kourtneykardashians

Don’t Panic!

Episode 6

On Sunday night’s episode the A-plot was Kris’ birthday party in Vegas; the B-plot was Kim’s desire to solve a theft issue at Dash New York; and the C-plot was Kourtney’s nude photo-shoot. Let’s get to it, dolls!

Scene 1/Cold Open:

K3 and Scott are at Khloe’s house, huddled around the table talking about Bruce’s hair. Kourtney offers up her forthcoming nude photo-shoot as a discussion topic, and Scott offers up his opinion about her “bush.” Kourtney calls the photographer, Brian Bowen Smith, and they discuss options for the shoot. Scott continues to chime in, telling Brian that in addition to his cameras he’s gonna need a weed whacker. Love his humor! Brian assures Kourtney and Scott that he can retouch any unsightly slips. Scott jokes, the girls laugh, we sigh. This was Kim’s “NORTH WEST” ring day, and the first day of filming, letting us know that this was filmed on October 6, 2014.

Scene 2: 

Kris meets Scott at Emilio’s restaurant. Scott organized this meeting hoping to convince Kris to start doing her own club appearances/hosting parties. Initially, Kris doesn’t think it’s appropriate for someone her age to host parties in a club and go “wooo!” Scott disagrees because she’s in the entertainment industry and she’s a celebrity. Fair enough. Kris relents, and eventually agrees to host her birthday party in Vegas at 1 OAK. This was filmed on October 16, 2014.

Scene 4:

At Khloe’s house, Kourtney and Khloe have a meeting with Dash buyer, Roya. After talking about various styles they can add to the store, Roya brings up a theft issues at Dash New York. Kourtney and Khloe are astounded, and decide to have Kim handle it. This was filmed on October 16, 2014.

Khloe learning about the theft.

Kourtney learning about the theft. 

Scene 5:

At Kris Jenner’s house, Khloe takes selfies with Kylie and Jonathan Cheban while Kris tells them about her upcoming birthday party at 1 OAK. Khloe, Kylie, and Jonathan are having trouble wrapping their minds around the idea, and think that she may be a bit too old. This was filmed on October 27, 2014.

Scene 6:

In a bathroom at Kourtney’s house, Kourtney tells Scott that he’s asking a lot of her to shave her “bush” before her nude photo-shoot. Even though the task is daunting, she says she will, if, and only if, he helps her. OFC he agrees, and they get to gettin’. Scott whips out an electric razor, and begins to engage in a nice organic moment with his life partner, Kourtney Kardashian. Funnily enough, Khloe drops in and heads right to the bathroom, walking in on this moment. Scott finalizes Kourtney’s shape up and Kourtney is satisfied with his work. This was filmed on November 17, 2014. Hmmm. Ok.

Scene 7:

Kim takes her little sister Kylie Jenner make-up shopping. Since they are the only two in the store, the sisters feel very comfortable talking freely about familial happenings. Kylie, reaching for her words, tells Kim, “mom has, a um, club appearance or whatever? In Vegas?” They both think it’s weird, and Kim calls it desperate. Thankfully Kylie Instagrammed this night, so we know it was filmed on December 17, 2014, which was #spoileralert over a month after Kris’ birthday appearance. It’s clear their concern runs so deep that they wanted to travel back in time and change the past. Love it!

Scene 9:

It’s finally the day of Kourtney’s nude photo-shoot! Kim and Scott visit the set, and hand out those compliments like they are being paid to do so. Kourtney does look stunning, it’s just a shame she and Scott forgot she already had her shoot when they shaped her up on 11/17/14 in Scene 6, because this was filmed on October 15, 2014. Better late than never, right Kourt?

Scene 10/11:

While at Kris Jenner’s house, Scott is summoned to speak with Kris in her office. She admits she is having second thoughts about the 1 OAK appearance, and Scott tells her it’s too late for those. Scott would be very correct, because this was filmed on November 21, 2014*, a week and a half after the appearance happened. Regardless, Kris still feels it might be silly for her to go “woo!” at a nightclub. She can’t cancel because neither she nor Scott want to look like an asshole this late in the game. Very true, because if you called asking to cancel something that already happened, you would in fact look like an asshole.

*Kris Jenner only had red nails for approximately 3 days in November 2014, and only one of those days was a KUWTK shoot day. She filmed at least 4 scenes that day.

Scene 12:

Kim is in New York having dinner with Jonathan Cheban and the head of his security, Sal. Over the course of their meal, it’s decided that Sal will go undercover in Dash to see how easy it is for a customer to steal from the store. In Detective Kim Kardashian’s criminal justice system, petty theft is considered especially heinous. In SoHo, the dedicated Entertainment Industry Insiders who investigate these vicious misdemeanors are members of an elite squad known as Kim Kardashian and her friends. These are their stories. #DunDun It must have taken Kim months to plan this mission because this was filmed on December 9, 2014 nearly 2 months after K3 learned of the theft.

Scene 14:

After a quick tutorial, Kim and Jonathan are prepared to observe Dash from their tricked out sprinter van. When everyone is mic’d and settled, Sal goes in. He successfully steals merchandise, and returns to the van. Who knew stealing was so easy and fun!? Who wants to go to SoHo tonight and see what we can lift from Dash?? This was filmed on December 10, 2014.

