Normally, she was happy; smiling and laughing and singing to me.
But sometimes, she would say these devastating things, things that made me stop in my tracks.
‘I don’t know why I stopped drawing, I just did.’
‘My dad doesn’t play scrabble anymore because he can’t spell when he’s drunk.’
‘She can’t bring me to my appointment, she’s busy.’
‘You know, I used to be first in my class.’
‘I lost most of my elephant collection when we moved and I never bothered to find it.’
She says these things with far-off eyes and immediately apologizes for burdening me with them.
I ask about them, always, but she tells me they don’t matter every time.
—  She’s sicker than they think, she’s worse than she knows

0) This is for you.

1) You will lose the people you love.

2) Do not ever be sorry if it makes you cry. You don’t have to be. Some things deserve tears.

3) It’s going to be alright, you know? It’s going to hurt, for a long time probably, but you’re going to be alright.
And I know it might feel like a whole piece of your life has gone missing, and not just the days you had, but the days you might have had too. And that hurts, I know it does. And I can’t promise you’ll never feel that way again.
But you want to know something, something that might help? Remember what we say, about being afraid? Well it’s the same with being sad. Being afraid is okay, because it means you’re awake. And being sad is okay, because it means you’re alive.
And you are going to be sad. That’s alright. That’s okay. But please, whatever you do, don’t hide away forever wishing you could forget. Remember. Remember and don’t ever stop remembering. Because that’s important. That’s part of your life. Those things you lost, those things that make you sad, the only reason losing them hurts so much is because you loved them so much first. And deciding what to do next, that’s what makes you who you are. That’s what takes bravery, to do that even when you’re sad and afraid and don’t want to — especially then.
So please, don’t be sorry. You can cry. You should cry. And you should be sad.
But then, then you’ve got to do something very difficult.

Then you’ve got to be brave also.

—  rules for life and love and loss (jm)
Everything you did was so fucking beautiful
The way your body shook as you fell asleep
The way your eyes looked in the fluorescent lights at 4 in the morning
The way your skin glowed in the middle of the summer
But damn how it shined in the winter
The way you left some sort of mark every time you made love to me
And the way you kissed my whole entire body when in pain
You wrote love poems with your finger tips
And you sung sappy love songs in my ear while you slept
You were so damn beautiful

I dreamed of you;
at first they held hope 
of us reconciling our past and making a future.
me hanging on to you tightly, pressing kisses to your cheek.


last night you walked away from me
and I was screaming
screaming
in fury and loss at how reality leaks into
dreams,
at how we quickly had turned into a nightmare.

—  nightmares and dreamscapes. Krys Kazik.