lately my best is my worst

Selflovesunday Sunday- annesmiless
I figured I should do this because lately all I can see are the negatives about my body.

But I love my legs. I may be thicker thighed than most dancers but that makes me even more powerful to jump and spin and kick. Though I dislocated my knee and had to have major surgery to repair the damage I managed to make it past the audition and get into university on a knee that was still not functioning properly. My legs are my worst enemy but best friend and I’m trying to show them more love because I appreciate the fact that they enable me to do things lots of people can’t.


Only after we had been crossing streets for a few minutes did Ibegin to weigh up the potential hazards of the situation I had embraced withcomplete and unblemished childlike trust, I had no knowledge of who this woman Ihad followed so blindly actually was, nor where she had come from, or indeedwhy her avid hopeful eagerness to aid was so subtly unsettling. As if dictated from a pre-planned script she had recruited both myself and my foundling child into unquestioned compliance, sprinting in the space between my limbs and escape as we kicked up flying freckles of snowfall with each hurried step. Crooked intersection street signs passed by in a blur of jumbled letters, I could only move forward in simplistic sentiment that this chapter of my day would end with the happiness I so deserved, yet there would be no way to confirm my worst or best predictions until potentially it could be too late. Harmless wonder is all I wanted to attribute my confidence to at her open offer of assistance, yet the negative pessimistic person deep inside whispered that there was no such thing as good in the world; just look at the chain of events I had been involved in over the past twenty four hours. Each and every day in a previous life I had passed by printed headlines of abductions, murders and the worst type of crimes towards women, what’s to say that my comeuppance would be any different from theirs when all I had to believe in was that I deserved some semblance of revered luck to better circumstances; a place to rest my head for a couple of hours before a consistent plan could be put into play that would leave myself and my girl relying on only my strong shoulders to guide us through the tempestuous turbulence of today.

From beneath mascara smeared lashes I snuck a glance at the saviour by my side, her face set forward whilst chewing on a rouged lip in a manner that seemed out of character, clenched knuckles holding tight to a plastic bound clipboard as she struggled to keep up with my hurried haste, tiny beads of condensation exhaled breathlessly with each second. It was a strangely perturbing sensation to be rushing along through unknown streets with no hope of where we would end up, just the pledge of her uttered oath that the wintery wilderness would soon give way to the safe place she described so vaguely, yet my weary legs spurred on further with the hope that I could choose to outrun her should the need arise. As if she sensed my inflicted analysis, the woman chose that exact moment to push out her flattened hand in defiance, slowing pace as we came to a unified stop, her shortened breaths diminishing into wistful clouds.

“I…think…I think…we outrun…him…?”

Although I possessed no athleticism I did however spent elongated hours on my feet each day, earning the right to increased speed when needed, for anyone who has worked a month in the hospitality industry could describe in great detail the inexplicable aching pains as tired legs were forced into further steps, cramps and blisters that came with the obscured exercise, a work-out that separated the weak from the promising. Despite her willowy frame my companion was clearly outdone by as she bent down to place open palms on bent thighs, brushing a bead of sweat that had formed in the confines of her hairline as her coat-clad chest concaved in attempt to draw deep breaths.

“Hey, you okay?”

Roles reversed as instinctively I became the caregiver, cautious outstretched fingertips grazed the starchy fabric of her jacket in a familiar gesture that was subconsciously reciprocated on Hope’s shivering back, the carried child’s cries now receded into shaky sobs of acceptance as she acclimatised with despair.

“Yeah…m’okay. Just usually when I run I have appropriate footwear.”

She grinned apologetically, flicking her foot so that the spindly heeled stiletto was raised above ankle-deep snow momentarily before placing it uneasily back into the slush underfoot with an unescapable shudder. This small inane act broke the nervous tension we had ran from in the escape from the faceless fear and now we shared a mutual understanding for a split second before realisation came back into play and the sparkle in her eyes dropped back into official character, contemplating the reasons which had led to us darting together through an impending solitary storm. Somewhere deep in the distance of mid-morning harmony a heavy duty truck sang a symphony of groaning turns, lonely survivors began to trickle through the empty streets yet still the majority of the population stayed locked in high rise towers. I could feel the judgement of a thousand pairs of eyes from above and I tugged on my saviour strangers arm, pleading with imploring eyes for our journey to continue into the deep confines of an unknown sanctuary, regardless of if it was the best situation to find myself in.

