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(a) process of creation: it[i] just want to LIVE

Track: “I just Wanna Live” - Good Charlotte

Instead of writing a paragraph describing my intentions behind this painting, I’ve decided to create a video of my creation process. Meaning isn’t absolute… and I think I like it that way.


This was something I put together for a freshman year art piece. The painting isn’t one of my favorites but I am glad that I stumbled across this video file again. I’m currently in the process of creating a meta-oeuvre (for my fellow Harry Potter fans, think *digital pensive*) that will allow me (and whoever else happens to take a fancy) to enter into an artwork at any point.

I want to create a simultaneous experience of the beginning, the process, the final “production” and all relevant influences.

Ideally, this will help me better understand my own creative process… and might help any viewers enter into my i_magination.


Working title - little fires. This one feels good. The paint feels rich and alive ‘neath hear finger tips. (Painting progression, painted lives. Series 1-12).

I’ve spent a lot if time away from canvas, half finished paintings abound. This piece is about me reacquainting myself with first love, color, brushstrokes and- so mic more. Painting this piece, this far is part meditation, part dance, part battle. Exhilarating, then calm, uncertain and then? Ah, life in microcosm. Depicted via palette knife.

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(re)birth of a purse.

My trusty bag which has been with me since that Junior year in Paris had taken on a battle-scarred state that no number of washings could fix. So I decided to give her a new coat. Unfinished for the time being… but I’m quite liking it. As does she, I hope.

Also, the mood struck to create a stop motion. Thus, voilà.


Just spent the good part of the last 3 hours going through and digitizing the notes I took on Alfred Gell’s Art and Agency (An Anthropological Theory).  

The anthropology of art is here reformulated as the anthropology of a category of action: Gell shows how art objects embody complex intentionalities and mediate social agency.”

As an artist constantly trying to define myself as such, I’m fascinated by what Gell proposes.  Often, in the midst of a painting or a piece of work, I’m not sure whether or not I’m guiding the brush or if the paint is guiding me.  I am (or am I?) the agent of action in this equation.  Come to think of it, do I really have the final word on which pieces get to “live” and which ones don’t? 


I drew this ages ago…

um something about how Going Native had parallels to a Star Trek episode. So uhhh Butters as a vulcan and Kenny being worried about him and his random outbursts? I forget man.

Decided to save time and just take pics instead of scanning…idk if that was a good idea lol.

"Ask not what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and then go do that. Because what the world needs are people who’ve come alive" - Howard Thurman

This is a quote I come back to over and again, the content of which I have to prove to myself over and again.  What makes me come alive? What if following my passions is as terrifying as it is thrilling? What if there are people I care about, whose opinions I care about, standing to the sides and tearing me down?  What then?  

What if my passion is to do as many things as possible, one after another, to experience as many different lives and share them? (And, evidently, overuse the comma while I’m at it).  What if I want to be a teacher, an artist, a healer, a writer, a change maker all at once? Is that possible? 

The advice given by Thurman is a good one.  But it’s my work to figure out what it means to me.  What I’m currently doing for bottlerocket, our baby startup/movement with big big dreams.  And I’m learning as I go.  

I see a fuzzy outline of something beautiful. 

This is an experiment with wonderful implications. 

What if we could all find out what we love… and go do that - and in the very act of doing so make our world a better place? 

Perhaps that’s naive a way of thinking. But then again, isn’t naiveté daring to imagine better

“What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” - Plutarch

p.s. I rather liked doing this doodle.  I’ve been drawn to patterns for a while, and then the layering of rich colors upon each other. For the pockets of time when I’m drawing, painting, doodling… I feel alive.