keenyah

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Yesterday, I was going to suggest that we all tweet at Keenyah to tell her that Nelson Mandela is actually dead now, but then I decided it might be too tacky… Bless these hilarious other tweeters who went ahead with it anyway! 

Remember in Cycle 4 when the girls traveled to South Africa and Keenyah wasn’t even sure whether Mandela was still alive… but she threw a bitch fit anyway when Naima got to hold the key to Mandela’s jail cell instead of her? Keenyah’s argument was essentially “I’m blacker than Naima!” but the joke was ultimately on Keenyah when the show kept pointing out that Keenyah was fatter than Naima, too.  

Video:

An even more interesting Tweet is this one by Naima herself. Apparently she and Keenyah and Brittany were all hanging out the day Mandela died. That’s either a major coincidence or that ANTM voodoo magic is more powerful than we thought. 

(No disrespect meant to Nelson Mandela, by the way. He’s even more awesome than most Americans will realize.) 

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70. Tiffany Vomits (Cycle 4 ep. 4)

When you think of problem drinking in Cycle 4, you probably think of partying Brittany’s boozy ways. Yeah, she’s wild, but I’ll take the subtle alcoholism of Tiffany over Brittany’s over-the-top nature any day. Tiffany may have completed anger management, but she should have also enrolled in rehab.

At least that’s what we discover when the girls are treated to a night out at a fancy restaurant, Pacific Dining Car. (It has a $$$$ Yelp rating, so it must be legit fancy.) It’s fair to say that Tiffany, whose grandmother let her electricity go out to buy her bathing suits for her audition, isn’t used to the finer things in life. Consequently, these situations stress out Tiffany.

At the start of dinner, Tiffany tells everyone that she doesn’t drink anymore because it causes her to “act like a fool”, but when Rebecca orders a glass of Chardonnay, Tiffany copies her order. Rather than sipping her wine, Tiffany guzzles it. I get where she’s coming from, though. Not drinking and not drinking on someone else’s tab are two different things.

In no time, Tiffany becomes an emotional drunk, telling the other girls how much they’ve touched her life. “Even you!” she tells Michelle, which is pretty generous in my opinion. From there, Tiffany starts speaking gibberish and laughing, before mysteriously going quiet. As Keenyah explains, Tiffany is a talkative person, so when you don’t hear her for a while, you know something’s up.

Or coming up, as the case may be. After four glasses of wine, Tiffany vomits on herself right there at the dinner table and stinks the restaurant up. Classy times for a classy establishment.

My favorite part is Michelle’s explanation: “If she had not drunk that much alcohol, the food would have stayed down.” Does the show include this clarification so we don’t attribute the puking to bulimia? Or maybe the poor quality of Pacific Dining Car’s food? Hmmm, maybe I should add that review to the restaurant’s $$$$ Yelp page. “Food would have stayed down had we not drank so much.” 

ANTM Cycle 4 - The Deadly Sins Shoot

My favourite shoot of Cycle 4 of America’s Next Top Model was the Deadly Sins Shoot, in which the girls had to pose inside a six foot grave, whilst portraying the 7 deadly sins. 

Naima:

Naima portrayed Envy in the shoot. Her face evokes feelings of longing and jealousy. Her eyes connect well with the camera and they almost have a look of desperation. I really like her body positioning, but I feel the hand covering her breasts could be more delicate, or to the other extreme of twisted and contorted. Also, i feel the composition of the shot could have been improved by the sheet crossing her body more, not necessarily covering her, but filling the frame more. 

Kahlen:

Kahlen portrayed Wrath. Sadly, Kahlen found out a few days before this shoot that her friend from school had unfortunately passed away. However, her sadness helped to produce a powerful photograph, as she pulled all of her emotions into a dominating, angry expression. Her contorted hands show how the anger has spread through her entire body, making the emotions more believable. I highly commend her for going through with the shoot at such a terrible time for her.

Brittany:

Brittany portrayed Sloth. I love the wardrobe for her shoot, the socks and arm warmers with the glamourous dress and tights. I feel that it would have been a better shot is she relaxed her body more. She hasn’t really evoked sloth or laziness, however, I feel it was a hard sin to portray. 

Tatiana:

Tatiana was portraying Greed. This photograph wasn’t well received by the judges but I actually love the way that her face is showing how she adores the money. However, i feel the shot would have been more passionate if she had sort of rubbed the money across her body. 

Michelle:

Michelle portrayed pride. I feel that Michelle has tried to hard and overdone it in this photograph. The facial expression is more actressy, rather than modely. Also, she has lost her neck, which has decreased the length of the shot. I feel the picture would have been better if she had a more superior look.

Christina:

Christina portrayed Lust. I absolutely love this photograph of Christina! Her facial expression is evoking pure sex and passion. I feel she could have touched her body more and maybe bitten her lips or something. But I wouldn’t want her to become too slutty. 

Keenyah:

Keenyah portrayed Gluttony. I don’t like this photograph, but I may be biased as I don’t like Keenyah at all. She could have pushed a lot more with this photograph, by holding the food, rubbing on herself, immersing herself in the feelings of gluttony.  

92. Keenyah Gets Fat (Cycle 4)

The Top Model house is undoubtedly stressful, so it’s no surprise when a girl turns to eating to cope. Such is the case with Keenyah, and as a consequence, she gains 12 pounds during the competition. 

Obviously, that’s a no-no for models, and the judging panel lectures her for it with Tyra gives an impassioned speech about nutrition and the modeling world. The only bearable part is when Janice interrupts to point out Tyra’s own nutritional woes. “I saw you eating those burgers… she eats those ribs!” Kiss her fat ass, Janice! (Just kidding, love you.)  

So what’s funny about Keenyah putting on some pounds? Don’t worry, I’m not here to make a series of fat jokes at Keenyah’s expense. Why would I have to, when ANTM does that for me? Let’s look at the three photo shoots Keenyah participates in after gaining weight:

1. Seven Deadly Sins - Each girl is one of the seven deadly sins; Keenyah feasts in a coffin as gluttony.

2. Animal Safari - Each girl is assigned an animal to portray,; Keenyah is stuck being the elephant.

3. Nature Shoot - Each model had to use objects from nature to dress themselves; Keenyah must use sticks to cover her belly region.

Despite her girth (which is not anywhere near as bad as the show will have you believe), Keenyah still makes her way to the final episode. And when Tyra recaps who the final three contestants are, she says nice things about Kahlen and Naima, but then throws in some extra puns when describing Keenyah: “Keenyah was confident and hungry for success… Will Keenyah’s appetite for victory convince the judges that she can look the part of a top model?” Really, Tyra? Why not just call her fatty-fatty-fatty?