the first time you saw the name of a dead girl
with my face on her passport
you only said, 
"Your last name is Whalen?"
"Was," I said, and left it at that
so you could ask about her first name
but instead we talked about the poems on my wall
and I loved you for that.

when I brought it up later—
"When were you going to ask about my name?"
You sat tranquil, a god of seas and summits
with a knack for always having the right answer—
"Do you want me to?"

I told you the story of what I was. You listened. 
I carved my chest open to show my history
You watched, somber.

Later, when we peeled off our layers,
you kissed mine one by one like pages of a love letter

Yesterday, I told you my mom misspelled my name
on a package she sent me (the first I’d seen in six months).
After speculating on her mental state, you said,
"I’ve always loved the name ‘Hannah’"

—The Dead Girl’s Name /.w.m.w.

You performed the prestige with a flourish, whipping the wool off my eyes to show me the exit sign
a glimmering beacon in the back of the theater
pleading with me like Gatsby’s green light

Oh, it would have been so much easier to walk away

No worrying about the cards in your sleeve
or the knives in your belt
the saw in the corner
and whether there were bloodied, pulpy doves in deathtrap cages 
hidden in secret drawers in the table 

I wouldn’t need to concern myself with how long
I could hold my breath
while fighting my way out of your trick knots

You’re a much better Houdini than me, anyway
cramped spaces and blackness don’t bother you
you’ve never been quite as thirsty for air as I have

Oh, it would have been so easy to run

But I looked down and saw you had kicked the chair out from under me
and there was nothing under my feet but air 

—God is in the audience and if he wants a show, let’s give him one. /.w.m.w.


Okay as promised here’s my bullet journal! I just started at the end of October and I’m forcing myself to stick with this one through the end of the semester, but everything is still pretty experimental. So far I really like it though!

I keep a monthly calendar at the beginning of the month to refer to big important date (second picture), and I’m trying out this weekly overview too (third picture) to keep track of meetings and stuff. At the bottom of each daily column I’ve got what’s due for class that day (readings and stuff), and then under that there’s my division of reading. I try to check out my readings a week in advance and divide them so I can read x many pages a day and not worry about work piling up. I write down that “core work” so I can refer to what I really need to get done when I write my daily to do lists….which brings me to the daily spreads! The square check box are the “to dos”, the open circles are for events/appointments/meetings (and I take notes underneath or off to the side if it’s a short meeting, or else I use the next available page). The dots are for observations, thoughts, or good things that happened that I want to keep track of. I highlight stuff that I might need to remember or refer back to!

Hope that all makes sense! I’ll do an update and the beginning of next semester when everything’s worked out and looks pretty. Let me know if you have any questions~