“Can we…”

“Of course. It’s not far now.”

With revived strength we pushed on in fitful pace, steps not quite as panicked as they had been previously yet the urgency continued underfoot in slippery strides on icecracked cement. Still clueless of where the final tread would lead us I tried to remain open minded, if not a touch unconvinced when we turned into a tucked away alley, sidestepping over spilled trash bins and patches of dull untouched snow that shied away from human contact as we fell deeper into shadowy no-mans land. Desperately trying to not free the condescending confusion that had sunk over me with the same depth as the thickening storm clouds above I simply smiled, following in the melted footprints of my leaders well-placed steps whilst steadying myself against the graffiti splattered bricks, wincing at the roughness that grazed tender fingertips as the walls pivoted into a narrow passageway that threatened to swallow us from all sides. Just as it seemed we could venture no further she turned back towards me, voice lowered as the surrounding street that we had entered from disappeared into a lonely bright speck of daylight lost between sky high monotonous brick buildings.

“Okay, we’re here.”


I looked around incredulously, for the safe haven had yet to jump out from a hiding spot beneath frozen scattered binbags and stale urine stink, although I squinted in the haze of murky darkness there seemed to be little light at the end of the proverbial tunnel save for the wistful cast-off of winter sun through coated clouds high above. Still my companion moved further into the never-ending passageway, pivoting her slender figure into a small gap behind a dumpster before beckoning me forward to where she stood.

“Don’t worry, it’s a hidden entrance that we use. Just in case someone sees you go in through the main way. It’s perfectly fine.”

She spoke almost though convincing an untrustworthy child across a dangerous divide, hands clasped as if my arrogant insolence was projected unfairly yet I felt a lump rise in the soft spot of my throat, hands holding onto Hope’s shivering figure a little harder than they should as I fought the urge to turn tail lest discover what could be hidden deep in the darkest corner of the corridor. Taking tentative steps I found myself staring across a littered walkway at a concealed doorway tucked behind a brick pillar, almost invisible to those who were not blessed with a knowledgeable guide as I was.

“I…I’m not sure…”

The words tumbled out unplanned, defiant mutterings almost inaudible in the swirl of the rising wind that threatened from the swollen sky ahead, for verbalising my apprehension only seemed to further my interwoven misperception; I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure about the actions I had taken to lead me to this hideaway dusky blot in the middle of nowhere, I wasn’t sure about the lifelong commitment I held in my grasp even though my heart screamed otherwise, I wasn’t sure what lay behind the doorway and if I wanted to find out. Everything in my fibre wept with insecurity and lack of guarantee, desperation for everything to work out in a fairytale happy ending, yet all I could put my trust in was a kind stranger’s smile and how she would either save or damn me, would I find out before it was too late or would I be led down the urban garden path into regret and eternal solemn repentance. My cheek turned instinctively to shield the tears of frustration that threatened to fall, tiny droplets filled to the brim with anger and agony at the confusion that wrapped around my feelings in a devils vice. The attempt at covering movement was pointless, for the tiny snuffle that emitted from my utter contempt seemed to echo endlessly around the tiny enclosed space, offering me no freedom from the suffocation of my own tensions.

“Are you okay?”

Lost in my own self-pity I had barely noticed that my companion had turned to gauge the hesitancy that now kept us waiting in a snow sodden trash pile, her intent stare somewhat unsettling as if my internal debate was laid bare for all to see, written in inky tattooed words across my tender exhausted flesh as I hung from the ground in an careless crucifixion. Embarrassed I scrubbed at my face with the back of my hand, leaning forward in determination; fuck it, I had little other options than to retreat through a derelict doorway to see what was on the other side.

“Yep. Sorry, it’s so cold out here.”