Scene 16:

At long last, Kris is in Vegas and getting ready for her birthday appearance. None of Kris’ actual kids could make it, but Everybody’s Favorite Best Friend, Malika, had some availability and showed up. Of course Scott is nowhere to be seen, and Kris is feeling angry, alone, and confused (we think, we don’t know really). This was filmed on November 7, 2014.

Scene 18:

Kim confronts the Dash Dolls in a rare guerrilla style KUWTK moment, because none of the Dash employees were camera ready. The New York Dolls agree to work on the theft issue, and all is well. Kim’s plan really saved the day…This was filmed on December 10, 2014.

I thought about doing a side-by-side of the NY/LA Dolls…but #MyMommaTaughtMeBetterThanThat.

Scene 19/21:

Prior to her party, Kris has dinner with her Krew. Scott finally arrives, and Kris gives him the what-for while he facetimes French Manicure. He starts displaying supremely messy behavior; yelling at waiters, talking in weird voices, and acting like an overall fool. As viewers we were nervous, because Scott’s in that sweet spot of White Male Drunkenness, where he knows just the right amount of black people and his inhibitions are low enough that he might slip up and say the n-word on national TV. Thankfully he didn’t (on camera -_-), but he is still a mess. This was filmed on November 7, 2014.

Scene 22/23:

Kris and her Krew finally make it to the party, and Scott continues to act a Grade A Fool. After a crazy montage of disjointed images, we have an extremely accurate depiction of what life looks like through Scott’s drunken eyes. Filled with that top shelf drank, Scott sprays champagne over the crowd and hits Kris in the head. This is her breaking point. Drunk herself, and already feeling out of place, she hangs her head and chastises Scott. Poor, Kristen Jenner (née Houghton, formerly Kardashian). This was filmed on November 7, 2014.

Scene 24:

Finally back at home (Kris Jenner’s House), Kris dissects Vegas with Kourtney and Khloe. Both her eldest and youngest Kardashian daughters agree that Scott’s drinking has gotten out of hand. The whole Vegas ordeal must have struck Kris to her core, because she wasn’t able to talk about it until 10 days later, as this was filmed on November 17, 2014.

I know you hate to see me go, but I hope you love to watch me leave! Tell a friend to come on in next week for another KUWScott’s Sobriety re-cap on KUWTKE!  #AllDay

On The Road

Episode 5 

On Sunday night’s episode, the A-plot was Khloe’s relationship with French Montana and how it affected her friendship with Malika; the B-plot was Kris Jenner’s relationship with Kylie and how that affected my sanity; and the C-plot was Kim’s foray into the wonderful world of tech. #ComeOnIn


Scene 2: 

Kris, Khloe and Scott all meet up for some righteous go-karting. Before shedding her shades, Kris, who lives with Kylie, asks where Kylie is. Khloe explains that Kylie has gone on strike, because she is upset with Kris. Kris (59) thinks Kylie (17) is punishing her, and we think Kris needs to have a talk with our moms about how it’s impossible for a minor to “punish” their mother if the right parenting tools are being used. This was filmed on December 17, 2014.

Scene 3: 

Kylie visits Bruce at his house in Malibu. Bruce inquires about Kris, and Kylie can’t tell him anything because she hasn’t spoken to her mother in weeks. Kylie also says that she was supposed to go go-karting with the Scene 2 crew, but chose to come over to Bruce’s instead. Bruce lends his support, but admits that he would have chosen go-karting if given the option. I hope a producer told Bruce and Kylie it’s not too late to go go-karting because this was filmed on December 3, 2014, 13 days before the go-karting even happened.

Scene 4: 

At Khloe’s house, Everybody’s Favorite Best Friend, Malika, comes over after dropping French Montana’s belongings off at his house. Post break-up, Khloe is “fine”, but couldn’t handle the exchange of goods herself. Malika is very open and very clear about not wanting to be involved in this drama, but Khloe doesn’t seem to care. Malika is still excited that both she and Khloe are single, so she suggests they go on a trip together. This was filmed on October 16, 2014. Khloe and French did actually split up a few weeks prior, so this makes sense. 

Scene 5: 

At Kris Jenner’s house, K3 eat salads and discuss an upcoming tech conference that Kim will attend in San Francisco. While looking up the details of the event, Kim comes across a comment from the Interviewer, who asks herself and readers if she has “jumped the shark” by agreeing to interview Kim Kardashian West. K3 are flabbergasted at the Interviewer’s choice of words, and inquire as to why one would even be on a shark, let alone jump off the shark they were on. They agree that she must have meant jump the ship, because that is the most logical thing. Huh, hmmm, why, and how, Jesus? In the end, Kim says she wants to prove the haters wrong and against the advice of her mother and detractors, she won’t back out because that’s not her style. This was filmed on October 7, 2014.

