When slash becomes reality. WIll someone write Osborne/Lynton Crosby slash? I even have a ship name in mind: Crosborne.

Osborne was so convinced the vote would bring deadlock that he offered Crosby a french kiss if the Tories prevailed.

When the results confounded the polls by giving the Conservatives an absolute majority, the chancellor kept his promise – in part. In front of David Cameron and the party’s other top strategist, Jim Messina, he did kiss Crosby, but only on the cheek.

“It’s true,” Crosby told the paper. “His aftershave still haunts me. Fortunately tongues remained withdrawn. The pledge was on election day. The consummation was the day after, at No 10.” […]

The former Lib Dem leader Paddy Ashdown promised the BBC presenter Andrew Neil he would “publicly eat my hat” if the exit poll findings of a Lib Dem near-wipeout were true.

Presented hours later by Neil with a hat, Ashdown somewhat grumpily demurred, while promising he would do so alongside Alastair Campbell. The former Labour spin doctor had said he would “eat my kilt” if the SNP won 58 Scottish seats. Both were, like Osborne, partly true to their rash words, in this case eating hat- and kilt-shaped cakes the next day on the BBC’s Question Time. […]

The Daily Telegraph columnist Dan Hodges, meanwhile, made perhaps the most reckless pledge, albeit all the way back in 2012:

If UKIP break 6% at the next election I’ll streak naked down Whitehall in a Nigel Farage mask whilst singing Land of Hope and Glory…

— Dan Hodges (@DPJHodges)

December 15, 2012

Ukip did, of course, win more than twice this share of the vote. Hodges’ plan remains unconfirmed, though it seems he too, much like Osborne, is trying to wriggle out of the worst of it.

Given this streak is being inspired by Nigel Farage I also reserve the right to get half-way, then turn round and run back up Whitehall…

— Dan Hodges (@DPJHodges)

May 13, 2015


First of all, thank you to throughymy4eyes for alerting me to this. I stay off social media for a few hours and I miss all of this, typical! And you would have to be on social media to see this, seeing as a media blackout appears to be censoring coverage of the protests. #ToriesOutNow is the number 1 trend in the UK but has been removed at least twice from trending pages by Twitter. There are few news articles being published and so the following information has been difficult to get completely right because of lack of sources, other than people’s tweets.

I’d like to request that you reblog to signal boost. The media is deliberately censoring this protest, let’s spread the word ourselves in retaliation.

As far as I can tell, protests in London began around 6pm/7pm and have grown since then. Large crowds gathered outside the Tory HQ in Westminster with signs reading “Get The Tories Out!” and “Austerity Kills”, chanting “Tory scum” and “no more fucking Tory cuts”.

The protests are aimed at two things in particular (main reasons as I can tell)

  • The fact that 63% of us voted against the Tories, yet they still formed a majority goverment through our voting system
  • Austerity, and the prospect of 5 more years of cuts to public services.

People are angry. And rightly so. I’m angry. I know all of you are angry. Our voting system really outdid itself this time, proving that our democracy is not quite as democratic as we once thought. 

63% of us said we didn’t want a Tory goverment, so why do we have one? Proportional Representation is a tricky one for me I’ll admit. For I believe that we should have equal representation for who we all choose to vote for, rather than being handed a Tory government when 63% said no to one. I’m conflicted merely because had we had Proportional Representation in this election, UKIP would have had many more seats than it got. But that’s just me.

At least 5 police officers have been injured. Apparently they have had bottles, a bike, smoke bombs thrown at them. I saw one person report tear gas but I can’t be sure that is true at all. Sounds like the start of a small riot to me, yet where is the media coverage? No coverage from Murdoch papers so far, surprise, surprise! What little coverage there has been has been biased.

Our country cannot take five more years of austerity. We cannot take privatisation of our health service. We cannot take benefit cuts. We cannot take our services being squeezed for their last spare penny. End the cuts. End the Tories. End the misery. End the deaths, the suicides and the starvation they are inflicting upon the most vulnerable! 

I don’t know if the protests will continue. I don’t know if they will change anything. Best case scenario is they get bigger, spread to the rest of the country and we fight for a re-election. Pie in the sky, perhaps. But we can try! 

