All my friends tell me how toxic the memory of you is. I know it’s toxic, I drink to forget you. My liver has given up on me and I still can’t stop drinking, because for the time that i’m feeling the burn of the vodka down my throat I can’t feel the pain of my broken heart.
—  A year on from me and you

1. I dyed my blonde hair dark because I thought if I didn’t look like the girl that fell in love with you, she wouldn’t exist.

2. You left me a voicemail on June 21st. I keep listening to the 48 seconds you spent apologizing. The last thing you whispered before you hung up was, “I love you very much.” I forgave you. So why did you leave?

3. My skin burns when I think of you. I want to rip it off.

4. I don’t think I’ll ever be whole again. I keep spitting up bits of my heart to boys who want me to feel alone so they can make me theirs for an hour. I’m sick of being in pieces.

5. He crammed his arm across my shoulders on the same couch you first wrapped yours around me. Is it sick I tried to imagine it was you? It didn’t work. He tried to kiss me. I started crying.

6. I know you’re moving on. I know there’s a “her.” I know in the middle of the night when the memories of us swallow me whole, you’re in bed pressed up against her like she’s everything you’ve ever wanted. I know you’re telling her “forever” and I hope she knows it doesn’t mean a goddamn thing coming from your mouth.

7. You’re 1,365 miles away but you’re still here. Jesus Christ, you’re everywhere. I find pieces of you in everything and I grasp them so tightly my hands bleed. I hope it helps drain you from my veins because you’re tangled around my ribs and crushing my lungs and I can’t take a breath without feeling you all around me. Because of you, I’m drowning in water that doesn’t exist.

—  7 things I don’t want you to know