1 The way Mexicans say phone numbers.
55 34 56 58 4…OMFG!!!!! Am I expected to remember this??
2 How frequently the Metro just STOPS.
¨Oh um, I understand that you live far and have many responsibilities, however,
STOP BEING FUCKING LATE!!! GOD!
See numbers 2 and 3
5 RUSH HOUR (no not the movie)
Now I see where those jokes about 20 Mexicans in a Volvo come from… If I wasn´t a New Yorker… Oh boy.
6 Extreme Heat
Well, extreme for me is over 26C (about 80F). I JUST CAN´T TAKE THAT SHIT. This February, there was a full week above 28C…. I wanted to die. And even know in Spring some MXCs (people in Mexico City) are taking trips to the beach! Just wow.
7 Children without parents.
¨PALETAS! DOS POR CINCO! DOS POR CINCO! DE VALE DE VALE CINCO PESOS!!!¨¨SOFAS ESTUFAS LICUADORAS¨ HONK HOOOONNNNKKKK!!!!!
9 The Dangerous Street Cabs
Yes they still exist. And yes, it´s still dangerous for Americans, European, and rich-seeming Latin Americans to take street cabs, and yes, sometimes you will be 100% OK, but yes, YOU ARE PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULETTE WITH YOUR SAFETY BY DOING SO. I´ve just taken 2 (when moving) and will never do so again. In the past 2 months, I have been told gruesome stories (5 to be exact) by friends of friends of relatives who have RECENTLY taken street cabs in MXC (Mexico City) … The best that happened was one was robbed and assaulted, but left with her life. The worst was a rape & decapitation. BE SMART! CALL CABS BY PHONE!
10 The length of house parties
And you think NEW YORK is the City that Never Sleeps??? OMG! I have been to house parties were people are dancing and smoking until 6am! And even 8am!!! These people put me to shame!
11 The price of electronics
A decent cell phone for over 100USD?? Who do you think you are?–_AMERICA?! _Oh, the nerve….
12 All the pastry shops
Where is the midget riding the unicycle? Where is grandma on the slots? Where is Chubbs? I THINK I JUST FOUND HEAVEN.
13 The concept of time
Since when is ¨afternoon¨ 5pm??? If I say let´s eat lunch in la tarde, I mean 1pm latest!!! No wonder people here work til so late!
14 The guy (or kid!) with the broken glass
Dude + metro car + broken glass + rolling around = GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, IMMEDIATELY!!!
**15 Housing q****uirks
**Water heaters to take hot showers, lighting pilot lights to cook, a new apartment, where I must buy a REFRIGERATOR? A STOVE?? GAS??? DRINKING WATER?!?! Breathe Meag, Breathe…
16 GUNS. EVERYWHERE.
Security guards at banks, large metro stations, and even malls holding menacing rifles. Yes, those firearms as long as a limb. Guess there´s no such thing as shoplifting here. Lest you want to ¨lift¨with three less fingers!! Just be glad that cops & security have more firearms than the bad guys. Or so it seems.
17 All that cheek kissing!
**Actually, the first time I visited this country I didn´t experience it at all. So now, when I must brush cheeks with the 15 people at a party I just met it is rather exhausting! Plus, I don´t know where those cheeks have been! Sheesh! If this sensitive face of mine starts peeling again, I know why.
18 All the other kissing Public displays of Affection. Times 20. While some of it can be quite sweet and lovely, if you are single or newly single IT CAN FEEL LIKE HELL. And some of it can be quite graphic, and that kind is the kind I can never get used to. No matter how hard I try.
19 Banned photographing…Like Everywhere.
Snapping a photo at anything from a building to a store in the mall to a book will have someone come come up and strongly tell you ¨No fotos¨, some of whom guards with large guns. I´d listen if I were you.
20 The way Mexico addresses are written
The number AFTER the street name?? And what´s all this other stuff, huh?
21 Revolting voices in the train..and streets
The most monotone, piercing, and bizarre-sounding voices you will ever hear will come from a Mexican vendor! Mocking their voice amongst friends, Mexican or foreign is fair game, and quite fun at that. Just don´t mock the person!
22 The Staggering Number of Blind People
**WHY? No really, WHY? Is there Herpes simplex in the shower water? No, but really! I want to know.
23 The obscene cost of hair irons
They regularly top 100USD ! Yikes! Guess I should stuffed mine into my luggage somehow… :(
24 Español + Brevity = 0
If it required roughly the same number of syllables to convey a message in Spanish as it does English, then perhaps I´d have the slightest shot of comprehending a native speaker in a language spoken 4 times faster than my own. I love the language, sí, but Good GRIEF Charlie Brown!
25 All the (Open) Prostitution…
On nearly every major street in every major area of the city, woman stand near the road as early as 9pm, in short dresses and high heels… Or just fishnets and a thong! But, as there are high numbers of transgendered persons here as well (another shocker), many of them make a living this way. And sometimes you won´t know the difference! So, unless you´re into these two things, you´ve been warned!!!
This is a derogatory cultural term to describe most Mexicans preference to foreigners. Although I´ve noticed that for certain foreigners, mainly white people, Mexicans go absolutely batsh*t over… It´s very strange, and very sad. Just because I somehow benefit from it doesn´t mean that I like it. And honestly, I´d much rather NOT benefit from such a thing, but there is nothing I can do to change people´s reverence of those unlike them. But on one hand it does feel nice to be in a country that doesn´t hate your kind! So close to the U.S., yet so different.