It’s hard playing a canon character. Constantly I’ll doubt myself because I’ll see all these other versions of the same character portrayed so well that I just don’t feel so confident in my own portrayal. When people follow me I think they’re trying to measure me against all of these expectations, and I can’t meet them because I tend to lead the character down a different path than what’s canon.

Whatever it is…let it go

So yesterday a friend and I went and got balloons from the grocery store by our place. We got 2 of each and wrote on it what we were struggling or dealing with. Lately I had been feeling like I had been blowing things a little bit too much in my head about someone who I like and was not getting enough attention that I wanted from them. I started thinking in my head that maybe I did something wrong to them, or hurt their feelings, and it kind of also made me feel like I wasn’t good enough anymore. I started blowing them up in my head thinking about it over and over and over, so I wrote on my first balloon idolatry, because I feel like I was making this person an idol in my life, when there is no way this person should even have this much weight on my life. On the second balloon I wrote insecurity, because I feel like I have been constantly wanting this persons and other peoples approval on how I dress and look. I kept worrying about how I looked and wanting someone to compliment me. I feel like I mentally tried hard in the beginning when getting dressed for the night, hoping I would be “noticed/accepted.”

So I took all of those reoccurring thoughts in my head, all those what if questions, and put them in those two balloons and let them go into the air. I use this to symbolically represent that I am going to LET IT ALL GO and NEVER revisit those thoughts again!

I encourage you to let it go too! Whatever your dealing with, that is hard to let go of… seal it up, and just let it go!!

I hate how in most love and romance movies/books the female star is always skinny and next to flawless. And when the story’s main star has “curves” or flaws she has to change in order to get the guy she wants, Like fat is a bad thing, like the fat girl never gets the guy, and I think its bullshit. I think people shouldnt have to change to get the one they want. People always say that magazines are what make women insecure and depressed its the things that people display as “perfect” well fuck perfect no one should have to change to get someone to love them, being fat isn’t a flaw and being skinny isn’t a flaw. Stop looking down on people for how they look, and just erase the idea of perfection. You’re fucking beautiful the way you are and fuck anyone who has the nerve to tell you that you’re not.

I sometimes look at my blog and think “God, what was I thinking?”. My muses are from underdeveloped fandoms, I’m still not good at drawing one of them, and I tend to post more ooc stuff than actual roleplay thanks to a lack of interaction. And to top it all off, I’m too shy to interact much with other blogs (especially if they’re semi-popular or above).

I feel like I’m becoming no more than a bother to the people I rp with. I can’t handle writing anything with drama. I think maybe I’m becoming boring for them, since I only feel comfortable writing fluffy/cute things.