My words were delivered with the sulky temperate of a sullen teen yet I forced a smile upon cracked lips, falling in line with her statute position to peer across a coat-clad shoulder as manicured nails pressed against a combination pinpad that was strikingly well-maintained in comparison to the surroundings. Only now I was closer could I spy the same curved logo in the corner of the entranceway that her name badge held with pride, an insignificant branded symbol that linked both my unknown protector and this tucked away building to an organisation I could swear I recognised somehow, yet the name and purpose still eluded even the most desperate recollection in the treasure trove of my mind. The symphony of beeping buttons gave way to an electronic click confident to authorise her classification and we were permitted admission through the safeguarded entranceway, the final pause on the journey a quick glance around before we retreated inside and into the fearless fate of what was to come next.

the worst feeling is knowing you need new friends because you argue so much with your current ones but being afraid to tell them because you think it’ll start another argument.

anonymous asked:

what do you see all the characters doing in the future? like for work

oh man what a great question!! i love talking about this shit how did u know anon

this is about to get way long-winded BUCKLE UP

Keep reading

I. Am. Me.

Get ready for a very personal post…

A lot has been on my mind lately. I’ve been thinking of everything that i’ve gone through, all the pain, all the triumph. We all have those days when we reflect on our past selves and relive our best and worst memories. 

12-Year Old Me: Young, naive and innocent. Those three words defined me until two terrifying events happened that caused me to change as a human being. A family member made me lose something I never knew I even had. An older man came into my home and made me his home. Going through both of these events tore me apart. I had no idea what to do or who to go to. All I had was me, myself and I. 

13-Year Old Me: Still young, still naive and no longer innocent. I decided to come out to my parents and my peers. I had so much anger/confusion/sadness building up beneath my skin. On the outside, I was the kid everyone looked at as the happy go lucky sort but on the inside I was the kid losing himself in the darkest of forests. 

18-Year Old Me: Somewhat young and still naive. This was the age in which I experienced my very first sad, beautiful, tragic relationship. He seemed perfect. He was the wind to my sails, guiding me to where I needed to be. We took on the world together as if it were falling apart and we loved deeper than the sea. I was never worse but never better. 

This also was the age in which I experienced my first heart break. I never knew that losing him would be so hard. Rain fell for days and my stomach became lonely. The mirror reflected a collection of bones just standing there, no expression. I was back to my 12-year old self. 

19-Year Old Me: Again, somewhat young and still naive. Being through three relationships and meeting so many people, I gained a knowledge on what I wanted out of a relationship. I’ve had picture perfect friendships and i’ve had friendships that I had to cut the strings on. 

Though many things I left out and my writing can be somewhat messy, this is who i’ve become.

I know what heartbreak feels like and because of that, I have become a better lover. I learned that sex is not a game. I’ve learned the importance of being faithful and learned how to show respect in the instance of love. I am on a search for a lonely heart who is willing to let me turn the key and bring only the brightest of lights into their life. 

I’ve felt betrayal over and over. I’ve felt that knife strike into my back and twist a full 360 degrees, because of this, I have become a better friend. Friendships are everything to me. Without friends, I wouldn’t be here writing this right now. Never forget the importance of your friends. A true friend will accompany through all our battles and support all of your dreams. (SIDE NOTE: I love my family. My parents have and still continue to do everything to make sure I am okay. I consider them two of my best friends and god, they are the best)

If there’s one thing i’ve learned in these 19 years, it’s that you have to live the life that makes YOU happy. Walk your own walk, talk your own talk, create your own definition of love, don’t be afraid to laugh, don’t be afraid to dance in the street, don’t be afraid to be YOU. The mirror can’t show your true beauty, only you can. 

It took me 19 years to say it but I’m glad I finally can::

I. Am. Me. 

Tagged by imapurplezebra


1. Write your own the rules.
2. Answer from the person who tagged you.
3. Make 11 new questions.
4. Tag whoever tagged you so they can see your answers

1. Do you have any siblings? 

Yes. One little sister.

2. What is the best movie ever in your opinion?

Big Hero 6 (idek not a big movie person)

3. What is your best memory?

Getting my artwork hung up when I was younger. So happy.

