Want to talk girth? Of course you do.The average circumference of an erect penis is 4.59 inches (11.66 centimeters), while the normal circumference of a flaccid penis is 3.66 inches (9.31 centimeters).
So why did researchers conduct this lengthy (ha! sorry) study? Well, to quiet men’s fears about not measuring up, of course.
"We wanted to be able to help men and their doctors with a definitive paper since there are many contradictory reports from small or poor quality studies," study co-author Dr. Gordon Muir told The Huffington Post. “Many men live lives of misery and shame, or undergo harmful and unproven interventions, due to a false belief they are abnormal.”
Let me know when studies talk about vaginas and boobs, and quelling a woman’s fear that she is not normal.
My head cannon is that Lily was a runner and woke up early every day and ran a few miles. Also that James was a brilliant writer but could never start papers so he always had to have someone (Remus, Sirius, Peter, Lily, McGonagall, First Years) start them for him
ALL THE TIMES JAMES POTTER STUPIDLY LET HIS ‘FRIENDS’ START HIS PAPERS IN SEVENTH YEAR:
Sirius: Hello I’m James Potter and i make all my friends start my stupid potions moonstone essays because I’m lazy as fuck.The points i will be covering to day are: How Sirius Black has better hair than me, how Sirius Black has a better body than me and how i have a huge crush on Evans that LITERALLY EVERYONE knows about because i am not subtle at all and- SIRIUS I CANNOT TURN IN MY PAPER WITH THE WORD ‘FUCK’ IN IT AND EXCUSE YOU MY HAIR IS WAY BETTER THAN YOURS
Remus:This is essay is meant to be about why the double twist wand movement used in transfiguration is important, but it is not going to be about that. Basically I’m going to list all the times James has stolen something from a teachers office because i’m really tired and do not want to start this essay so there was that time he stole Professor Elliot’s spare store of Arabus flow- AND THAT’S ENOUGH FROM YOU MOONY
Peter: Ah, um. Hi I’m James. wait, can you start an Astronomy essay with Hi? oh merlin, Okay. This essay is going to be on Jupiter’s moons and- wait, was it Jupiter’s moons or Neptune’s? or maybe it was Jupiter’s suns. Hold on, does Jupiter have its own sun? what is this on? why did i agree to this? where- YOU AGREED BECAUSE YOU’RE MEANT TO BE MY MATE PETE MERLIN WHY AM I FRIENDS WITH ALL OF YOU SHITLORDS
Professor McGonagall: Potter I’m not starting your essay for you, I do not know why you thought i would. Do your own work and focus more in class rather than staring at Miss Evans- RIGHT THANKS A BUNCH PROFESSOR wait no I wasn’t shouting no i promise please don’t give me detention I’ll give you this bag of chocolate frogs.
Random First Year: This is my essay on why Bowtruckles are important to the magical ecosystem. They are important because Bowtruckles help support the Arabus tree flowers, which are very pretty, almost as pretty as i think Lily Evans is- OKAY WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WHY WOULD YOU WRITE- WHAT DO YOU MEAN SIRIUS TOLD YOU TO?!
Lily: This essay’s subject is going to be on why James shouldn’t ambush people when they are out on their morning run instead of the Potions one he wants me to start. But apparently he ambushes a lot of people because he’s not very good at disposing of the other essay’s, which contain some very damaging information. Like that he stares at super-mega-hot-babe Lily Evans in transfiguration. Which is totally okay, because she just happens to stare at him back, only she’s more subtle about it-
(James never gets to hand in that particular essay, because it turns out Lily’s lips are even more distracting than he thought)
Someone tapping your car window woke you from your slumber. You rubbed your eyes to see a police officer motioning you to step out the car.
"Excuse me ma’am you know sleeping on the side of the road is illegal here in California?"
You leaned up against the car and let out a huge sigh. As if this week couldn’t get any worse.
"What’s the fine?"
"How much do I have to fucking pay Mr. Officer!"
The police officer looked taken back but he cleared his throat and went back to his car to pull up your license and bill you the fine.
