32 + matter i'm a matter trash nothing new
Woops i’m two months late buuut. There you go. Also this one got long too oops. And angsty. Also tried my hand again at writing in English so I hope it’s okay?? God I need to train more.
It had been a few months now since Mathis had left his home, left his family, left the danger and humiliations. The Zelenkas’ house was welcoming, a loving family as he had never known. Everyone tried their best to make him feel good, or at least better, and, most of the time, he did. Most of the time. Because there was these moments, when his heart just sank in his chest. These moments when he could feel it pounding through his ribs, as if it were trying to get out. These moments when he had to catch his breath again, just because he had caught his eyes. He was there, often, of course, why wouldn’t he, visiting your boyfriend is something you do, especially when his place is way safer than yours, when it is your shelter from an abusive home. Mathis could understand that, could relate to that feeling of relief he could see in Peter’s attitude whenever he crossed the door. He didn’t blame him for coming. In fact, he wanted him to come, wanted him to cross this door, wanted to see the light in his eyes when they found the boy he was coming for. Except that that boy wasn’t him, and it was that who was killing him. He had tried to repress it, of course. Control his movements when he was around, struggle not to stare at him to often. Tsveta was his best friend, the first person who had ever cared about him, and he knew he couldn’t do that to him, could not betray him this deeply. Still, he couldn’t help wishing that his boyfriend was his. So he started avoiding him. Only getting out of his room for meals or to go outside when Peter was around. Avoiding his gaze, always, limiting himself to the slightest contacts and exchanges. But he knew he couldn’t keep on doing that for too long, and that someone would eventually notice.