jrambles

Whir. Whir. Whir. Yep that’s the washing machine. 

Feels like theres something chaotic in my heart that’s pushing me more fervently than it has before. Probably because it knows that the more I turn back, the more risky it is for me. It took for a long while to establish that chaoticness, and then another while to seek reason from it. Now I’ve gone and turned back.

Following a cycle, I can ignore the process above and make a spin and dwelve right under, pretending to be blissfully ignorant, all the same. Or I can recognize what I am doing and force myself to close off and create the alternatives for myself that I’ve always wanted to find. 

There are too many affairs of which I can think of, that I’ve left undone. Keeping to any of them suddenly brings about a hasty cloud of denials up and flowing.

I think it’s safer for me to just keep on believing in myself. I want to believe in my ability to create an environment for myself and take myself out of my grim. I  know that a healthy amount of eating, jumping around, and silence would ultimately be the jumpstart to my productivity. May my empty brain be slowly filled.

It’s almost four in the morning and I promised myself I was be in bed by twelve am, so I’m off to bed! I’ll try to get the two opinions in my inbox done before I leave tomorrow afternoon. If you need anything feel free to message me, goodnight/morning/evening/afternoon!