I. Am. Me.
Get ready for a very personal post…
A lot has been on my mind lately. I’ve been thinking of everything that i’ve gone through, all the pain, all the triumph. We all have those days when we reflect on our past selves and relive our best and worst memories.
12-Year Old Me: Young, naive and innocent. Those three words defined me until two terrifying events happened that caused me to change as a human being. A family member made me lose something I never knew I even had. An older man came into my home and made me his home. Going through both of these events tore me apart. I had no idea what to do or who to go to. All I had was me, myself and I.
13-Year Old Me: Still young, still naive and no longer innocent. I decided to come out to my parents and my peers. I had so much anger/confusion/sadness building up beneath my skin. On the outside, I was the kid everyone looked at as the happy go lucky sort but on the inside I was the kid losing himself in the darkest of forests.
18-Year Old Me: Somewhat young and still naive. This was the age in which I experienced my very first sad, beautiful, tragic relationship. He seemed perfect. He was the wind to my sails, guiding me to where I needed to be. We took on the world together as if it were falling apart and we loved deeper than the sea. I was never worse but never better.
This also was the age in which I experienced my first heart break. I never knew that losing him would be so hard. Rain fell for days and my stomach became lonely. The mirror reflected a collection of bones just standing there, no expression. I was back to my 12-year old self.
19-Year Old Me: Again, somewhat young and still naive. Being through three relationships and meeting so many people, I gained a knowledge on what I wanted out of a relationship. I’ve had picture perfect friendships and i’ve had friendships that I had to cut the strings on.
Though many things I left out and my writing can be somewhat messy, this is who i’ve become.
I know what heartbreak feels like and because of that, I have become a better lover. I learned that sex is not a game. I’ve learned the importance of being faithful and learned how to show respect in the instance of love. I am on a search for a lonely heart who is willing to let me turn the key and bring only the brightest of lights into their life.
I’ve felt betrayal over and over. I’ve felt that knife strike into my back and twist a full 360 degrees, because of this, I have become a better friend. Friendships are everything to me. Without friends, I wouldn’t be here writing this right now. Never forget the importance of your friends. A true friend will accompany through all our battles and support all of your dreams. (SIDE NOTE: I love my family. My parents have and still continue to do everything to make sure I am okay. I consider them two of my best friends and god, they are the best)
If there’s one thing i’ve learned in these 19 years, it’s that you have to live the life that makes YOU happy. Walk your own walk, talk your own talk, create your own definition of love, don’t be afraid to laugh, don’t be afraid to dance in the street, don’t be afraid to be YOU. The mirror can’t show your true beauty, only you can.
It took me 19 years to say it but I’m glad I finally can::
I. Am. Me.