Whir. Whir. Whir. Yep that’s the washing machine.
Feels like theres something chaotic in my heart that’s pushing me more fervently than it has before. Probably because it knows that the more I turn back, the more risky it is for me. It took for a long while to establish that chaoticness, and then another while to seek reason from it. Now I’ve gone and turned back.
Following a cycle, I can ignore the process above and make a spin and dwelve right under, pretending to be blissfully ignorant, all the same. Or I can recognize what I am doing and force myself to close off and create the alternatives for myself that I’ve always wanted to find.
There are too many affairs of which I can think of, that I’ve left undone. Keeping to any of them suddenly brings about a hasty cloud of denials up and flowing.
I think it’s safer for me to just keep on believing in myself. I want to believe in my ability to create an environment for myself and take myself out of my grim. I know that a healthy amount of eating, jumping around, and silence would ultimately be the jumpstart to my productivity. May my empty brain be slowly filled.