might be a waste of your time. js

We had a fire drill and had to stand out there in the fffreezing cold today without our coats or jackets. Turned out there was a real problem in progress so we were out there for a while. It was actually kind of a fun experience for me at the same time though. I like it when things go wrong.


The atmosphere inside was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and the scale and composition of the space is overwhelming. Once inside I didn’t want to leave. Garan was practically deserted and for some time I was the only person inside the pagoda, there was no one even collecting the entrance donations. It was so silent. Incense. 

At some point a couple entered and the lady sat down on the bench next to me. They left after 5-10 minutes. I spent well over 30 minutes inside.

Konpon Daito

dusk over my last night in kyoto.

the past few years have been difficult. they’ve been difficult financially and personally i’ve struggled with isolation anxiety perfectionism and self harm. i’ve been worked and worked to the point of exhaustion, in the true meaning of the word, for what seemed like a thankless payoff. more a slap across the face, than a pat on the back. now i realise that is not so.

i realise now i have things to look forward to. i can see things now, i can plan them, i can work towards them. i’m no longer forced to live on such a day-by-day basis. my head is a bit clearer. i feel a bit more full. a little less empty.

i’m hopeful. :)

Well ive been in japan a grand total of 10 hours and Im fucken exhausted not feeling it right now. In the space of 2 hours while I walked around tennoji garden park zoo and shinsekai 3 different men approached me. Two for fuck knows what, and the third actually tried to get me to take his hand and get into his car with him. And the staring. Fuck. I mean I expected all this but not at such an intensity? The language barrier is intimidating enough so its just…yeah. The fact that I haven’t slept in like 38 hous isnt helping either. Arg. Looking forward to tomorrow. Byebye.