"I want you all to look at me. Because what I’m about to say is important. I’ve been thinking about this a lot; a lot lately. And I want you all to know this. This goes out to everybody. You’re not stupid. Okay? You’re not stupid. Don’t ever tell yourself that you are. You’re important. What you have in your head may not mean a lot to a lot of people, but its what makes you special. You are important. You mean something. And you’re going to go out there, and you’re gonna to do some wonderful things. But, first and foremost, you’re not stupid. You’re not an idiot. Don’t ever tell yourself that you are. And, if nobody else ever tells you this, I will tell you this; I care about you." - Justin Carmical aka JewWario or JDub "You Can Stream This" 3/8/13
— 

The death of someone is never an easy task to come to terms with. There’s another hole in my heart tonight that will be damned near impossible to fill. Although I only interacted with Justin “Jew Wario” Carmical just a few short times, I’ll always cherish them.

I remember the first time I actually got to talk to him. It was one of Dodger’s late night games of Cards Against Humanity and somehow she had ended up getting Justin and Derek the Bard in the call. That call and game spawned a very funny and very inappropriate inside joke to the ones in the call, one that we still constantly talk about.

This past Magfest, I almost didn’t go for many reasons, the main one being my dad’s passing away. I didn’t think my state of mind would be very well. But, I’m glad I ended up going, because I made some very cherished memories there.

The first actual meeting of Justin was when a group of us were going to go to a Wawa convenience store. Justin and ChaosD1 were the only two guys in this giant flock of girls raiding this poor store. Justin looked like he was a kid in a candy store. The look of amazement on his face with everything, including the soda fountain with its flavored syrups was priceless. He made the most ridiculous selfie and posted it on Twitter on the way back.

A while later, after everyone had settled down, Justin came down with Rap Critic and Nash to the room I was staying in and until 1am, there was this huge group just talking and listening to music and just hanging out.

Late on Friday night was the Pub Quiz Justin was co-hosting with Dodger. I was so glad that I was asked to help out and my god, that man sure knew how to hold a pub quiz!

My last encounter with Justin was on Saturday. He was set up in the Dealer’s Room at the Retroware table and I got my To Boldly Flee DVD signed by him and bought some buttons off of him plus gave him one of the buttons I had painted for everyone. He thanked me for all my work at the Pub Quiz and I told him I was happy to do it and that if it happened next Magfest, I would be happy to help out again.

I then asked for a hug but he couldn’t get out from the table because the rest of the guys wouldn’t move. I told him that I would catch him later for one since there was still plenty of Mag left and he just gave me this glare, sternly said NO and crawled under the table to give me one. Still to this day, I can’t believe he did that, but knowing the kind of person he was, he wouldn’t let you leave his sight without giving you a hug. 

I know I wasn’t near as close to Justin as a lot of my internet friends are, but just those bits of kindness and company I had with him mean the world to me. He was one of the kindest and nicest people I’ve ever met and it’s so wonderful to see the impact that he left on this world. 

Rest in Peace Justin. 

Jehovah thinks your priceless.

$20 Bill (You are Priceless in Jehovah’s Eyes):

The speaker held up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, ‘Who would like this $20 bill?’

Hands started going up. He said, ‘I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, ‘Who still wants it?

Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, ‘What if I do this?’

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

‘Now, who still wants it?’

Still the hands went into the air.

He said: ‘My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value in the eyes of Jehovah. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to Jehovah who loves you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE.

You are Special.

Don’t EVER forget it.’

Close

In honor of JDub’s birthday today, I would just like to remind the world that this happened to me…

Proverbs 24:16: “The righteous one may fall even seven times, and he will certainly get up; but the wicked ones will be made to stumble by calamity.”

I always have to keep this scripture in mind, because i mess up and even though I am a dedicated witness i still mess up and this scripture just help me realize that i will fall but i have to continue getting up. Keep serving Jehovah. And i will. You will always have problems baptized or not. Problems you may have do not miraculously go away and they wont until this system ends. Satan will try to make us fall off and stop serving Jehovah but we have to keep going. Jehovah will give u the strength to keep going but we also have to work in harmony with our prayers and what we may ask for. But i love this scripture. Just get back on that road narrow road and keep going.

Thank you, subconscious

I’m about half awake right now, but I feel the need to share this before I went back to sleep

I tend to have my share of dreams that involve the people of TGWTG and or other popular Internet personalities, most of them are goofy and silly, occasionally I’ll have one that gets me mad because it makes me feel like some sort of creepy stalker-ish fan girl, but the one I just quite literally woke up from is by far THE most poignant I have ever had.

First off I wasn’t even IN this dream, but more like a silent unseen observer watching it all. In the dreamJewWario’s wife Jenny requested that a handful of people meet with her, a few of his friends, like psychotaku, psychoneko, a few of the TGWTG producers, and some fans and/or people who lays showed at his live streams, such as Katie, PinkRangerWannabe, and Miss Nayong, there were 8 people in total, enough to fill a minivan, because there was a minivan waiting for them when they arrived.

Jen went on to explain that she found a video will that Justin had made with the explicit instructions that it be played for these people while they went on a road trip from Colorado Springs to San Diego, and once they arrived there, Justin would have something special there waiting for each of them.

As they set off and the video began to play. Justin came on the vans media player screen and began talking.

"Hello my friends. I really hope that you will never have to watch this, but, I’m lore and more realizing that it seems likely that you will. I’m terrified of myself and I know that I’ve let myself down and I’ve let you all down"

At this Katie remarks “I don’t feel you let me down, I just wished there was some way I could have helped you”

When she said that the video of Justin responded “thank you for saying that, Karie, I don’t know why I didn’t ask you,mor anyone else in this van for help, but damn it I should have”

This of course confused and shocked everyone in the car. (Even Jen had not watched the video so had no idea what was on it) and Justin continued “sorry if that freaked you all out, I just…..think I have a good idea what you all are going to say for some reason, and will try to respond to it, kind of like that one episode of Doctor Who, with the weeping angels or something”

Soon, on the trip, everyone was talking to the video of Justin and he was talking to them in return, and they were all reminiscing and telling hi about how much he meant to them just as if he was in the car with them.

Finally they arrived in San Diego, to the parking lot of a shopping center where Justin told them to go, that’s when Justin on the video said this. “Well I’m sure by now a lot of you have figured out that, I don’t really have any special item waiting for you here, honestly I just picked this address at random, but I’m sure you also figured out that the special thing I had for you was this trip itself, I know it’s hurting you that none of you even had a chance to say goodbye to me. So this is that chance right now. You are all my dear friends and I love you all.”

And then the final words Justin said

"Oh and Jessica, you’ve been watching this whole time, the same goes to you, when you wake up, I hope you feel that this is your chance to say goodbye to me as well"


And then I woke up.

So was this dream just my mind attempting to make sense of the tragic and senseless event that took the life of a great man way too soon, or did I receive a final comforting visit from Jdub. That’s……a deep philosophical debate that, I don’t really think I have an answer to. But I do know that I think in some capacity that dream has given me a small sense of closure that I really needed.

And you know what! If I had the ability to project that dream into the brains of you all when you go to sleep, then I damn well would.

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