I think it's about time we move on from the hate...

And bring it back to our main man. The one and only Jake English, who we all love and know will never demean a cosplayer, no matter how shitty your cosplay may or may not be.

If anything, Jake is the Patron God of Shitty Cosplayers.

I mean


Look at this out of body type cosplay right here! He is nowhere as muscular or tall as The Canon Lord English. And DON’T even get me started on the lack of body paint.


And here’s another one.UGH! He thinks he can just order a cheap-ass belt off the internet, dig up a couple of his grandma’s guns, slap it all together, and call it a proper Lara Croft cosplay?


This one is slightly better, but unfortunately, aside from that nasty tattoo (cover it up please!), he suffers from an underdose of boobs and an overdose of penis. COSPLAY YOUR OWN GENDER! OMG!


And OF COURSE it won’t work when you used such shitty products. You can’t just get some knock-off crayola markers and 99-cents a pack stickers.

NO, you better use at least three (five if you want to be more “professional”) different shades of green. Then you need to resurrect Da Vinci from the dead and have him paint a picture of Geromy using paint made from finely crushed gems and the tears of your slain enemies. Then you need to SEAR THAT PRICELESS WORK OF ART ONTO YOUR BODY WITH IRONS AS HOT AS THE HELL YOUR SOUL WILL BURN FOREVER IN.


This is obviously some weird banana-blender Robin cosplay he made to go with his boyfriend Bionicle Batman cosplay. Thinking they can just go around putting their own little interesting twist on well-worn tradition. I BET HE DIDN’T EVEN SHAVE!

But in all seriousness, it may be nice to get complimented on your cosplay, but at the end of the day, you cosplay for yourself. Because you love the series/show/movie/webcomic/whatever. Because you love the character. Because it’s fun. Because you want to contribute to the community. Because WHY THE FUCK NOT.

So enjoy cosplaying like Jake does; by pretending you live on a deserted island by yourself and there’s no one else around to tell you how ridiculous you look, therefore you must look AWESOME.

Remember, no matter how splendiferous or craptacular your cosplay may be…


Jake’s banana thong shines down on you all.