It’s so hard to find an official Islamic order that seems to implement and apply pure Islam. Every sect, whether it’s Sunni, Shia, Sufi - they all emphasize different important aspects of the Sunnah but none of them put it all together like the Prophet(saw) did. They’re all…tainted in a way. And then people say that you must follow a certain group of sheikhs or scholars. I understand for the sake of ease in religion, how this is a blessing for a Muslim. He doesn’t have to have the responsibility that a scholar has to know the intricacies of religion. But how can I do that if I can see the inconsistencies? I don’t know if I fit anywhere. I don’t know if I’m SUPPOSED to fit anywhere. There’s too much knowledge and I’m not exposed to anyone that seems to manifest the essence of all that Islamic knowledge.
There are people in my family that are very spiritually inclined as well. There are some really out-of-the-ordinary things that we’ve gone through that no one can explain properly for us. I know what happened and they know what happened, so no one can change that. In fact, lots of *ahem, salafi* scholars would reject it or brush it off. But finding a scholar or imam that not only has knowledge of those things but also embodies all of the important characteristics that I think a scholar should have…is so hard.