“I originally studied to become a flight attendant and searched along with some other people for the job. That time was really great. My life had a particular goal. However, when I went to final interviews for a flight attendant position, I always saw the phrase ‘sorry’ on the last door. It was draining. However, while I was preparing to be a flight attendant I became really interested in makeup and skincare. Now I work as a manager for a makeup brand. The work I’m doing now is a lot of fun. I miss the days of preparing to be a flight attendant. But, the future? First I need to go forward, but I often don’t know where I’m heading.”

“원래 승무원이 되려고 공부도 했고, 다른 사람들하고 같이 취업 준비 했는데 그 때 참 좋았어요. 목표가 확실한 삶이었거든요. 하지만 승무원 채용 최종 인터뷰는 꽤 갔는데, 항상 마지막 문턱에서 ‘죄송합니다’ 문구를 봤어요. 힘이 확 빠졌죠. 근데 제가 승무원 준비하면서 화장품이나 피부관리 제품에 관심이 많아졌어요. 그러다가 지금은 아예 화장품 브랜드 매장의 관리직으로 일하는데 지금 하는 일도 너무 재밌어요. 승무원 준비 시절이 그립긴 하지만요. 미래요? 일단은 나아가지만 저도 어디로 가는 지 모를 때가 있어요” 

PLEASE READ I am a presenter for Younique and I am looking for 3 people to join my team. Pur products are gluten-free, vegan friendly, and are never tested on animals! We have a variety of products and have a 14 day love it guarantee where you can send back your product if you don’t like it and you will get a full refund. If you are 18+ and you spend time on the Internet, take selfies, and like makeup PLEASE TALK TO ME!!!

Impostor Syndrome

I’m scared of everything and nothing. Scared of everything because I am by nature anxious and fearful. But I’m scared of nothing because I’ve also become phenomenal at controlling my anxieties and bullying myself into conquering my fears. In other words, I fake it till I make it, and it usually works. Most people would never know how nervous I am…

Despite that, two of my longest standing fears have consistently been: failing, and suffering from “impostor syndrome.” Impostor syndrome is simply the inability to internalize accomplishments. It is the belief that successes are due to luck, timing, and/or the result of deceiving others into believing that one is more competent and intelligent than one really is.

As most fears, these have usually been unfounded. I have never failed and my academic track record has been flawless. Once I made a conscious decision to apply myself in middle school, I flourished. I was in honors courses and made straight As from 6th grade until my second year of graduate school. I won awards for high GPAs, being a scholar athlete, and graduated at the very top of my class in high school. Armed with the highest college course credit of my high school class, I started college as a sophomore. I completed all my coursework in 3 years and graduated at the age of 20 in the top 1% of my college and with the highest honor, summa cum laude. I then immediately began my doctoral program. At 23, I was the youngest person to pass our program’s comprehensive exams, and the youngest to graduate 2 years later with a 3.8 GPA.

Despite that, and always being career-driven, I have suffered from impostor syndrome for years. It started in grad school. I was no longer the smartest one, and thought that maybe my getting accepted into graduate school was a technicality; that I so happened to perform well on my exams and assignments, and faked my way through the proposal and defense of my dissertation. Eventually, though, someone was going to figure out that I was a phony (cue Family Guy— anyone?). I feared that with the same wrath that arachnophobiacs fear spiders.

I was also deeply afraid of failure (and relatedly, rejection). I worked very hard at crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s so that I would be “marketable,” “prepared,” and protected from failure. I did well in school, I was involved in extracurricular activities, I did several internships, I taught, I did research… I was ready for the work world, and prepared for success. In the words of Drake, “I just wanna be successful…”

Well. Then last year happened. I got laid off in March 2014. I thought for sure it would take only a few months to become reemployed and I was ready to take over Silicon Valley. After all, I had a PhD, and a little bit of experience. Ha. Silicon Valley had other plans for me…

I didn’t get my first interview until a full four months after my layoff and my job search began, and that was only through a referral. It was a position at Facebook, and I wanteddd that job with everything in me— well, I wanted the company. The role was not a great fit but at the time I didn’t care about fit. I wanted *a* job, not necessarily *the* job. 

I went through 3 rounds of interviews but ultimately was rejected. I was devastated. At that point, with no other leads, I started applying outside of California. The job search is a numbers game sometimes, and eventually the interviews started picking up, but they came in slow. I soon established a pattern: every subsequent company I interviewed with became “the one”: I would picture myself already having the position, moving, and living in whatever location. So when the rejections came, they hurt to the center of my core because I had already created a vision for that life. I internalized each rejection, with each one leaving me more and more numb, paranoid, and certain that I was indeed a fraud and that finally, I had been found out. I was not really that smart, or competent; I was a phony with a PhD.

