it's-me-by-the-way

hello friends!! so i’ve been thinking about my life and who i am/want to be a lot in the past few months and i’ve finally come to the conclusion that i’m trans. i’ve felt like something wasn’t “right” about me all my life but i could never put my finger on it. unfortunately, i can’t quite start transitioning any time soon because of my family and financial situation so that will have to wait a few more years and i’m also planning to see a therapist in the near future to sort things out. 

this is all pretty new and scary to me since i sort of declined my situation for a long time or never wanted to deal with it (mostly because my family/father aren’t exactly supportive and it would be hell for me to come out to them) and i’m still not entirely sure about who i am or who i want to be but i’m on the right track. either way, it’d be super nice if you could use she/her pronouns; that would make me feel a lot more confident and would also help me adapt myself to my situation.

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I don’t remember drawing these. I just woke up this morning and found them in my sketchbook??? It’s a mystery. Syl’s definitely my favorite, with Kaladin a close second (if only because of those majestic curls). I’m not too happy with Lift and Shallan, but I decided to post them anyway.

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some random things:

- “hiccup” makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE than “hiccough” and predates it

- the NINA signs probably only existed in the UK, not the US but oh my godddddd the super awful caricatures and working conditions and everything were totally here why was I even reading about it. also apparently jokes about ~~~funny~~~ Irish names resulted in Irish-Americans giving their children Anglo-type names. I’m kind of pleased that after going with “John” and “Florence” and “Michael” and “Helen” for a few generations, my family’s back to giving every single member the most stereotypically Irish Catholic names imaginable, including me, but with special kudos for my cousins Mary Brigid, Margaret Mary, and Tara Ann.

- relatedly, we were playing Two Truths One Lie in class, and my lie was “I’m German-American.” I was super amused because everyone kept squinting at me and one person was like I KNOW YOUR LAST NAME IT’S TOTALLY GERMAN. And after the reveal he was like, then…wait, your name… IRISH, SUCKERS. (Well, Norman Irish. Whatever.)

- earlier it was the exact same temperature in Valencia, California and Valencia, Spain and this makes me ridiculously happy

- Mako is a Ravenclaw!!! 

- I was wistfully going over my old dreamwidth and ran across a post I’d written about how the whole “OT fans who dislike the prequels are just nostalgic fanboys who hate joy” thing was toxic and condescending and completely inescapable in fandom. I wrote it four years ago. almost to the day.

- I am nearly done with this chapter of wgdots and I am ABSOLUTELY DETERMINED to finish today so I can post 

- I am super ambivalent about Alfonso d’Este bc I feel like he gets an unfairly bad rap in Borgias stuff but also he had mistresses and visited brothels and such and still couldn’t stop getting Lucrezia pregnant even with healthy kids, which killed her. so, you know. also I like creepy-ass Girolamo Borgia a bit better bc he named his daughter Lucrezia

- for a family of social-climbing upstarts the Borgias were SUPER inbred, at this point I’m going to have to stick the extended family tree into RootsMagic

- I can’t judge bc whenever I use the relationship calculator to see how I’m related to my own ancestors, I get “error: cannot calculate more than 100 times”

sometimes I get so overwhelmed at the idea that there are people in the world that we could help but everyone is too selfish to help them. Like how there’s more empty houses in Europe alone then there is homeless people in the WHOLE WORLD. And if we all stopped eating meat, there would be enough fresh produce to end world hunger. And we have the mind power to cure all these illnesses that kill people but we look for ways of prolonging life instead of saving it simply because that’s how you make more money, is keep people suck for as long as you can and give them expensive treatments to add a few more years instead of finding ways of saving there lives in general. and that’s why I have so much fucking anxiety is all these concepts are too big for me to think of and it makes me so unreasonable sad to think we can fix things but we just don’t

please like this post if you have read my before following, blacklist, and kin/syn page!