Stay classy, but fight for your right to democracy and fight for your right to a fair government. Your vote is not your voice, just because they won doesn’t mean we have to sit down and shut up. 

Links: 1 2 3 4


What happened last night?

I woke up this morning with my laptop on top of me, loudly playing some sexy Spotify playlist.

I was in the middle of writing a large text post revealing ‘Former-MP’ and talking about how much I love him. I am so glad I got tired. THAT WILL NOT BE POSTED.

I also posted a picture or ‘pitcure’ of Danny Alexander which I freehand drew on Paint. Oh Jesus!

I will disconnect my internet connection next time I drink even half a unit of Alcohol. 


UK Politics Gothic
  • “This is a party political broadcast…” the TV announces again. There are screams. You can hear bees, wasps, the sound of someone crying in a distant room. Quieter, the TV repeats. “This is a party political broadcast. It is. I promise.”
  • Nigel Farrage is on the telly again, a pint of beer in his hand. He is grinning, teeth clenched desperately, and you can see the flickers of something dark and shadowy, just behind his pointed teeth. It is trying to escape.
  • One day when you go downstairs, you find your letterbox filled with pamphlets. Vote Conservative, the leaflets say. Vote Labour. Vote for the endless pit of tormented souls buried beneath your house. Vote for the souls.
  • Whenever you see David Cameron debating, he points his finger in a dramatic gesture to punctuate his speech. You watch him do this many times before you see what he’s actually pointing to. You wish you could unsee it. You close your eyes, wishing you could unsee what David Cameron is pointing to but it’s there inside your eyelids. No, you whisper.
  • Driving in front of you down the highway is a toyota with a “Vote Lib Dem” sticker on the bumper. You wonder who the Lib Dems are, and a memory stirs somewhere within your chest. The faint smell of vanilla and the eerie sense of betrayal. You knew this party once. You thought that everyone else had forgotten.
  • Every day, the circles beneath Ed Milliband’s eyes seem darker, deeper somehow. As you watch his speech on the news, you realise that you have never once seen him blink. You start to look harder, waiting for him to close his eyes but he never does. Blink, you implore him. Blink. Please.

No I don’t accept that.

“The responsibility for the result is mine alone” No.

The responsibility is on the scaremongering Tories for blaming Labour for a GLOBAL financial crisis and painting them as a party who will routinely spend spend spend and leave us a bankrupt country, with their only evidence being the state that our economy was in due to the whole World crashing. The responsibility is on their lies.

The responsibility is on the Murdoch empire and their disgusting smear campaigns designed to make Ed look ridiculous and incapable of leading. Headlines that read “keep Red Ed out”. Obviously and outwardly influencing millions of people’s voting choices because of Rupert Murdoch’s personal political stance. The responsibility is on their lies.

The responsibility is on the xenophobia directed towards our own countrymen, the Scottish people. The idea that Labour might have teamed up with the SNP and offered the Scottish people, the 2nd largest country in the UK, a voice, was absolutely horrifying to England. And that makes me feel ashamed to be English right now. The responsibility is on England’s selfishness.

The responsibility is on the scaremongering over immigrants, and because Labour refused to be as racist as UKIP, the ill-informed working class defected to vote for a pointless party whose own leader couldn’t even get a seat. The responsibility is on the racists of this country.

Ed Miliband was an honest, genuine, kind, left-wing leader who would have helped those who needed help the most, the majority of the country. I am honestly devastated by his resignation, and I cannot accept him taking the blame out all on himself. Ed, you’re not to blame, the World just isn’t ready for your liberal heart. But I guess this is how you’ve been made to feel by everyone, by everything Milifandom sought to end. I hope the thought that he is the only politician to ever have a fandom is at least a tiny bit of consolation, sorry we let you down, Ed.

Well, with four days to go until the UK general election, our politicians have finally lost the plot. Ed Miliband has carved his election pledges into a literal slab of stone and is promising to install it at Downing Street if he wins

Ed Miliband is the leader of one of the two main parties in the UK. Here he is in front of his literal stone tablet of election promises

Jesus god help us all