After about 20 minutes he came back with a yellow slip of paper and went back to his car and drove off. $850?!! You covered your hands with your face and again just let out another sigh. You were all cried out. You were all screamed out. All your feelings were just out. You got into your car and started to finally drive home.
You decided to take the long way back to your loft. Instead of taking the highway and the busy city streets, you took the surface streets that had all the vineyards, suburban homes, and farms. It was relaxing considering the past events that had happened.
You couldn’t get the ring of Jack’s laugh out of your head. You could forget the hurtful words he said but honestly you were starting not to care. You were actually getting over it.
Maybe Jack wasn’t meant to be a constant in your life like you hoped he be. Maybe he was one of those experiences God put in your life to learn something. But you hadn’t learned anything new that you didn’t already know. The only thing you learned was that when the people who you love and care about the most could end up hurting you the worst.
"Oh my god you’re in love with me!"
Those words were on replay. You in love with Jack! That wasn’t even possible…was it? You never thought of Jack like that and until now you were thinking it was for the best. No! You can’t love Jack hell you can’t even like Jack for all the shit that he’s done to you in the past 31 hours.
You jumped as you saw your phone ringing. You ignored it and continued driving down the empty road, but it kept beeping and you finally saw all the notifications from your friends. Text messages, Facetime calls, voicemails, Twitter mentions, and snapchats from all of the boys.
Y/N?!! Where are you??!! We all came to check on you after dinner and you’re not here! Please call us!
@Y/T/N: Babygirl please pick up your phone!
Y/N! YOUNG LADY IF YOU DONT COME HOME RIGHT NOW I’m going to cry please pick up your phone.
You giggled at Nash’s voicemail and closed your phone. It was nice to know that they were worried about you but they couldn’t make you feel any better. You also noted that Jack didn’t send you anything. Did he know? Or more importantly did he care?
Your phone beeped again. Probably another voicemail from the boys when you noticed Jack’s contact name.
"Boys said you didn’t make it home"
You shook your head. Everyone else was worried but he texted you like someone made him do it. Like the boys knew “Oh if Jack texts her then she’s sure to answer!”
You reached for your phone and opened your contacts blocking Jack’s number, Twitter, Instagram, and deleting his Snapchat. If he didn’t want you in his life then fine you were going to make it easy for him…
When you finally got home you walked in to an empty loft. Thank God you didn’t want to deal with anyone you just wanted more sleep. As you climbed the steps someone rang the doorbell. You were really contemplating just walking up to your room but you went to answer the door.
When you looked to see who was here at your house at 9 in the morning you saw Madison?
She let herself in and walked into your living room turning around to face you.
"Look Madison I don’t wanna fight with you so if you want me to apologize then fine I’ll do it."
"I don’t want your weak ass apology that I know you won’t even mean it."
You shook your head. You can’t be nice to her. Even when you tried being reasonable with her she was the one who would act like a bitch but too bad Jack couldn’t see that.
"Then get out of my house!"
"Jack told me how you confessed your love for him last night, when the boys said you didn’t make it home I was happy I thought you drove off a cliff."
"I never confessed my love to your boyfriend. You can have him. ALL OF HIM I DON’T CARE ABOUT HIM ANYMORE!"
"Sweetie I do have all of him I mean did you honestly think he’d go for someone like you, like girl look at yourself. You’re a "singer" who’s going no where in life and your EP isn’t even going to chart. You only hang out with the boys because they have more success than you and you want to be known as "That Girl Who Hangs Out With Nash Grier!" It’s really pathetic baby! You’re a self-righteous, talentless, classless, childish bitch and that’s why Jack will always pick me over you because like we’ve all been saying I’m better than you."
"No you’re not…"
Madison’s face twisted into horror as you turned around to see Jack standing behind you. You hadn’t realized you had been crying.
"Jack I told you to stay in the car!"
"You were taking too long and I wanted to see if everything was okay but I see it’s not!" He said while walking up behind you.
