I don’t fall asleep next to her.
I don’t hold her.
I don’t get to wake her up and tell her I want kisses.
But we do get to FaceTime to sleep, and when she moves and sneezes I can hear her & for that I’m grateful.

You probably don’t give a shit about me anymore, you hate me and probably never want to talk to me again, but sometimes I wish things could go back to how they were. We were good together but then I think about how everything ended. How distanced we bacame from each other, especially me to you. How thinking about the future and how far apart we were scared me and made me doubt everything. How scared I was that you wouldn’t show up a second time. I wish we could talk one last time. No fighting or accusing and blaming, just a civil conversation. Talk about all the good times. Just fully get that closure. Be able to look back and not be mad and hurt by things that were said. I miss you and still love you, just not in the way I used to.

If you ever read this, I hope you live a long and happy life. I’ll love you forever.

2

It’s strange to think that once upon a time you and I were strangers, only knowing each other’s names and speaking online every once in a while. It’s strange when I think about just how far we have come not only as individuals but as a couple. How much we have learned and grown together and apart, how our lives have changed so completely since we started this crazy long distance relationship. But most of all how impossibly whole I have become since I have met you, married you and found who I have wanted to be my entire life with your love and support. Not many get to find their soulmate in this life, let alone so soon - we have crossed oceans just to hold hands, chasing after love.ย 

Canada-2-England