“Master Baggins, who’s that?”  

“This old thing?  He’s my wretched souvenir from that quest, that’s what.”  

Like they could be cute old people buuuuuut like 98% of the time they would give each other so much shit and mutter scathing commentary under their breath at dull social functions.  The couple that throws shade together stays together.  

(Insp. x x)

Bonus:

4
They need to be.
So they'll hold each other and say it with the press of lips and clutch of fingers. Breathe it softly as the frost and shadows grow over both of them.

I believe in you.

From Four Words, part 16 of the Evil Boyfriends Series by linddzz, the author that always manages to shred my heart into a million tiny pieces.

And on that note, this is for her as well. I know it’s like a gajillion days late, but happy birthday! I’ve already embarrassed myself plenty by sending you awkward, half-baked fanart and fanfictions, so I’m going to not send you this link and just hope that you somehow see this. idk. ugh i love you you’re awesome okay i’m done.

RotG fic: The Haunting of Overland House 1/?

Title: The Haunting of Overland House 1/?

Rating: NC-17

Note: Someone prompted linddzz and I kind of hijacked it. Sorry, anon. 

Summary: Koz and his daughter have moved into a loft in a small town in Virginia. It’s spacious and it has a great view over the lake, but they didn’t realise that a ghost called Jack came with it. 

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Establishing Connection

For linddzz, ‘cuz her birthday’s in a week or so, she’s discovered the joys of Boffinshield and ot3s, and Signal Strength and Safe and Distant make me want to write about these dorks, like all the time. This particular fic is set in Signal Strength’s universe, which is basically Middle Earth but with modern tech. They have cars and computers and guns now, it’s great (until you remember that orcs were bad enough with just swords and shit). Anyways, this fic is also post-quest, with Bilbo having gone back home to the Shire for a bit.  

So here’s part one of I haven’t a clue how many more, currently entitled in my documents folder as “boffinshield - LDRs suck.odt” 

Bofur: I can’t understand what you see in him.
Bilbo: Who?
Bofur: His Royal Majesty the Broody. He’s been in one of his dark moods ever since ya set out from Erebor.
Bilbo: I don’t know what exactly I see in him. I know he’s grumpy. I know he can be rude, and pig-headed, and harsh. I know his faults all too well.
Bofur: So…why are ya in a relationship with him again?

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Benjamin Franklin once said "I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night"

Last night, I was the man drinking water, and linddzz was the one talking. Let’s have a look:

It starts out pretty innocuous, a bit of flailing, some backwards typing…

Getting worse…

Oh look now she’s trying to get the rest of us drunk how nice

’#imma have mor whiskey’ no I think you’ve had enough

Ah, yes, replying to the impression asks (this was mine, but the next is my personal favorite)

ALLLLLL THE INCES

getting past the point of legibility

murmuredlullabye and I start talking about it in between our discussion of the blogger au. At this point we’re both gasping for breath because we’ve been reading all of linddzz’s alcohol tag

I baited her into this tag meme (I actually told her to do it when sober but apparently she’s feisty when drunk)

Oh good I wasn’t the only one buzzing around her head like an annoying fly. “SWEIRLY SWRIL” oh my GOD

a new question arises: does she get emotional once she’s reached a certain point?

note to self: never write smut while drunk (tho I don’t write smut. And I don’t drink ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

no don’t

those are my tags. Apparently ppl get contradictory when drunk. Who knew?

I do believe we got a glimpse of Mahrana’s next chapter, though this was the end of linddzz’s blogged adventures with bourbon. Hopefully she woke up without too bad of a headache!

Well ONE of us is going to have to change

Basically ages ago linddzz and I had a random exchange about Jack and Pitch ending up in the same lingerie at a party (and jvalentyne drew this AMAZING picture :D :D :D). I started to write something about how that might come about but decided that I should probably finish one of the gazillion things I have already started. So here’s what’s been written. Unfortunately it doesn’t even get to the Koz/Pitch in lingerie bit, but if anyone wants to write any more, have at it :)

Click below for Jack going into a fetish club for the first time, wearing lingerie under his jeans. 

===

It doesn’t look like a sex club. Or a fetish club, or – or whatever. It doesn’t look like anything special or interesting. It just looks like an office, or-

A couple in skintight latex walk past and step through the door.

Well. Looks like Jack’s in the right place.

Now…

Now he just needs to go inside.

Taking in a deep breath, he slots a grin into place and pushes open the door.

The latex couple are at a desk, handing over their payment and joking with the cashier guy. He’s cute, Jack thinks – brown hair and green eyes and an adorable smattering of freckles. Maybe later-

Maybe Jack needs to get ahold of his hormones.

The latex couple receive a ticket each and then push through a curtain into who knows what, and Jack approaches the cashier, who looks him up and down.

“We’ve got a dress code,” he says, and Jack nods. He pushes up his hoodie and-

Come on, come on, you didn’t come all this way to freak out now, this is the whole reason you wanted to come here.

He tugs at the waistband of his jeans, just enough to show a peek of the lacey panties he wears beneath. The cashier grins and nods appreciatively.

“Looks good. There’s a place to change inside. You got ID?”

Jack hands over his fake ID and hopes to hell it passes muster. A second passes, then another, and Jack thinks fuck fuck fuck but then it’s handed back to him.

“Thanks. That’s $10.”

Jack hands over his crumpled ten and turns to the curtain.

On the other side is-

He doesn’t know, really. It’s somewhere he can wear lingerie and nothing else and that’s what brought him here. Running on hormones and nothing else, common sense a distant memory, he drove ten miles to this place and fuck, what’s he got himself into?

Fuck it, he thinks. He’s paid his money, he might as well see what’s on the other side.

He pushes through the curtain-

And sees a bar. People drinking, and talking, and laughing. Admittedly they’re wearing latex and lingerie, corsets, leather pouches, collars with leashes and outfits made from nothing but rope. But other than that, it could be any old bar.

“You looking for the dressing room?” A woman with brightly-coloured hair, wearing a corset to match and thigh-high boots. She smiles at him, and the man whose leash she’s holding – a man wearing bunny ears, with tribal tattoos on his arms and chest. He glares at Jack.

“Uh. Yeah.”

“It’s just over there,” she points. “I can’t wait to see what you’re wearing! My favourite part of this place is seeing what everyone’s wearing.”

“Sure,” he says, and dashes away to the dressing rooms, which turn out to be curtained cubicles with ceiling-to-floor mirrors. He strips quickly, figuring that if he’s mostly naked it’ll be harder for him to wimp out. Stuffing his clothes into a lockbox under the bench, he examines himself. Satiny panties with a lace trim, matching suspender belt and sheer stockings with lace tops. He-

He looks pretty fucking hot, actually, he thinks, and grins.

He can do this. He can rock this.

He pulls aside the curtain and steps back out into the bar area.

ridersofbrohon asked:

Boffinshield OT3 meme because I never thought I'd have an OT3, but your and linddzz have the cutest headcanons and now I'm stuck in this hell. Who’s the messiest one? Who’s the funnies drunk? Who texts the most? Who has the most embarrassing taste in music? Who reads the most? Who’s better with kids? Who’s the one that fixes things around the house? Who’s got the weirdest hobby? Who cooks and who cleans up and who ends up getting in the way?

Welcome aboard the SS Boffinshield! linddzz and I are pleased to be your captains! :) 

Honestly I spent so long trying to wrap my mind around the Bofur/Thorin dynamic in this OT3 I wasn’t at all prepared for when it actually clicked. I’m so happy to share all these headcanons with you!

Headcanons ahoy!

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