late night thoughts

I feel like I’m never truly going to get over you. I feel like I’m never going to get over your smile, the way you laugh, your playful attitude, your confidence and all the other things that made me love you. And it sucks because I wanna be able to look at you, and not have all of these feelings and memories come back and just fill every inch of my body with love and heartbreak.
—  everythingvoid / i don’t want to fall in love again
Dark girl is only dark because she braved the sun while others spent their entire existence hiding from it. Her pigment is a testament to her bravery, her darkness a reminder of her strength. She braved the sun while you ran away. She is extraordinary.
—  “Dark Girls Are Extraordinary”

You. Whoever needs to hear it, know this: you are inspiring to someone, you are the kind smile from a stranger that brightens their day, you are the laughter that makes others happy, you’re the one that struggles and shows people they can make it through. You may not think it, but you make a difference by just being you. Don’t let your fire burn out, don’t let the hardships destroy you. You are stronger than this. There is so much in the world for you to see and there is beauty behind every ugly experience. You just have to believe in yourself and trudge through it. And in a silent moment, when you make it to the good parts of life, someone will notice your strength and it will be just enough to help them too.

I wish I had a life-sized cut-out of you,
so that at 2 am when my anger is consumed
by the fire tucked deep inside of me,
I could take it out on you,
instead of on myself.

But no, disregard that,
I don’t get angry anymore.
I am way past anger.

This is my fury, my rage, my wrath lashing out,
writhing; longing to just wrap itself around your fragile, gaunt body,

Because genuinely,  I never thought that someone who could be so sweet and caring,
could also be so cruel.

But then I perceived,
that the Devil once, was an angel too.

—  darknightwanderings

I am so fucking tired of hanging out with people that judge others. I’m tired of being around people who think they’re better than everyone else. I’m tired of hearing my friends and family talk about people behind their back. Why can’t we just appreciate the fact that all people have different qualities? Why can’t we just support each other and build others up instead of constantly tearing them down for our own selfish reasons?

And last night, I went back to the wishing well from the MET,
where I wished for time to reverse to when things were sane;
back to when I could feel the rough edges of your chewed off fingernails and the curves of your lips;
back to when I received a sunburn every time you smiled and a hurricane every time you cried,
and stole my penny back.
—  darknightwanderings

You know how we teach kids that if a strange man comes up to you, don’t go with them, don’t take their candy? Well shouldn’t we teach kids not to go with a man or a woman instead of just a man? Like kids take every single word seriously and they would actually think oh mommy or daddy didn’t say that I can’t go with a woman and they would feel less threatened. I work with kids so I know they pay extreme attention to sentence detail.

You see, I spend almost every waking minute trying to not care. The goal is to give as few fucks as possible. But the problem is that when I’m successful with this, I can’t remember days, weeks, and even months. I’m numb to the world and in return, I don’t attach feelings to moments and I am incapable of creating memories. It’s like huge portions of my life are missing because I was too afraid to feel. So I’ve come to realize that I care, and whether or not I care too much is irrelevant. So what if I care about someone too strongly, so what if I care about one test grade too much, so what if I care about anything to the point that I cry. At least I can remember what it feels like to experience something greater than myself. I rather be consumed with memories than regret.

And if you rang me at 3am sad and alone
I’d listen until your words filled my bones.
And if you turned up in the middle of the night, unannounced
I’d drop everything to see you.
But if you came to me in the day
I’d probably turn and walk away.
—  In the daytime it’s easy to ignore you and block you out but at night I just can’t shake you out of my mind.

I think we all need to realize that we ought to be more grateful when somebody actually likes us. Even though that person may not be the prettiest or the most handsome person on planet earth, at least he or she saw your worth. So maybe next time, show a little more concern towards how they feel and even if you don’t like them back, treat them well because people like them are the ones who make you feel a little special in this harsh world. :)