janice!

I just talked to Janice, followers, to tell her we sold all the cookies!

And she is very happy about the upcoming camping trip! She is a sweet child who loves the outdoors. Thank you followers, and station coworkers.

No thank you to Steve Carlsberg, who couldn’t be bothered.

Thank you, um, I guess, to StrexCorp, for contributing to a great cause. Please, continue the great work of the Girl Scouts. Please. They are a good organization and they deserve so much bet– excuse me…they deserve so many good things.

I hope all of the girls out there are safe on their upcoming camping trip. There are not many places to hide in the desert, girls. But, you’re very innovative. I mean, for playing tag, of course! I mean for simple games, of course! Not for…self preservation. Or…well-thought-out strategic attacks on a highly-organized enemy. You would never need to hide for those reasons! Why would I even say that? Why would I say anything?

Words? No! These are just strange noises I’m making with my face and typing with my hands.

Strange noises!

And for the rest of you, what do you need? Did you get your cookies yet? Are you nourished by a couple of dollars given to a good cause in exchange for some sugary treats? Do you feel you have done enough to help young women – a specific young woman with helicopter skills – to achieve great things in a town that needs, now more than ever, great things achieved?

Did you do enough with your cookie purchase to actualize what you believe in? To empower kids who will one day rise up and speak a great truth while waving tear-stained copies of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s Sonnets from the Portuguese?

Did you?

I’m sorry. I am not a good saleswoman.

Oh! And now, it’s time to go pick up Khoshekh from the vet, followers.

Stay tuned next for a lifetime of self questioning, followed by conflicting answers from an unreliable source.

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.