"How much did you hear?" You said barely audible but since Jack was so close to you he could hear it perfectly clear.
"Enough to know that you were right."
"Jack! Baby I di-"
"How dare you come and insult her like that in her house! I asked you to knock on the door to see if she made it back and when she answered we were supposed to drive away and go get food but you came in here and proved everything that all my friends and fans said about you was true so get the fuck out here and walk home bitch it’s over."
You watched as Madison stormed past you and Jack and to your front door before turning and yelling,”You! It’s always been fucking you!”
You let out the breath you had been holding in as you felt Jack’s arm wrap around your waist and him nuzzle his face into your neck.
"I’m sorry" he whispered as he planted a kiss on your neck.
You turned around and slapped him so hard he almost fell to the ground. He looked at you with wide eyes while placing a hand on his throbbing cheek.
"What was that for?!"
"You think you can come here and and and do this?!" You screamed while throwing your hands up in the air. You were confused all your feelings and emotions were rushing back and you honestly felt like you were going to blackout.
"I don’t understand Y/N we’re not together anymore!! What’s the problem?"
"The problem is…I don’t know the problem is you! Why are you being so confusing! Yesterday you were so mean to me!The words you say are forever in my heart and etched into my memory and you coming here today as if everything is okay and you break up with your girlfriend in front of me and then expect me to be fine?!!"
"Y/N I was up-"
"SO WAS I JACK! I WAS PISSED AT YOU FOR THE THREE MONTHS THAT YOU HAD BEEN DATING THAT SLUT! BUT YOU SHOWED ME WHO YOU REALLY ARE YESTERDAY AND YOU’RE A FUCKING JERK!" You said while hitting him on his chest.
"These past two days have been hell! My "best friend" let’s his girlfriend disrespect me and then you basically killed me with everything you said yesterday and now you want every thing to be fine huh? You just want to say this all never happened!!"
"I can’t believe you Jack! You’re such a fucking di-"
Your sentence was cut off by Jack pressing his lips to yours. He held your face in his large hands and kissed you. Your eyes wide and you weren’t kissing back. You were in shock.
"Kiss me Y/N I know you want to," he said in a raspy voice as he took your bottom lip in between his teeth.
"No I don’t" you said as you gently pushed him back and began walking up the stairs to your room.
"Really Y/N! You want me to believe that! Can you even believe that?"
You ignored Jack and continued up to your room, you thought you were going to pass out from either the lack of sleep or the tingly feeling all over your body.
Jack grabbed your hand and pushed you gently up against the wall trapping you with his arms.
"You love me you know you do." He said while smirking.
"No I don’t why can’t you get that through your thick skull." You said while glaring and poking his forehead.
"Fine then….but I want you to know that I love you…. a lot and no one else has ever been truly down for me like you have. No one can make me laugh like you can. No one can make me smile randomly like you can because I’m thinking about you. No one turns me on like you can. This outfit damn," he whispered while tracing his fingertips up you thigh until got to the small amount of skin that was peeking through your tank top.
"No one does it better than you do Y/N."
He looked at you and smiled and you smiled back. You slapped him again but this time not as hard.
"That’s for saying that Cabbage Patch was better than me."
Jack laughed and stared down at you as you wrapped your arms around his neck.
"And this is for coming back," you whispered as you kissed him. His hands traveled down your ass and to the back of your thighs as he signaled you to jump and he carried you to your bedroom.
"I love you Jack Finnegan Gilinsky."
"I love you too Y/F/N," he said while lacing your fingers and kissing your neck…
RANDOM FACT: When I lend my books to people(usually just to my closest and most trusted friends or relatives) , I stick little notes like these on the first page of the first chapter.