4. What is your worst memory?

Being called a burden to my family. Ugh.

5. Would you read dawn of the arcana if I asked you to?

Idk what that is? Probably??

6. Who do you trust most in the world?

Not really anyone. But the most would be one of my internet friends. 

(chana hai)

7. Who is your most favorite fictional character?

ANNABETH (percy jackson series)

8. How old are you?

14 ew fetus pizza face

9. How do you think people would describe you?

short af, like gnome short

10. What is the meaning of life?

mmm watcha sayyy

11. Who do you ship yourself with?

To be real.. idk. A emma watson and hannah hart love child?? i dont fucking know.

Okay! Now for my questions for you guys!

1. What is your favourite colour?
2. Best song ever?
3. OTP?
4. Any tattoos or piercings?
5. Three wishes from a genie. What would be your third wish.
6. One thing you like about yourself.
7. Favourite book?
8. How old are you?
9. What colour are your eyes?
10. What is the meaning of internet?
11. Favourite meme?

I tag:







And da famili but i am a lazy shit who cant remember the urls. much thank.


PUSH15 Brief Intro

(All right.. so some have asked me to post what I have spoken about when I speak… so I’ll go ahead and do so.. if nothing else for shits and giggles.. enjoy)

IF there is one thing that can be said about Craig Hospital, it’s that it brings the best out of the worst situations.  A common expression that I’ve heard a lot lately and said a few times myself to loved ones of those at Craig is this:

I’m sorry that they have to be here because of the injury, BUT you couldn’t be at a better place.  And speaking from my personal experience, I can vouch. 

Going from nearly passing away 3 times while trying to get back to the states, not being able to sit up in my bed alone, and having hardware drilled into the bones of my lower limbs for the better part of a year, TO finally making it to Craig… and with the hard work from some of the kids at Hanger, Natasha, and Maggie (who was my physical therapist) to being able to get back on my feet again.  Then taking that hard work and shortly there after, surprising my parents on thanksgiving day by standing and ambulating out of my room… the tears in their eyes.  THOSE are the moments of victory and triumph that Crag Hospital creates…

And if I could just have a spontaneous moment with you all.  Last night I finally watched Theory of Everything.  Who here has seen that movie?  Give me a show of hands.  … … The scene that struck me the most was at the very end. When Lisa and Stephen were watching their three kids play and he said to her, “Look at what we’ve created.”  Through a seemingly random and awful lottery he was stricken with and suffered through ALS… AND look at all he created.  Patrick, through a seemingly random and senseless act of violence (Patrick Ireland was honored during the dinner.  Survivor of Columbine Massacre and recovered at Craig) look at what your triumph created.. look at the beautiful family you created.. look at what your triumph inspired your sister to become (Maggie Ireland became a physical therapist at Craig Hospital)… all the lives that she touched including my own.  And with the help and generosity of everyone here, who knows what future triumphs we’ll create together.  That’s the amazing thing about this place.

BUT it’s not just about inpatient and outpatient care. It’s about longer term health, wellness, fitness and getting back to the things you love.  Wether it’s through cutting edge rehab equipment or new technologies in Recreation Therapy, Craig Hospital is always pushing the limits for its patients.  Take a look… 

You guys can ignore this if you want. I just wanna let stuff out.

I think I’m finally happy. Like I said in my previous post, school is finally going in the right path. I actually made friends at my new uni. I feel good. I’m in the best shape of my life. I wake up at 6 in the morning everyday not feeling tired. Idk I just feel happier and healthier. Also I haven’t had any depressing thoughts lately and I’ve been clean for a hella long time. I think focusing on myself rather than others made me stronger since I didn’t have to depend on people for happiness. And I think that was the worst thing. But on a positive note, I don’t have a girlfriend so that means the best times of my life hasn’t even happened yet.


All boys want is one thing
My father said
Much much much too late
Now I am here
And you are there,
The source of all my hate
I was a flower
In my prime
A beauty of such things,
But then I was
Your puppet doll,
But now I cut the strings
I trusted you,
Believed in you
I thought you thought the same
But there you are
And here I am,
The one that is insane
I thought you were the best
But all you did was use me
Thinking you were the worst,
Too late,
You already had abused me
But still I held on strong
A leech with such a bite
Realizing in the end
YOU were the parasite
I once was fragile,
Now am strong,
The fault is your own
And now you can
Just see my strength
who else would have known
That thanks to you
My light, so true
Can now truly glow

this may be late, but...

