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Alabama Karaoke—> Montell Jordan-‘This Is How We Do It’

OH LORD! I love my friends. I got home from a long and tiring day of sitting in a giant birdcage in my chonies and I found this in my inbox. Willie!! THANK YOU. You knew this was something I needed to see….and I’ve kinda had my faith in love restored. I believe again. This vid is realllly special. Black button up, to the top button, kind of special.

Being a proud Alabamian, this touches a special chord with me. I love karaoke, just not when I’m doing it. The last time I did karaoke was the last time I’ll ever do karaoke. I found myself onstage at a seedy basement bar…screeching the lyrics (the wrong lyrics mind you) to Pulp’s ‘Common People.’ And it was a duet with my equally sozzled friend Dani. Do you know how many talking parts there are in that song?! It was like two different, drunk monologues going on up there. Tsk tsk tsk. *smh. Anyways, This guy doesnt need booze. He’s smooooooth all on his own. Hundred dollar bills y’all!

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White girls learning how to twerk

Magnifique!!

Since I’ve been home for xmas, my mom has been on a family scrapbooking kick. She brought out a gang of old photos and art work and stuffs from my childhood. This is a page from my 3rd grade yearbook at Heritage Christian School. I read this and realized…Dang. I’ve always been a hoodrat! In Living Color was my favorite show. I just wanted to party. I aspired to be a “Layer” when I grew up, and my favorite song was DOGGY STYLE. I was 8 years old, but I was already a G. I rest my case.

Texts

*These text messages were received in response to my amazing earlier post about the professional snuggler who makes $60 an hour to snuggle with strangers*

10:41 AM, Jul 18

boy: So what’s your cuddle fee?

me: I’m working on a business plan now. Will let you know. You can have a discount if you purchase extended blocks of time

boy: How about you let me hold the money you make from these cuddles? That way you can concentrate on getting cuddles and I’ll manage the finances :)

me: Nicca. I hold the money. You can hold my pocket. You think I’m one of these simple, off the turnip truck ass bitchez? Nah boo. Hoes up…pimps down

boy: I got something you can hold after you get your little ass back from the attitude adjustment store

me: yeah yeah yeah. I dont know where the attitude store is…so I ain’t goin!!!

me: Fuck you Dad

boy: Maria Elisa!! You go ahead and go right back up those stairs cause you are not going to that concert with your friends. I dont care who this Jodeci guy is! Maybe you should have thought of that before you used adult language

me: I love you