Whir. Whir. Whir. Yep that’s the washing machine. 

Feels like theres something chaotic in my heart that’s pushing me more fervently than it has before. Probably because it knows that the more I turn back, the more risky it is for me. It took for a long while to establish that chaoticness, and then another while to seek reason from it. Now I’ve gone and turned back.

Following a cycle, I can ignore the process above and make a spin and dwelve right under, pretending to be blissfully ignorant, all the same. Or I can recognize what I am doing and force myself to close off and create the alternatives for myself that I’ve always wanted to find. 

There are too many affairs of which I can think of, that I’ve left undone. Keeping to any of them suddenly brings about a hasty cloud of denials up and flowing.

I think it’s safer for me to just keep on believing in myself. I want to believe in my ability to create an environment for myself and take myself out of my grim. I  know that a healthy amount of eating, jumping around, and silence would ultimately be the jumpstart to my productivity. May my empty brain be slowly filled.

It’s almost four in the morning and I promised myself I was be in bed by twelve am, so I’m off to bed! I’ll try to get the two opinions in my inbox done before I leave tomorrow afternoon. If you need anything feel free to message me, goodnight/morning/evening/afternoon!