maybe...(

Guys I’ve had an INSANE day. I went to the eating disorder consultation and she was talking about maybe going back to the ED ward (where I was tube fed last year). And I genuinely just don’t think I can recover from it.
Anyway. I literally had a panic attack that lasted longer than an hour and it was like almost an hour after she was meant to finish, but my case manager was on the phone to me calming me down.
A lot has been going on. And to make matters worse, I have a family meeting tomorrow where my case manager and psychiatrist have to tell my parents everything that has been happening (since my case manager is leaving for maternity leave in a few months and my risk is going to go drastically up considering I talk to her everyday).

Anyway. Moral of the story is that I think I’m okay right now. I’m one week clean from cutting/burning. And today was HELLA HARD, but so far I’ve gotten through it. Tomorrow is going to be tough but eh.
I’ll answer messages when I get home from shopping if I feel up to it x

youtube

why that heavy breathing

2

he didn’t say, or maybe something terrible happened to adam that day he sacrificed himself to cabeswater. maybe he’s messed up all of henrietta by waking up the ley line. because they couldn’t talk about that. just like they couldn’t talk about adam stealing the camaro that night. or about him basically doing everything gansey had asked him not to.

3K GRAPHICS GIVEAWAY for lomsars

5

Burn everything that has been built around your name. Cover your scent with the smell of smoke. Maybe someday, like cigarettes, you will be gone, for good. That after all, all of the midnight stay, morning kisses and afternoon talks will just fall into ashes. That after all, our memories will be just illusions of the past.

anonymous asked:

reynabeth pirates au

The thick rope scratched at Annabeth’s neck.

“Miss Annabeth Chase, you have been found guilty of piracy.”

The same kind bound her wrists together behind her back. A line of armed guards stood behind her, shadowed eyes burning into her back, daring her to make a sudden movement.

“By which the punishment is death.”

The crowd began to murmur. They looked up at Annabeth, curious and ready and hungry for the trap door to fall. For the show to truly start.

The people were clearly Annabeth’s once-peers. They flaunted their status even in the shadow of the gallows, golden jewelry glinting in the sunlight, powered wings and silk coats decorating well-fed bodies. It’s too bad the sun’s glare was directly in Annabeth’s eyes. Maybe she’d recognize a few of them.

She fought her smirk. Arrogance wasn’t part of the plan. Keeping her eyes and ears open was.

There was more talk of her recent deeds: extortion, kidnapping, theft, conspiracy against the king… Annabeth was impressed. She made a note to talk about it with Reyna later. There was clearly a rat scurrying about the crew, his or her pockets lined with the king’s gold.

Annabeth caught a flash of purple from the rooftops. Her heart began to hammer. Time was up. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. There was a creaking sound, and then the floor dropped from under her.

She fell and for one weightless second she thought it was all over, that something had gone wrong. But a gunshot cracked sharply in the air and Annabeth crumpled to the ground, hidden from the guards by the wooden scaffolding. A length of rope fell beside her.

Then what sounded like chaos. Shouts and screams and the unmistakable sound of smoke bombs. Someone was calling for reinforcements. Guns sounded off. The clatter of sword against sword. A heavy canon blast–

A shadow fell over Annabeth. Someone dropped in through the trapdoor. “Well, well,” they said slowly, “what have we here?” They cut the ropes binding Annabeth’s hands and carefully removed the noose from around her neck.

Annabeth took an offered hand and stood, glaring half-heartedly at Reyna. “I thought you’d been jesting about the whole ‘drawing it out to the last second’ thing.”

“I never jest,” Reyna said, smirking. She handed Annabeth a sword. “You looked lovely, by the way.”

“Quiet,” Annabeth said, fighting hard not to return the smirk. Her neck and wrists still throbbed. “We’re not out of this yet.”

“We never are.” Reyna sighed and ran with her out into the haze of the battle.

5

Text dump! I don’t think you’re ready for this bloggin (but if you are pls carry on)

• work has been fiiiiine on nights. I’ve certainly had worse but it’s been a good team and even had some laughs.

• Yesterday I barely slept and had weird dreams/nightmares which ran parallel to real life. Then when I woke up I was repeatedly confused by what it all meant. When I woke I was just churning a lot of feelings over and over all in my head so I went to the gym, cycled and ran for the first time in forever, then did a little bit of weights stuff in the female only area. The run was beauty itself. It’s been a really long time since I’ve had any motivation to run and I’ve not pushed it - its bleak if you aren’t in the zone. But it helped me clear or maybe gather some thoughts idk. I felt good.

• after I went to tesco and bought salmon avo and salad, some blue cheese dressing, A+ would recommend this meal I will be eating it again at lunchtime.

• it is a year to the day my lovely baby dog Leo died and I will probably think about this day every year FOREVER because coincidentally its both my brother and my stepbrothers birthday - can’t be missed really.

• Can I just briefly talk about boys?? What even are they? So this week marks my three month of no men. Some texts, some interest, but generally the quietest man spell of my fuckiiiiiiin life. Which I feel weird about really because on one hand I think my interest in all things sexual is low when I used to be the kind to preach ‘what’s a relationship without it!’ And now I’m like… There’s so much more to being happy in a relationship. Hold off on the physical and make it good when it happens, maybe? I can’t tell if I’m older, or wiser, or just a bit low on sex drive. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just not fancying people? And I should wait for that devour somebody feeling to pop up? But it isn’t and when it is its not for the right boy. Hmm. Anyways, regardless, the three month milestone is here. I’ve thought about it and voiced it to some people who probably wish they’d never befriended me because I am tmi Maria at all times.

