inatimate

Keurig I love you

I have a very personal relationship with my Keurig. His name’s Kevin he’s a chill ass stoner who makes a killer cup of Joe. