Today I wrote my Top 10 list of Top 10 lists of 2014! Here they are:
2014: What a year! It’s coming to an end, but don’t worry. 2015 is right around the corner, and it promises to be just as long as this one. But before we change calendars, it’s time to reflect back on the year that was, with my special Top 10 list: A Top 10 List of My Top 10 lists.
10) Top 10 Names That Sound Like They Could Be Members of The Beatles
This list was not particularly inspired, as only four of the names are actually members of The Beatles. The rest of the names are related to The Beatles or are literally just the name Beatle. Not terrific.
9) Top 10 Adages I Don’t Like
This list had a lot of promise, but it was ruined by the fact that it was really a “Bottom 10” list, and I forgot to include a number one. That’s poor listcraftsmanship on my part, and I regret it. I apologize. Regardless, here it is:
10. When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
9. No man is an island.
8. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
7. A picture is worth a thousand words.
6. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
5. You can’t always get what you want.
4. God helps those who help themselves.
3. You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.
2. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
8) Top 10 Days of the Week:
This, to be frank, was an oversight. I jumped into this list very quickly, before realizing that I would quickly be out of days of the week before I was out of room on the list. I did my best with what I could, but this list only gets the 9 spot.
10. Monday, when you momentarily forget its Monday.
9. Thursday, when you think its Friday
8. Wednesday when you think its Saturday (you’re an idiot)
7) Top 10 shirts I own:
This is also an oversight on my part. I forgot to take any pictures when I wrote this list, so its just a vague description. As such, this is not one of my favorite lists.
10. My red plaid shirt
9. My black plaid shirt
8. My “Be nice to sex workers” shirt
7. My purple plaid shirt
6. My Elephant Six Recording Company shirt
5. My striped red shirt
4. My other red plaid shirt
3. My grey shirt
2. My shirt with the self-portrait of that painter whose name I cannot recall
1. My green plaid shirt.
6) Top 10 pictures I took this year:
Noticing a common thread here. Once again I did not add any pictures, which is kind of vital for a list of best pictures. However, this list does bring back some good memories, so its not the worst.
10. The selfie I took at Newport Folk Festival
9. The family picture at Cape Cod
8. The picture I took of Abbi and Ilana at the DCM ASSSCAT
7. The selfie I took with my mom at my sister’s bachelorette party
6. The selfie I took with a cake
5. The picture I took at the Red Sox game
4. The picture I took at the Eric Garner protest
3. The selfie I took with cranberry apple juice bottles
2. The picture I took of my old cat
1. The picture from my sister’s wedding where we’re making funny faces
5) Top 10 albums I listened to for the first time this year:
This was not a bad list, but I am not sure if I really covered everything. I do not particularly remember the albums I listened to early in the year, so a lot of this list is focused in the past few months. If I had prepared a bit more, the list may be better. Still, as I said, a solid list.
10. Waxahatchee—American Weekend
9. Bomb the Music Industry!—Adults!!!: Smart!!! Shithammered!!! And Excited by Nothing!!!!!
8. Chris Farren—Like a Gift From God or Whatever
7. Modern Baseball—You’re Gonna Miss It All
6. St. Vincent—St. Vincent
5. The Front Bottoms—Talon of the Hawk
4. Lorde—Pure Heroine
3. Mal Blum—Tempest in a Teacup
2. Chris Gethard—My Comedy Album
1. Chumped—Teenage Retirement
4) Top 10 books I read this year:
2014 was maybe the year I did the most reading, and I am glad to have it documented here. I did a better job of keeping track of the books I read, as I took pictures so could easily recall. A nice job by me on this list.
10. Barrel Fever (David Sedaris)
9. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love (Raymond Carver)
8. Yes Please (Amy Poehler)
7. Anywhere But Here (Mona Simpson)
6. The Namesake (Jhumpa Lahiri)
5. A Visit From the Goon Squad (Jennifer Egan)
4. White Teeth (Zadie Smith)
3. Infinite Jest (David Foster Wallace)
2. Bad Feminist (Roxane Gay)
1. 1Q84 (Haruki Murakami)
3) Top 10 movies that I watched in 2014:
I thought this was a humorous list, as I included a joke in #2 and #7. I gave myself a good chuckle with this list and I hope you get it as well. The joke in #10 is a little rocky, but I’m glad I kept it in.
10. Star Wars 7 (press copy)
7. Jumanji (the second time)
6. The Skeleton Twins
5. Ping Pong Summer
4. Life Itself
3. Short Term 12
2. The cinema of my imagination
1. Obvious Child
2) My top 10 tweets from 2014:
This list is good because it is all original jokes by me, so it gave me a chuckle while compiling it. It was nice to relive my humorous musings!
10. “7/11 was an inside job”—Confused conspiracy theorist/former convenience store clerk.
9. “BREAKING: Up”—How journalists end relationships.
8. “You may not deserve me at my best, but you do deserve the best soups. Hi, Marilyn Monroe here for Campbell’s Hearty”
7. I am by far the funniest person in group therapy.
6. Sext: I’m eating a family size bag of kettle corn on the train
5. Hey apple your #genuises couldn’t help me get my ex-wife Susan back. Would like a refund.
4. I ate candy before this dentist appointment. I’m not here to make friends.
3. Do I have to wear my cap and gown to every job interview, or just the first one?
2. I AM THE KING OF OFFICE BANTER. BRING ME YOUR WATER COOLERS, I WILL SMALL TALK THEM. SOME WEATHER, CINDY! SEE THE GAME, KEN? I AM GOD
1. My favorite profession is maleman (no homophone).
1) This top 10 list of numbers, along with a rating (from 1 to 10) of those numbers:
This list is just spot on. I nailed it. Not much needs to be said. The scale rating at the end was a pleasant bonus.
10. 9 (3)
9. 4 (4)
8. 3 (4)
7. 5 (4.5)
6. 10 (5.5)
5. 8 (6)
4. 2 (6.5)
3. 1 (8)
2. 6 (9)
1. 7 (9.5)