I’ll shut up about this eventually, but I’m still just… blown away by Les Mis. It was such a cool experience– our seats were five rows from the front in the orchestra section, and it was just absolutely stunning to be so close. The sets were so cool, the actors were great. Like, there are so many actors who I want to gush about. And so many choices that broke my heart, but were so good

There’s just something about seeing your favorite show live for the first time, that’s so magical and so cool. Like, the music started, and the chain gang came on, and I was just like “Am I really here? Is this some kind of weirdly elaborate dream?” But nope. I was there. It was so good. Like, just the best theater experience I’ve ever had. And probably the best birthday present I’ll ever have. And the best theater experience I’ll ever have. There’s really nothing like seeing your favorite show live for the first time. I’m sure I’ll see productions of this scale again– if not on Broadway itself, then if it goes on tour, etc.– and I’m doing it myself right now. But really, nothing will probably ever top this experience.

Wondering about some of Robert’s behaviour and it kind of feels like he just wants to skip making up or proving himself or apologizing and just ~be okay~ w/ Aaron. Like Idk about other people but I’m also shit at being caring or apologizing etc so I get wanting to skip that to just being okay whereas Aaron wants an apology and explanation for his behaviour and maybe a serious talk about where they even stand rn. and in that way they sort of clash perhaps? not that that’s an excuse, bc Aaron might get that fine? but he wants Robert to step up and ahem embrace his uncomfort zone~ for him and yeah, Robert should step up, that it’s not how he naturally behaves doesn’t mean he shouldn’t try to be more caring and think of where Aaron is at more often. But it’s definitely not automatic for him to be caring, t know how to behave. He uses money and snogging to make up for stuff or makes bullshit excuses, he only genuinely explains himself and bares his emotions when nearly forced to.

i just feel like i missed out such a big part of being a teenager because i lived so far away i never went out to clubs or parties and now it’s just become this sad habit that i never actually go anywhere to socialize and never go out

LIKE SERIOUSLY I DONT TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE ALEX NEARLY ENOUGH. LIKE DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA HOW AMAZING SHE IS?? THIS DORK, MAN. SHE’S LIKE THE EMBODIMENT OF THAT BEAUTIFUL CINNAMON ROLL. TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD. TOO PURE. SHE’S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT AND PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SO HORRIBLE TO HER BUT SHE NEVER STOPS BELIEVING THAT THERE’S GOOD IN EVERYONE AND SHE ALWAYS TRIES HER BEST TO HELP PEOPLE EVEN AT HER OWN EXPENSE AND LIKE. YEAH THAT’S DUMB AS FUCK AND SHE REALLY SHOULDN’T DO THAT CUZ SHE SHOULD LOOK OUT FOR HERSELF MORE BUT DO YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING THAT IS?? SHE’S SO STRONG MAN. STRONG IN THE REAL WAY. I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER MET ANOTHER PERSON AS GENUINE AND LOVING AS ALEX. AND IM HER TWIN OKAY. I’VE SEEN HER AT HER WORST AND FUCKIN BELIEVE ME. SHE CAN BE A HUGE PAIN IN MY ASS SOMETIMES AND SHE’S GOT FLAWS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE BUT WHEN SHE LOVES SOMEONE SHE REALLY LOVES THEM WITH HER WHOLE HEART. THROUGH THE GOOD BAD AND THE UGLY. AND IT’S SO AMAZING MAN. IDK HOW SHE DOES IT. LIKE I DONT EVEN JUST MEAN SHE’S THAT WAY TO OTHER PEOPLE ONLY LIKE. SHE’S THAT PERSON TO ME TOO. SHE PUTS UP WITH SO MUCH OF MY SHIT MAN. SHE’S SUCH A BLESSING AND I JUST REALLY LOVE HER SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA

despite what lesbian terfs would have you believe, making it sound like their way of being a lesbian is the normal and default way, it’s not true. they don’t represent the majority of lesbians, and if you’re a trans lesbian, or a lesbian who’s attracted to trans women, it doesn’t make you not a real lesbian. it makes you a decent human being, unlike them.

im so sorry

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David Tennant Appreciation Week: Day Three

↳ Favourite Non-DW Role: Peter Carlisle, Blackpool