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SaturDIARY: Back to the WHITE HOUSE // itsGrace

nottoodeep.com

So um. loquaciousquark had a crap day, with save files and the like, so I tried to write something happy with Fenris. :| I have no other excuse. 

*

They had a plan.

Eighteen months after leaving Kirkwall, they would meet again in Amaranthine, in the alienage.  She would come, even if she hadn’t managed to separate Anders from Justice. He would be there. They would be together again. It would be all they needed.

Except after three months, Fenris finds himself without a purpose again. He does not have to look over his shoulder anymore; he does not need to watch templars for Hawke’s sake. He goes to Ferelden, and he sees the country. Lothering is a poisoned wasteland; Denerim still feels shattered from a war he cannot imagine.

It is less than a year when he realizes he misses having a home. He had thought once that it would be Kirkwall, as long as Hawke was there.

Now he thinks of what will happen in nine months, he wonders. He wants a home. He wants a home with Hawke.

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Anxiety vs Peace

i thought i was going to bed but something was laid on my heart; im exhausted and i have no idea if anyone is even online so here we go folks

so as you all know, even if you don’t know the reason behind it, tuesdays and thursdays are the worst days of my life. i usually come home and take a nap because it’s so emotionally exhausting. i pray for peace while i am there and nothing really happens. i just sit there hoping i don’t throw up and just beg God to take me home sometime soon bc its a bit too much to handle.

sometime this last weekend, i overheard someone say how you’re going to receive peace about situations when you spend time with God. it was a very simple statement but it was the answer to every prayer when I asked God where He was midst my fear.

I started pondering on this thought. and once i did, i realized it made total sense. God is ready to make Himself known in all of your life, and willing to touch every anxious part and bring peace. But you need to spend time with Him for this to happen. here me out:

when you spend time with God, you get to know Him more, and when you know Him more, you become more LIKE Him. spending time with Him is key in the Christian walk and with out it, you shouldn’t expect that all-consuming, overwhelming, mountain moving peace. you can’t ignore Him all day and than expect His presence to be within you in your time of need. it’s not that He’s wanting to abandon you. you didn’t give Him a chance to warm you up, put on the armor, get you ready to go out into battle. He didn’t have a chance to train and equip you.

i have been avoiding spending time with God since the day school started. i have been ignoring a certain call that seems God placed in my life and because I don’t have a burning bush telling me where to go, I ignore it. because it’s out of my comfort zone and i am afraid. and so the thought of going to God makes me ashamed because I know I am ignoring Him and i don’t want for Him to finally reveal Himself to me, and what Him say is that i am to go where i dont want to go. to that call.

nothing is worse than ignoring something that God wants you to do, and the shame is even worse. this has happened since school started. funny how i have been needing peace since school started as well… hmmmmmmmmm. 

in my search for peace, i see many people on my dash also searching. people are so lost and so broken and i see posts wishing that their pain would end. that they would have PEACE. 

so this is what came to mind right before i was ready for bed. it could be for one person. it could be for many people. MAYBE IT WAS JUST FOR ME. but i was given a challenge and i am going to offer this challenge to whoever is reading this and in need of life-changing peace.

i challenge those people like me. the people that are tired, weary, broken, lost, anxious, afraid, insecure, unhappy, etc. I challenge those people to spend time with God every day this week. pray every day. set aside a specific amount of time, at a specific point of day and set that moment every day this week as your time with God. before you get on tumblr. before you turn on netflix. before you do what you want to do, make Him a priority. life can get busy but you can spare just ten minutes, if that is all you can do. i recommend setting an hour aside, but that is just my personal goal. 

you may not feel like it, like me. you may feel ashamed, LIKE ME. you may feel like you don’t know what to pray, same here. good thing God accepts us where we are at and doesn’t expect us to be perfect :D

and by the end of this week, see how you feel. you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want too, however i would of course love to hear from you. my inbox is open if you wanna talk more about it, i dont care. it’s so late i doubt anyone is even seeing this post lol. but this is just a challenge, no matter what you believe in or worship, for those so broken they need some peace. this is your ticket to peace.

I demand in His name, as I get closer in Him, for the anxiety to not fade away like fog slowly clearing a road but to leave with a thunderous roar, a big bang, with an all-altering change in my entire being until i am not a weary spirit but one renewed, refreshed, and fully alive. And I demand the same for you. 

me:

*stomach hurts, and is heavy* 

*curious and searches on google* ← bad idea 

google: 

You must be pregnant 

6 signs of pregnancy 

me: 

*gets really scared and terrified* 

*remembers i’m a 16 year old virgin* 

word of advice for those who also like fairy kei and shop on storenvy: if you see something really cute on storenvy but it seems SO MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE THAN IT RLLY SHOULD BE (and is most likely originally from a japanese store), it’s probably rlly jacked up in price and can originally be found for about half the price on taobao or ebay.

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