Then at 00.19 I get this text?? What? Backstory: its from a boy T who i went on maybe four dates with in late January-early March. Drinks, dinner. Nil antics. He never put moves on me and I wasn’t sure I had that feel. As Imogen put it 'he sounds like he might make love to you, maria’. Saw him in a bar last week and via text said sorry I didn’t say hello, have a nice night. Then he texts me for a numerical on the bang scale?? It seems to me that’s a quick way to move to -a zillion tbh. This is surely not how people get laid!? Less obscene is that I got texts off my ex, and texts from a boy who asked me out a month ago but never settled on a date. Also browsing tinder and kept coming up with too familiar faces. Yak.

Just weirded out by all of it. Men are weird and confusing. Am I selling myself short and setting myself up to fail dating a nice person if I’m not sure i want to like, jump their bones? Or do I wait for a jump your bones feel to hit me then he’s the one? Do I go on dates (like the date I’ve planned tonight)?? Or wait for it to just hit me out of nowhere in a supermarket? Fuck do I know. There doesn’t seem to be a right answer or a right boy and I’m tired. Honestly I’d sooner assemble a large army of single friends and I’d be as happy as I would with a man friend. Quarter life crisis prevails.

/end post nightshift blabbing. I’m off to sleep dream and angst with these questions in mind!

anonymous asked:

im a libra but i don't entirely understand what the most common traits are? i don't know how to explain it but could you give a description of a libra? like maybe including aesthetic as well as personality

i heard it being described as “the warrior of peace” once and i really like that1!

they always have strong opinion of how the world “should be” (and this is honestly true for all libras i’ve ever met), and since it’s a cardinal sign they try to initiate that change in as many ways they can. some just dress and behaves really friendly, some do a lot of charity work, some are crazy “shove it in ur face” political… but there’s always something like that.

They try to have manners, be liked by everyone and make everyone get along.

they’re always artistic in some way but have other interests aswell. you’ll never meet a libra that’s only about one thing.. it’s eiter political and fashion. or music and astrology..

they all look a bit naive and distant but they’re def very observant

you know what i mean though? sometimes you fully intend on getting dressed and functioning like a social normal adult, but then you get halfway through putting your head through your sweater and its like oh god its so warm and dark and muffled in here maybe ill just hide in here and bail on alllllll of my plans….. despite the knitted-ness being super itchy and your heavy breathing making it super warm in there, its still significantly more comfortable than the whole socialising and being anxious experience….


by Montana Kitching

anonymous asked:

Do you think Alex Hirsch ever changes things in the plot of gf when we guess things correctly really early? Maybe to prove us wrong sometimes? Not in a spiteful way, but more to keep us on our toes?

i really doubt it. tv shows are planned and created way in advance before airing, and if he had to keep changing the story we would end up with something that’s a big jumbled mess. with a big fanbase there’s always going to be someone who guessing things before they happen, you just gotta hope that with enough people guessing nobody can tell which ones are right

my dog: barks at air
me: WHAT???? WHAT DO U WANT???? SPIRITS, TALK TO ME, WHAT DOES THIS BUNDLE OF FLUFF WANT???? BLOOD? GOATS???? A FIRSTBORN SACRIFICED AT FULL MOON????
my dog: looks at me in a ‘’maybe’’ way

Panic attack in church

I just had a panic attack. It’s horrifying.
I’m worrying about not getting the stuff then and how the staff looked at me cause they must think I’m crazy.

And I panicked about panicking.

I worry about wasting time and not getting stuff done. I worry about not enough time.

My thoughts went wild and I’m so scared to tell someone for fear that they’ll think I’m crazy and tell the lead pastor and maybe the leader pastor will decided to call the cops on me and send me to the asylum.

And my stomach hurts from all of that now. My legs…. It just won’t stop shaking on its own (you know like those small tremble…. Not visible but if you put your hand on top, or like what they happened to do - place a pack of tissues on my leg and cause I’m shaking, you can see it moving. Fml)

I’m just so tried just now. Tired as in drained. I’m exhausted from panicking.

lifetime-achievement asked:

Just a thought: In The Sign of Three, while John and Sherlock are sitting on the bench, Sherlock runs away because he can't handle the declaration John makes without breaking down... They just talked about John's ex (who happens to be a man so maybe there's a chance for him) and there's uniforms everywhere and he JUST CANT HANDLE IT IF JOHN SAYS STUFF LIKE THAT RIGHT NOW

OH NO NO NO NO NO I CAN’T TAKE THIS

anonymous asked:

Is subway healthy?

That totally depends on what you order. But choose a whole grain bread, choose lean protein, maybe skip the cheese and the sauce :)xx

Tonight, I’m a bit disappointed with the world. I guess I’m also annoying as I kept private messaging real life friends who I see are online on Facebook, properly asking them if they can sponsor at least 1 kid 2 pairs of school uniforms worth $11.

Most of the people I private message has excuses and most of them says they don’t have the money right now. What disappoints me is these people works in an office and is paid around $300 to $500 per month and I see them update their Facebook with where they went or eat (which usually are fancy places). 

PS: $300-$500 is already a huge amount where I am. 

I don’t know, I guess I’m just sensitive with this matter. How people can spend so much on things but turns their back when it comes to helping others. $11 is not that big but maybe they don’t really have the money. I’m just making good excuses for them just so I won’t get more heart-broken. 

I’m just panicking because only 4 out 15 kids has sponsorship for uniforms and school starts on June 1. I do know God has his plan, I’m sure the right people will come to my aid. I’ll just have to think positively! AJA! :)