Scene 7/Scene 8:

With her Krew in tow, Khloe lives that life I have yet to know, and boards a private jet to Vegas. Aboard Air Force Khlo$, Khloe lays out the plans for the night, which involve a late dinner and a party she’s hosting. Khloe sneaks in that “French Manicure” (née Montana) will also be in Vegas and that he invited Khloe to a party in a strip club later on in the evening. Malika is not feeling it at all. 

The Krew de-planes and heads to their hotel. Malika and her twin sister, Khadijah, break down the French Manicure and Khloe situation. Khloe joins the conversation, and over the course of the scene both Khadijah and Khloe ask Malika if French’s presence will actually ruin her night. Malika refuses to give French that power, and Khloe basically tells her sis from another miss to chill, because #DontStartNoneWontBeNone. This is one heck of a way to kick off the new year, since this was filmed on December 31, 2014.

Scene 10:

While at Dinner in Vegas, Khloe and her Krew spot French Manicure. First his brother, then his friend, then the man himself come over to say hello to Khloe. French asks for some time alone with Everybody’s Favorite Best Friend, Malika, and he essentially tells her to stand down so he can get his. This was also filmed on December 31, 2014.

Scene 12: 

At Kris Jenner’s house, Kris, acknowledging the rift between herself and her youngest child, forces a reluctant Kylie into going on a road trip the following day. Kylie really isn’t having much of it, but Kris lays down that Mom Law, and tells Kylie that she doesn’t have a choice. Kris and her daughter are slated to leave for their trip the following day. Now, I’m not saying she should or shouldn’t be, but as evidenced by Kylie’s behavior for most of this episode, it’s clear that she’s never been popped upside the head by an adult in her life.* This was filmed on January 5, 2014.

*KUWTKE does not condone violence, just the idea of it.

Scene 13: 

In San Francisco, Kim hits the stage of the tech conference. The Interviewer who may or may not have jumped the shark/ship, asks the hard-hitting questions. Thanks to this, I know that Twitter is a focus group, and I can ask people questions at all times online. Thank you, Sister Kim!! Overall, Kim does well, and books it out of there before she makes the rest of us feel bad about our lack of technological prowess! This was filmed on October 27, 2014.

Scene 15: 

Everybody’s Favorite Best Friend, Malika, and Khloe are at Khloe’s house preparing to depart on a road trip to rekindle that friendship flame. Khloe flashes back to December 16, 2014 when she rented a pink Thunderbird for the trip, because Vegas (12/31/14) didn’t go so well. Khloe seems to be a very negative forward thinker, because this road trip was filmed on December 4, 2014.

Scene 16/Scene 17:

Kris and Kylie are on the road to La Jolla. Kris brings up some work opportunities for Kylie, including a Pretty Little Liars cameo (Imma need some Kylie Jenner/A theories ASAP, Internet), and Kylie complains that she’s going to be in San Diego alone, even though she’s currently with Kris.

At the hotel, Kylie lets Kris know that she will require her own room and overall, “can’t do it” with her mom and this trip. Mother Kris Jenner is understandably upset. We’re no experts, but Kris’ best bet is shape-shifting into Norm if she wants to get some more attention/love from her child. True to Kris’ original plan, this was filmed on January 6, 2014.

Scene 21/Scene 22: 

Khloe and Everybody’s Favorite Best Friend, Malika, amp up the fun on their road trip and indulge in a wine tasting. Malika mentions not knowing how to navigate an awkward patch with Khloe, and how she feels French Manicure came between the two of them. After Malika expresses her lack of interest in interacting with French, Khloe turns the mirror on Malika. Khloe tells Malika that there are people in her life whom she doesn’t care to interact with either, but she keeps her mouth shut. Welp. Khloe does put a certain someone named “Caitlin” out on front street, and all we wanna know is #WhatDidCaitlinDo. Khloe basically tells Malika that she has to make her own mistakes and walk her own journey. This was filmed on December 4, 2014.

Scene 24:

Before heading home, Khloe and Everybody’s Favorite Best Friend, Malika, take a hike to look at some hot springs. For some reason they decide to go in on Kourtney while they hike, mocking her voice, personality, and limitations due to pregnancy. It’s all hah-hah funny until they reach the hot springs which are budget and rancid AF. Despite this, Khloe and Malika make up and pre-emptively solve the problems they had in Vegas on 12/31/14 because this was filmed on December 5, 2014

Scene 25: 

Kris and Kylie are on the final leg of their road trip, so the two go to an amusement park that Kris used to go to as a child. They ride an empty roller coaster, eat cotton candy, and all together tighten that mother daughter bond. So sweet and natural. This was filmed on January 7, 2014.

Well, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! Check up on your girl next week for another KUWKhloe recap on KUWTKE! #DontPanic

#ByeFelicia 👋 @kimkardashian @kourtneykardash @khloekardashian @krisjenner @kendalljenner @kyliejenner #KimKardashian #Kimye #NorthWest #Nori #KhloeKardashian #Beauty #MakeUp #KourtneyKardashian #Style #KrisJenner #KendallJenner #KylieJenner #Live #Laugh #Kardashia 👋 #KUWTK #Slay #Armenia #ArmenianQueens✌️#QueenStatus 👑