A summary of Harry Potter:

Hermione:  Don’t do the thing Harry!

Ron:  Hey Harry, lets do the thing!

Snape:  Don’t do the thing you dunderhead ball of deaf ignorance.

McGonagall:  Mr Potter, don’t you dare do the thing.

Dumbledore:  Hmmm…  Perhaps you shouldn’t do the thing, but here are some tools, explained in the most vague possible way, to get the thing done, I’m counting on you.

Hagrid:  *Gives all the details about the thing*  Shouldn’t have said that.  ‘Arry don’t do the thing.

Sirius:  James, I mean Harry, back in my school days with James, your dad, we always did the thing.

Remus:  Sirius, perhaps you shouldn’t encourage him, but if you’re going to, here’s a map to help you do the thing.

Draco:  Potter can’t possibly accomplish the thing.  Prat.

Luna:  We must go do the thing from the side while riding nargles to freedom.

Voldemort:  THERE IS NO THING BUT POWER AND THOSE TO WEAK TO ACCEPT IT.

Harry:  I‘m doing the thing!  I’m doing IT RIGHT NOW!  CONSIDER THE THING DONE.

6

May 24th - The wildflowers and blossom are wonderful this year. On my way to Aldridge along the canal, I saw lots of hawthorn, cow parsley and my first flag iris of the year. I think the pink and violet ones are columbine or granny’s bonnet. The lupins are also superb.

Here goes the yearly uncertainty over flower identification. Ah well, down the hatch.

Possible James Potter’s reactions to Sirius and Remus relationship.

The tentative one: What you mean you’re dating Moony? I mean…dating? What kind of dating? The snogging type of dating? 

The it-was-about-time one: Why are you so nervous, you wanker? I know it, everybody knows it, even the giant squid knows it. I mean what the hell those eye fucks were about? I’d be disappointed if you were not shagging Moony.

The gamble one:  I TOLD YOU WORMTAIL YOU OWE ME TEN GALLEONS.

The inconvenient one: Who’s the bottom? I need to know…for science.

The nonsense-monologue one: Hey assholes, we’re going to Hogsmeade for some firewhiskey do you want somet— OH GOD, MERLIN’S HAIRY BALLS I WAS SO NOT READY TO SEE IT. COVER YOUR ASS. FUCKING HELL ARE YOU—  DID YOU JUST— WHAT— CONGRATULATIONS BUT— OH GOD. ARE YOU FUCKING NAKED? JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? YOU’RE GAY—?

The comprehensive-mate one: I might need some time to…you know, get used to it and how it affects the dynamic of the group. But you know you’re my best mates. I want you to be happy.

The older-brother one:
If you hurt him I’ll forget you’re not a bird and I’ll fuck your arse so hard you will spend a week watching classes on your feet.

The I-live-with-you-tossers-for-too-long-to-believe-this-shit one: I really hope this is not a joke because if it is Padfoot yOU BETTER WATCH YOUR SUGAR ASS.

The skeptical one: Ha-ha very funny. And I’m fucking Snivellus. Will you pass me the pumpkin juice, please?

The sympathizer one: How is it? No, not being in love, I fucking know how it is to being in love. How is it to have a cock in your arse?

The amused-by-the-irony one: DOES YOUR MOM KNOW ABOUT THIS SNOGGING-THE-WEREWOLF-PARTY OF YOURS, MR. PADFOOT? HA-HA-HA OH MY GOD THIS IS GOING TO BE HYSTERICAL, BRACE YOURSELF WORMTAIL

The speachless one:

The James Potter one: WHY WAS MOONY THE RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING YOU REALIZE YOU’RE A FLAMING QUEER? I’M YOUR BEST FRIEND! MOONY, WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT I’M NOT DATABLE ENOUGH FOR YOU? HOW DARE YOU DATE WITHOUT ME? I’M NOT JEALOUS, WORMTAIL, FUCK OFF JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT FUCKABLE IT DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT EITHER.

(In addition: Don’t give me a homophobic James. That’s just not an option.)

lil Remus headcanons

  • his socks are always holey within a week of him getting them 
  • he braids Lily’s hair while they talk about their crushes 
  • when he’s reading, he likes to put his feet up on the table (this irritates Peter to no end)
  • sometimes after a particularly bad nightmare he likes to go down to the kitchen and sit with the house elves and talk to them about their day and get the dirt on everything they see around the castle 
  • he needs reading glasses 
  • he spouts random facts in the middle of conversations and then somehow makes them relevant to the topic at hand 
  • his sweaters’ sleeves are usually way too long and he likes using them to smack his friends 
  • he’s very frank when he doesn’t like something 
  • he’s a messy eater - you can tell what he’s eaten recently by what’s on his cheeks and the front of his shirt
  • hypocritically, he’s always chastising the other boys for having food on their faces 
  • he bounces his leg when he’s anxious, which is nearly always 
  • he can’t stand the sound of people chewing so he researches a ton and learns a charm so he can mute it but still hear what people are saying 
  • he’s most ticklish on the bottoms of his feet, the inside of his thighs, and behind his ears 
  • he squeals when he’s tickled 
  • he experiments with fashion and gender roles and legitimately doesn’t care what other people say or think about it 
  • when he was young - up until 14 or so - he was very careful with books, always being gentle with the spine and using a bookmark, but he slowly progressed into marking them up and tagging favourite passages. he still cherishes special editions and books gifted to him though. 
  • he makes beanies for all his friends every year when school starts - just as the seasons are changing - and they’re the only non-costumey hats Sirius will wear 
  • sometimes he gets caught up in a book and forgets to go to bed 
  • he has poor circulation and scares his friends by how close he sits to the fire in the winter 
  • he’s sass-master of the Marauders (the only person who can out-sass him is Lily) 
  • he loves the smell of fresh coffee but can’t stand the taste. he still drinks it though. 
  • he’s easily overwhelmed by crowds