All this talk about starting new because of the new year… hell I’m doing it too. Perhaps it seems like the time is easiest to do it now. But I’ve been reminding myself as I’ve been preparing to get ready for the new year that I must always be ready to take what life throws at me. I cringe as I type that last sentence because deep down I am still hurting from what has happened in 2011. Whenever I need inspiration to move on and keep going, I listen to Lateralis by Tool. There is no other song in my life that helps me understand that I must accept the spiral of life and accept that the craziness that happens to me should be embraced.
I feel like this song is the theme song to my life. Sometimes I feel like I have no control over what’s happening, whether it’s kidney disease, getting kicked out of nursing school, etc. This song helped me this year. I felt like I had no identity and I had no plan in the world of what I was going to do with my life. I still have minimal plans besides graduate school. This song says embrace the random in your life-whether it is that relapse, maybe you’ll learn something important from it and to “ride the spiral..we may just go where no one’s been”-maybe I’ll accomplish something great I never would have known because of public health. “Spiral out, keep going”-and when you think everything is lost and nothing can be saved, keep going. Embrace the loss of control, you will learn something. And dont give up. Accept you have no control, accept the randomness of life and embrace it. This makes me feel better.
"Feed my will to feel this moment, urging me to cross the line. Reaching out to embrace the random, reaching out to embrace whatever may come.
I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected, enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral.
With my feet upon the ground I lose myself between the sounds and open wide to suck it in, I feel it move across my skin. I’m reaching up and reaching out, I’m reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me, whatever will be willed on me. And following our will and wind we may just go where no one’s been. Ride the spiral to the end, we may just go where no one’s been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going”