Before I Go To Bed...

I’m not depressed…. I’m not… Sad, angry, upset, or relle anything other than just…. Disappointed? And it’s just… Tonight that kinda made me flash back on a lot of shit and I’ve grown back to not being able to tell someone I love them because in all honesty I don’t believe that the ones that I tell that too say it and have the same meaning to it as I do… I think they say it out of habit or playfulness again and not out of emotion… If I’m told “I love you” now I don’t feel loved. I feel… Normal? Because that’s a normal word in society now and to me that’s not okay…. I don’t want to be loved because the last times someone “loved” me I broke. I’ve never been cared for in the way that I would think that “love” would care for you in. Love to me right now is an illusion…. I don’t know… People don’t see the world like I do I guess…. Well… I know… Ha…. Goodnight.