When I feel like I’m not.
So sadly I sometimes have to ask my self some pretty simple questions. if I have to ask myself if I’m high than I am not high enough. br/>
I’m trying to take bigger shots I just never feel like I’m high enough to enjoy it. That to me is beyond frustrating. I hate when I reach that point of not feeling the satisfaction I felt in the beginning of my using & I get to the point of feeling normal. That’s when I start to use it to just feel normal & avoid getting dope sick. That’s when I start to use for a different reason.
Shit is frustrating as fuck.
Id like for my tolerance to go down that would be great but I’d have to go without it for a bit & I don’t know if I’m ready to make that kind of commitment. I’m still chasing that first high.
Next time I’m doubling my shot size that should do it. I know I’m high because I’m not tired and I don’t know how to talk & form sentences I sound like a dumbass when I do speak also I change the subject & forget to make sense so I really sound stupid. Most of the time I have to remind myself to stop talking. So I’m defiantly high but I could be higher.
I would get more ice if I had the money to buy more. Being broke with a drug addiction & losing the people who gave you free drugs causes some problems. Makes me have to problem solve & that’s just too much.
But at least I’m high that’s all that matters I’m not sober. I’m also not losing my mind like I was when i did multiple shots a day & stayed up for longer than 3 days. Cause shit was getting weirder by the hour. But I’ll admit to liking it….
- I once tried writing my friend a letter half way through it I must’ve checked out and started writing about my mom being out to get me..? I laughed so hard I kept it.
-Talking to certain people that aren’t there & just casually carrying on a conversation only to find out that I was talking to a pile of clothes for 20 mins & I swore they talked back to me.
It’s happened multiple times even in front of other people. It’s embarrassing when I do weird shit like that in front of other people & I can’t control it.
- attempting to Facebook message a friend but instead going on tumblr and asking my self the question I was trying to ask them. Then switching to Facebook apparently unknowingly & still thinking I had sent that first message to my friend had now sent another message demanding he give me the answer to my question. He was so confused & asked me what I was talking about.
I said something like
“Guess who I am talking to?!”
And who I was referring to was Molly.
I didn’t get a response so I sent
I then realized I tumblr asked myself that question. .
After seeing Molly I saw another friend with one of her ex’s & they were sitting together. I then thought we were in the hospital because they then both appeared to be on a hospital bed.
- accusing my friends of stealing my phone that I swore I had with me in my car because I was taking selfies with it so it was there.. Made them help me search my entire car 3 times. Later I found out the phone I was missing was on my bed. I felt so stupid.
I’ve had so many moments but I’m too high to remember them . It’s fun when shit gets weird also frustrating when you can’t put the pieces back together. My memory is horrible I wish I could remember some of the crap that happened because its just funny how ridiculous life gets when you’re on meth & how ridiculously stupid you get.
I just don’t know how people who are sober have fun & enjoy being sober. (Well no shit there I’m an addict)
Normal people wonder the same about us but if they tried it they would understand I’ve been sober before I’ve tried it & I’ve decided I don’t like it so drugs it is.
I like how it makes me feel.
I like the lifestyle.
I like the rush.
I like it all.
It’s whole other world & it’s exciting.
I never know what to expect.
I defiantly did not expect to enter a whole new world when I started injecting meth.
I guess I was warned about shit getting weird I had no idea the extent of it. But I like it. Actually I love it.
Its entertaining I love the crazy shit that my brain does. As long as my brain goes back to functioning normally then I’m fine with going a little crazy occasionally.
Who says shit like that?! Really though
I am far from normal.
But that doesn’t bother me I don’t even like normal.