It serves as a reminder of how much I want them to take proper care of my babies. I list the rules like this because I don’t like explaining it to them all one by one, it’s way more convenient. Aside from being cute, these little post-its are useful in a way that I can make them pay in case they damaged my precious books, since the rules are laid on paper. They act as proof that I warned them beforehand of what might happen when they make a mistake of ruining the books I let them borrow. I know it’s funny and stupid, and a waste of my time, but hey, this is how I go about and so far, these notes work for me! Haha.
this is a man who for most of his life has completely separated himself from other people because he’s afraid of 1. being discovered and 2. what he’ll do if they die.
since he was a kid he’s had recurring nightmares about torture and experimentation.
stress baking is his coping mechanism.
he has a code word to discreetly let people know when he’s having a panic attack.
anxiety-induced acid reflux.
he has a routine for bad mental health days. don’t tell me he’s never slipped a piece of paper under olive’s door telling her not to come into work because it’s an emotional snow day.
typical male leads are action heroes, casanovas, or wisecracking slackers. ned’s whole character development arc revolves around his learning to depend less on the structures that isolate him and more on the people around him. and i think that’s beautiful.
1. I’ve had my face buried in this spreadsheet all day again, and probably have another six or so hours of noodling to prepare for tomorrow’s board meeting. We won’t have enough people to make quorum, so no votes. Just treating it like a steering committee meeting, so I feel just slightly less pressure to have everything buttoned up. I can’t find one important stack of papers, so now have to go through all of the bank statements hunting for the missing information.
2. I’m going to let the board know they will need to find a new manager to start in spring of 2016. This feels very bittersweet to me, but I’m so excited about the plans I’m working on with my friends and soon-to-be business partners. The succession should line up nicely with the launch of our project, which is a secret for the moment.
3. My house smells incredible - I have a pot of potato kale and sweet sausage soup simmering on the stove for supper. I’ll serve it with a pressed veggie salad and the baguette I picked up at market yesterday. I’m so hungry even though I filled up on cinnamon raisin bread french toast and bacon from market, this morning. Urp.
4. Still awfully teary. Made worse by the cold, hard, very unhappy fact that my truck died yesterday. I’ll have it towed to the dealer tomorrow and find out how much it will cost me to get it on the road again, and then make my decision regarding the weekend. If I can’t come to CHSH I’m going to have to stay offline for a week until the pics stop flooding the dash. All of the sad. I will have it.
5. Tater tots with sriracha ranch, is all I’m saying.
I’m conducting a survey about dating for this paper I have to write for my prose writing class. Basically the survey asks you questions about your ideas on hook ups versus general dating, what you look for in a partner and similar questions.
If you have the time and are interested, please fill out the survey here:
Im a good writer, I know I am. It’s so shitty that I keep getting D’s on my essays because I don’t conform well to my teachers writing standards. On the bottom of almost every essay she writes “promising thoughts but needs work on format” or something. Fuck your format and your prompts and your standards let me write about something real and write it so you can pick out MY voice when you read my writing. I don’t wanna sound the exact same as 30 other students writing the same bs paper on the same bs topic.
Hey. Wanted to let you know that my papers are ready tomorrow ^^ I still have a few things to prepare in Japan, but do you think the 14th is a good return date? You talking about the storm made me miss the Uk... and Scotland...
Helloo. 14th aye? You can take the plane to Paris then ;D Heheh it’s a full storm here now. Quite cozy.
“Whatcha readin? It must be good. You read it a lot.”
Slightly embarrassed, I thumbed to the next page. “Just a book with a bunch of fairy tales. You know, princesses, princes, dragons, the standard fairy tale stuff.”
“I like to think so.”
“Which one is your favorite?”
“Hmm let’s see.” I fanned the pages till I was at the table of contents. Using my index finger, I dropped through the different stories, till I found the perfect one. “This one.” I poked the paper with my fingernail.
“The princess of dreams.”
“Oooooo! What is it about?! Would you read it to me?”
“It’s about a princess, who lives two different lives. One when she is awake, and another when she is asleep.” I closed the book and got up from my bed. “I guess I could do that.”
