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My Chemical Romance Eras: Black Parade

When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city to see a marching band. He said, “Son, when you grow up, would you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned?” He said, “Will you defeat them, your demons, and all the non-believers, the plans that they have made? Because one day, I’ll leave you, a phantom to lead you in the summer, to join the Black Parade.” 

Mama, I said
there are skeletons under my bed dressed in decade-old mistakes
and apologies dripping from my fingers like honey
the worst things I’ve ever done
are the things I’ve let other people do to me
and the past is a mirror I can’t bear to look into
but it won’t let me ignore it Mama it won’t go away
it hums inside my bones every single day
and all I want to do is slip into my 15-year old self’s bed
and kiss her eyelids and tell her I’m sorry

Mama I’m sorry
how do you change something that’s already happened Mama
I know you didn’t ask for a daughter like this
but I don’t know any other way to be
Mama how do I make it stop
the past is the dictionary definition of regret sleeping beside me every night
Mama how do I make it quiet
I’m so sorry to myself Mama I’m so sorry for what I let happen to her I’m so sorry I’m so sorry

Baby, she says
I don’t know how you expect to move forward dragging this weight behind you
and if forgiving yourself seems out of reach
just think of the past strapped across your back for the rest of your life
how heavy it is, how loud
the past is greedy, baby
it will steal your future if you let it
but I know you had more in mind for your life
so take the deepest breath you know how
and thank yourself, for who you are now
and forgive yourself, for who you were then
—  Fortesa Latifi - Mama Part III
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