I couldn’t imagine myself containing me in every bars of this cage. Hoping for a better future and hoping that things would go how it was before. But you can’t expect everything to be permanent. Life goes on and change is a constant thing.
I keep telling me these things. I’m such a hard headed kid who believes that everything will always be the same.
It’s really hard for me to accept these changes especially when you get used to it. It becomes a routine, you do it over and over again without getting tired.
But, hey let me tell you my story. My life before was a life that every boy was wishing for. It was a life full of spoils, love life, partying, cheating, lying, feuds and all the things a little boy could wish for. It was a part of my system and became my habit. Until it became my everyday routine. I’ve messed up a lot of times, let people down especially my parents, family, friends and girlfriend. I couldn’t imagine myself messing up a lot of times and not giving a damn about anything. In short it was a life full of spoils.
Then she left me. The tears are still fresh on her eyes, the lies still echoes on her mind and the hatred lingers in her heart. Her eyes are filled with darkness and her heart is in confusion. She’s broken and I’m not.
It was then the time I have realized that my life was at the other side of the road. It destroyed me almost everyday to know the truth that everyone I loved, been with and trusted was lost because of my miserable life. Everyone I know lost their trust on me. I destroyed each and everyone’s heart. I traded myself for fun. I played hearts.
"Ohhh boy, no one wants a troubled boy"
I’ve been crying hard every night and not able to focus on school. Everyday I was breaking down. Every step closer to her is like one step losing her. Life’s been hard and I’m pretty sure that all these things have thought me a lesson.
Tears running down my eyes every night trying to wipe it away, hoping to see clarity ahead. It is so depressing not to see yourself happy. It is also depressing not to be with the people you know before.
"Now that they’re just somebody that I used to know"
Half of my heart is fighting and the other half surrendered. I thought of beginning again, where everything feels brand new. Not to think of anything else, but the possibility of getting back together. Still hoping for a tiny speck of hope left not letting it go. It’s like a cat and mouse chase, not letting go of the chance to catch the mouse no matter how fast or how hard it runs.
I’ll chase my lost dreams. Going for them one by one. Not letting go for this final run. Never going to listen to dogs’ bark. I’ll do my best to reach for these stars and I know even If I fall I’ll land among the moon. I’ll shoot them one by one. This is it. Even how hard life is now,
"I will never give up, it is the next move that makes me even stronger"