so i was at this dance in january and i met this guy and we talked for like an hour and i really
liked like him and he asked for my number and i gave it to him and then a week later his cousin’s best friend said that he asked his cousin (who is in some of my classes) if i got his text and i hadn’t and i asked her to give him my number in case i gave him the wrong one and she said “he’s over you”. i hated myself for ever after that and she just messaged me two hours ago on facebook ten goddamn months later and sends me his number
and my friend made made me text the number last night and i just said “hey nicholas, it’s miriam from the st pat’s dance. how are you?” but i’m really worried that its a popular girl’s number and they’re going to screen shot it and post it and make fun of me. and i stayed at home today, not because i feel sick, just because i’m so scared. i’ve taken one little passing thought and exaggerated it into this huge fear. what if my paranoias are true? i’m so scared to face almost anyone at school. i don’t even know if i can go tomorrow. oh god, i don’t know what to do. at the moment i’m 99% convinced that its a fake number and even if it isn’t i’m not worth it and i just want to sink into a space as black as my soul and die. and i can’t go to school because i can’t face this girl and because i am stuck in a spiral of self-loathing and because everytime i see someone laughing i feel like they’re laughing at me even if i know they’re not. normally i can handle it, but today i couldn’t.