A few months back, Riley (grapecrushsoda) handed me a piece of paper and told me to open it when I was alone. When I finally did, inside was a huge list of things that he loves about me that he had written. From loving me when I’m scared to loving me when I’m drooling while asleep, he left out nothing. I knew I had to let him know the things I loved about him, but in a different way. Valentines day was the next coming holiday, so I knew this would be the perfect chance to let him know how I felt about him. I love being creative with his gifts, so I knew it would have to include coloring of some sort, he loves that. I got a blank puzzle from Michael’s and wrote down everything that I loved about him that I could think of on the back of each piece. Then, on the reverse side, I drew out a message, distorted it by adding extra lines so it would be more of a challenge, and marked in red on every piece where he would need to color in.
As he opened the box full of puzzle pieces, I could tell he was excited. I had him pull a piece out, read it, then turn it over and color in where he was supposed to with any color he wanted. I was originally going to have him color in the spots with red, or do a color by number type deal, but having him do any color was the perfect choice.
When the puzzle was complete and all the pieces were connected, it read, “I LOVE EVERY PIECE OF YOU”, which is completely how I feel. There’s not just one thing I love about Riley, there’s no way I could pick just one, but EVERY single piece of him. I love the way it turned out and I couldn’t have imagined it to look any better, and the same goes for him and I. I love the way we’re turning out as a couple and individuals, and there’s no way I could have planned or thought of it being better. I LOVE YOU!
Shiori was in the library, typing away on her laptop. With a few more sentences she would be finished with the conclusion to her paper, and she wouldn’t have to worry so much about if the study of eugenics was completely ethical. She was tired of taking notes about anything related to biology, so this paper was a godsend to her.
As soon as she added the last period, she sighed in relief and leaned back. Looking up from her computer for the first time in hours, she saw another student sitting across from her. Blushing a little, embarrassed she hadn’t acknowledged him, she shyly waved at him and whispered, “H-Hello…”
"The greenie almost passed out when I got a paper cut the other day, there ain’t no shuckin way he’s becoming a medjack."
The boys laughed at my comment, but I sighed.
"I need to get back to the medjack hut, I left the greenie alone with Jeff. And for the love of god, would you slim it about my arse? Even the greenie won’t leave me alone now!"
The other keepers all laughed at my remark, knowing full well what I was talking about.
Let’s just say they got an eyeful when I was showering late one night…
”Slintheads, all of you.”
-few hours later-
"Bring him in, don’t let him slide off the bed!"
I kept my composure, knowing that with everyone scrambling about like mad, someone had to stay calm. As keeper of the medjacks, that was my specialty.
I had Alby lay Gally down on the bed, and quickly got the story from Newt about what happened while I grabbed water, towels, and alcohol.
"He was showing the newbie how to climb onto the roof for the repairs, and he slipped through a thin patch of the roof. He fell right through, twisting his ankled when he landed and I’m pretty sure his head hit the toolbox on the way down."
"Thank you, Newt. Now I’ll have to ask you all to leave so I can have the space, but I’ll call you all over when I’m done, alright?"
Newt nodded, still visibly upset.
I softened, patting his arm in a comforting gesture.
"He’ll be fine, Newt, I promise. I’ve seen much worse, eh?"
I raised an eyebrow at him, and he blushed slightly at the reminder of what he had done months ago.
I smiled at him, and kissed his cheek.
"Everything will be fine, but you need to let me get to work!" I ushered the small group of boys out of the hut.
I set to work, a frown on my face as I cleaned the deep gash on his cheek. I stitched up the cut as neatly as I could, but the cut was deep enough to leave a visible scar along his jawline.
I then cleaned up the rest of the cuts on his body, although he only needed stitches on his right thigh and shoulder.
Next, I examined his ankle. It was a slight sprain, thankfully, and would only need to get wrapped for the next week or so before he was back on his feet as usual.
The part I was most worried about as his head, though…
I felt cold sensation on my forehead, feeling pain shoot through my body as i tried to stretch out.
"Don’t do that, you’ll only make it worse." I heard Erin’s quiet voice whisper, her lips near my face.
I reached my hands out to try and find her, still unable to open my eyes.
