dear diary

// today my mum told me i was fat and that i should stop working out. i got teary eyed and almost cried but it’s the truth. i am fat and i am not doing a well enough job to get rid of it. it’s this voice inside me that’s killing me. 

today i rushed to school because yet again i didn’t wake up early enough. so i had to do the dishes and breakfast was a rush and it went all wrong and my clothes was too tight and my hijab wasn’t properly made (does it even matter i look fat and ugly no matter what) so i went out to take the bus with my same grey jackety (which i hate and wear everyday because i’m too fat for fall jackets) and school wasn’t that bad (except for thinking bad about myself 99.9% of the time)

i don’t know anymore, i’m sitting here ten to seven o’clock hungry and don’t know what to do. i want to eat but at the same time not. i don’t deserve it you know? but it ruins my metabolism i’ve heard and that’s the last i need right now. i’ll have some bread because i’m too hungry.

so for now, we’ll see.

yours truly