I’m not scared of the things I’m supposed to be afraid of. I’m not afraid of the dark or dying or of monsters. The one thing I am afraid of is losing you. I’m haunted by the paralyzing fear of not having you in my life. Just thinking about it makes me want to breakdown in tears. Nothing will ever be able to compare to the thought of losing you.
—  4am
I’ve spent my whole life trying so hard not to be vulnerable. The idea is terrifying. Why would you let someone in like that? Why would you give someone every opportunity to hurt you? I never understood it until I was uncomfortable being alone. I never knew what it was like to fall until I met you. I want to share every fear, doubt, anxiety attack, depressive episode and sad memory with you without being expected to or expecting you to do the same. I want my soul to intermingle with yours in a way it’s never known. I want you to get to know me in a way nobody else ever has. I want you to see my darkness. I want to be vulnerable around you. Please don’t hurt me.
There is a difference between saying goodbye and letting go. Goodbye is not permanent. You can meet years later as old friends and share what happened in your life. You can smile and laugh about all the nonsense that you both went through. However, letting go is being okay with never seeing this person ever again…being okay with never knowing how their life turned out…being okay with fifty or more years of silence… being okay with running into that person at a grocery store and having them not acknowledge your presence. This is the part of life that doesn’t sit well with me and never will. It tears my heart in pieces, robs me of gratitude, drains me of anything positive and eats at the faith that holds on. It goes against kindness.
—  Shannon L. Alder