"Yes, Gally, that would be my nose." She laughed a little, taking my hands in hers and squeezing them gently.
"You scared us, you bloody shank." Her voice was barely above a whisper, but I heard the slight edge of fear in it.
I opened my eyes, smiling as I took her in.
Beautiful, as always.
Her eyes looked tired, and I frowned a little.
"How long have you been up?"
"Yesterday morning." She responded, yawning afterwards.
"Why didn’t you go to sleep? There’s three other medjacks here Erin, you can’t do that to yourself."
I spoke softly, squeezing her hands again.
She looked down, blushing a bit.
"I didn’t want to leave you alone. Turns out it’s only a mild concussion, but I was still scared. You really don’t understand how worried I was, Gal- Newt practically forced dinner down my throat."
She laughed, her eyes drooping just a little.
"I’m fine Gal, I’m fine."
She pulled the towel off my forehead, depositing it in the sink beside the bed and getting some bandages,
"I’ll have to change all your bandages now, and rewrap your ankle. Sorry to break it to you Mr. Builder, but no work for the rest of the week."
She grinned wickedly at me, and i groaned.
"I don’t give two klunks what you are, medjack’s orders."
He acted like a child the entire time, enjoying being difficult as usual.
"Gal, I swear to god if you move one more time, I’ll let Jeff amputate your tongue.”
"Feisty, I like it.” Gally grind cheekily at me, and I rolled my eyes.
"I’m going to smack you."
"On the ass?"
I groaned, wishing he was still unconscious.
"Oh, I’m just playing with you Erin. I know you and Newt are a thing."
"WHAT!" I sputtered out, not missing the somewhat sad tone he spoke with.
"Aren’t you two together? I always see you two together, laughing."
"NO, THAT’S DISGUSTING! HE’S LIKE MY BROTHER.”
I gagged, making Gally laugh.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, he spoke up again.
"Then who do you like?"
"You’re daft if you think I’m answering that."
"Come on, Erin! Please!” He groaned.
"Absolutely not, now get up so I can wrap your thigh."
"Not until you tell me." He grinned.
"Fine, let your leg get infected."
He rolled his eyes, getting out of bed carefully and leaning against the counter.
I got down on my knees, wrapping his thigh carefully in new bandages.
"Make one comment about the position we’re in, and I won’t hesitate to cut your balls off."
He laughed loudly, and I got up to look at his cheek next.
My face was dangerously close to his as I examined his face, praying to god that I wouldn’t start blushing.
He eyed my lips, and i pretended not to notice.
He couldn’t like me, could he?
I smiled as she worked. She was always so focused and gentle, it never ceased to make me smile.
"What are you smiling about?"
"You." I said before I could think about it, clapping my hand over my mouth in shock.
"I did not just say that, did I?" She laughed, a blush rising on her cheeks.
"Did you mean it?" She questioned, still examining the gash on my cheek.
"Of course I did." I scoffed as she eyed me disbelievingly, rolling my eyes.
"You don’t have an honest to god clue how bloody amazing you are, do you? Practically everyone here has been pining after you, if you haven’t noticed."
She sighed, putting down the bloody wipe.
"Gal, I’m going to tell you something, and you have to promise not to laugh, okay?"
She wouldn’t look at me.
"You." She whispered quietly.
"I’m sorry, what?"
"You! I like you, you bloody slinthead! You with your stupid smirk, and you-"
I don’t know what came over me, but I pulled her close, my lips hovering just above hers.
"Can I kiss you?" I almost grinned, but didn’t want to wreck the moment.
"I’m not stopping you."
My lips met hers gently, but she deepened the kiss by putting her hands in my hair as I put mine on her cheeks.
I pulled away slightly, a massive grin on my face.
"You like me?"
She scoffed, still blushing.
"Only since the bloody first week you got here."
"Well, I’m on bead rest for the next week, and it seem like we have a lot of time to make up for…"
AN- HOPE YOU LIKED IT, REQUEST ANYTIME!! SCHOOL’S OFF TODAY SO I HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO DO THESE