I may have fallen asleep video chatting on Skype with -K- again. I wake up significantly earlier due to my work at the school district. So, I left him a small surprise for when he wakes up. Yes, those are my zombie alpaca. Yes, that’s the board we use Anime Fusion promoting. And yes, I am a dork. I just hope he finds it as amusing as I do. :3

Just got back from No Brand Con, and it was fantastic.  However, being around -K- so much, I felt both happy and anxious.  It felt pretty natural for us to walk around together and it was fun to have a con buddy again.  

Only when -34- and -06- referred to him as boyfriend, when we’re totally not, did I feel moderate amounts of anxiety.  I realised that I’ve put myself into a half something again.  I shouldn’t do this to myself.  I like him, but I feel myself closing off emotionally again to protect myself.  He deserves better than that, but at the same time, I know that another (not)relationship, no matter how happy it makes me, would probably be a bad idea.  To tell you the truth, I’m scared.  

I should just let things happen, take it slow, let things grow naturally, etc.  But I’ve been stuck in situations like Kimura (who never even bothered to try a relationship despite having chemistry) or Duck (who after we broke up refused to acknowledge we were dating when we totally still were) for months and even years.  Emotionally, I don’t think I can handle it; I thought I could before.  I don’t know anymore…

I just know he makes me happy and I don’t want to lose that.  I also don’t want feel like I’m being marginalised due to a lack of defined roles comparable to our mutual feelings, as selfish as that sounds.  Whatever.  l shall get some sleep and make decisions later.

A con friend asked if he could go home with me after I already left.  He then asked for tomorrow.  I have a date with Ninja tomorrow.  Friend’s cute, has glasses, and is rather awesome; he’s also engaged.  Drunkeness may be a factor.  But still!  I’m conflicted when I shouldn’t be!  And I realised that the next con I asked to be the raincheck, I also have a date for that con.  

This never happens to me at cons…. noooo…. never.

#single poly girl problems


I have a double date tonight with my friend -K-, and with Wolfpaw23 and DJMegahertz.  I will make curry and we will do bowling.  I will flail awkwardly being next to a really cute guy that I’m unsure why he wants to hang out with me.

I have no idea what will come of it, and I’m unsure what I want to come of it.  I still am freaking myself into anxiety attacks.  Wish me luck, you guys.