Eventually, it stopped stinging as much. It become a game and an expectation to either never hear back or to get a canned rejection. After I applied or interviewed, I forced myself to forget so I wouldn’t get my feelings hurt. I was actually pleased when I received personal rejections; at least they bothered to let me know. But as much as I tried to forget, I was continually dejected and resigned. Months dragged on, and my routine became to search and apply, search and apply. My mood for the week was contingent on what was in my inbox when I first woke up Monday mornings. Every day I would wake up with the agonizing feeling of today not being the day, and dragging my feet to search for yet another job posting and submit yet another application.

I had dozens of interviews, sometimes I rocked, sometimes I didn’t; regardless, I was not getting any job offers. I stumbled over my words, paused for too long, talked too much, or not enough. I couldn’t get it right, it seemed, but still I learned and took notes on typical questions, format, and the best answers to craft. Fueled by my feelings of inadequacy (so many rejections, it must be me?), I finally decided to organize my lessons and developed a methodical game plan for use before each interview. I came to realize that employers aren’t personally judging you or your character; they’re judging the skills and abilities that you’re bringing to the table. So I had to up my game. 

My new pattern began. Before each interview, I compiled a “performance profile,” a document containing the job posting details, a list of the skills, abilities, and experiences the position required, background on the company, the interviewers, and current projects, and canned responses for my interest in the position and company. I had memorized an elevator schpiel of my career progression and future goals and how whatever position fit in. I reviewed notes and books to refresh upon any dusty concepts pertaining to the position, especially technical aspects.  Slowly, I started to fill the gaps and becoming more confident with my interviews. As my confidence grew, my sensitivity shrunk. Now, when things don’t work out, I don’t take it personally anymore, and instead chuck it to the game. 

But the job search can be cruel and unforgiving. The table below is a compilation of all the applications and interviews that I’ve had from June 2014-February 2015. Like the table below shows, I have applied to 172 positions (my goal is to not reach 200). So far I have received 104 non responses (and counting), 26 automated rejections, 2 notices of positions being cancelled, and 32 personal rejections. I’ve interviewed at 26 companies, of which 6 included onsite interviews with 42 individuals and for a total of 34.5 hours (I keep a spreadsheet with all this info).

So that fear of being rejected and failing? I have failed— at getting a callback, getting a job within my time frame, getting THE job— so many times in the last year that it’s so whatever now. I definitely didn’t anticipate being unemployed for more than a few months, but here I am, nearly one year later, not in despair but instead hopeful about finding “the one” perfect job, where I love the work, the people, and the location. I want it all.  Now I’m at the point where I’ve actually turned down a few offers because they weren’t a good fit. I despised my previous job and now I refuse to settle. If it takes another month or two (or three or four) to get that perfect job, I’ll survive. I have survived thus far…

And my impostor syndrome? Let’s just say I am much more comfortable in my own skin, and in the fact that while I possess valuable knowledge, there is still so much more to learn. No one knows everything, and no one has everything figured out. In fact, the older I get, the more I realize that people are pretending until they figure it out.

2014 was difficult. I fell and failed 7,000 times. I didn’t want to get up most times, but I’ve gotten up 7,001 times. I’m here, kicking and screaming until I die. Take that, life. I will win even when I lose. And that to me is the ultimate life lesson: never lose hope, never give up. 

Thanks for reading.

What you see above is a list.  This is a list of the 15 different places where I have applied for employment within the past two weeks.  I’ve been a busy boy!  Hopefully, one of these 15 places will call me and let me work for them and let me earn their monies.  Most are restaurants where I would hopefully be able to make tips.

I already have a job working at Spin Street.  It’s a branch of F.Y.E. in Mohegan Sun.  It’s okay… but I need to make more money and I need more hours.  I’m currently living in an apartment where I’m yet to be able to help out with the rent.  I simply don’t make enough to contribute without going broke.

It’s been pretty stressful filling out job applications like it’s my second job.  It’s that kind of “paperwork” that just gets to you after awhile.  I literally still have a pile of other job apps I’ve collected that I still aim to fill out.  And now that we finally have internet in our apartment, I can start filling out apps online from all the places I visited that told me, “Sorry, you have to apply online.”

If I don’t get at least one interview out of all this, I give up.

My Weekly Battle...

Each week I go through the same thought processes over and over again and nothing ever changes.
I feel as though I am stuck in a revolving door, going through the same shit week after week with no destination and no end in sight.

I wonder when I am finally going to get the job that I want. Two years out of my Degree and two extra courses later I am still no closer to being a desirable candidate…

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hey guys I lost my job recently and I’m getting rid of some stuff, lemme know if you want more pictures. it would really help

Anvil forge II guitar case (full size)(left) - $100
All black case (full)(right) - $40
Sterling condenser mic - $60
Boom mic stand, pop filter, shock mount - $25

all prices negotiable and my lovely bong (green/worked Wicked Sands piece) is for sale for $150 also 😁 #forsale #anythinghelps #jobsearching


Today must be Flashback FeelsDay
#FlashBackFeels #Trip3ComingSoon 💁 #LookingForASchoolToGoTo. #JobSearching💁 #Japan #japangram #Yawata #Kyoto 💁💁💁 (at 麺屋 たけ井)