Parks and Recreation has ended. And it couldn’t have ended more beautifully. This show is by far my favorite show, and it has always been there for me, and it was the show I turned to when I was at my worst. What started as a show selected out of boredom turned into one of the best shows I have ever watched. And now that it’s over, I can’t help but feel so overwhelmed with emotion. I’m crying, laughing, smiling. 

I am so thrilled that I got to join in on the lives of seven wonderful people in Pawnee, Indiana. I couldn’t have asked for a better journey. Thank you so much, Amy Poehler, for this wonderful show. I’ve enjoyed the ride. 

anonymous asked:

6 9 16

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.
Every birthday I’ve had in the last four years. Family and friends wanting to celebrate and do something special. It’s all hard to get through when you just don’t see the point and want to die.

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.
Uhm… I’ve got this mole on my left hip that I absolutely love. I call it my sexy mole. Other than that, I like my skin. My legs. My arms (biceps and triceps) lately.

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.
This is a tough one because I don’t really go to parties. Parties with my friends are always great, though. They’re not like those typical wild house parties you hear about all the time. They’re more chill. Some food, either homemade or delivery, drinks, board or card games, movies or youtube, conversations. Sometimes there are dogs.

octaviabiake asked:

When you get this, you must publicly post something nice about at least 5 different people you follow, then copy and paste this in each of their ask boxes :)

ayyy thank you. sorry im suuuuper late.  

ravenraiyes : baeeee.  I’ve known this one for about ~ two years now.  She is hella cool.  Karina is so talented - she’d sporty and musical and an AMAZING friend.  And she’s a fab writer. I frickin love this child.

peggyswife : Maryam UWU. My favorite internet nerd.  We HAVE to meet up bro.  Maryam is SO GAY. (no joke). she makes the best (worst) puns and is a complete sweetheart who enjoys distracting me from my schoolwork. ily <3

aw-blog-no : Haayyyyy.  I just followed you and your blog is perf!!!! And then you followed me back and I was like !!!!!!!! cuz ur so well known! You seem hella sweet and your birthday page is a really cute idea!

xplodingsnaps : heyy we dont talk but tbh im so glad i joined the murdernet and ended up following you!!!  You seem HELLA chill and i love your posts yo.

asgardianarcher : ayyyy i see you reblogging my posts yo.  you’re super cool (i totally hate u bc ur url is fab you jerk) I love when you tag things bc they are HILARIOUS. 

thanatosaria asked:


How long I’ve been in the fandom (if at all): I started the game around the end of June so like 8 months
My favorite male character: Cormag
My favorite female character: UHHHHH. I’ve had a lot of Eirika feels lately so I guess it’s Eirika right now.
1 OTP: Glen/Selena
1 NOTP: Colm/Neimi (it’s really unhealthy and gross? like all Colm does is shit on her. nothing like emotional abuse! also people who make fun of people who cry a lot are the actual worst and a huge reason why I hate myself so…yeah. sorry about the rant…) 
Funniest character: Dozla
Prettiest character: Tethys
Most annoying character: Ephraim tbh…
Most badass character: L’Arachel
Character I want as my best friend: Neimi! but also Tana and L’Arachel and Eirika and Amelia
Female character I’d marry: Tethys
Male character I’d marry: Cormag (lmao height differences…)
Least favorite character: Valter (also Colm…)

anonymous asked:

How was your day today? Hope it was great! what's the best and worst thing that happened? (Spreading some love because u deserve it!)

heY wow this is so sweet thank you?!?!?! yeah sorry im answering this late but thats bc my day yesterday was actually rlly busy and great??? uhhh the best thing was probably my date last night and the worst was maybe accidentally running into a doorframe??? (i do that a lot oh gosh im worryingly clumsy sometimes). tysm though!!!!! how was your day???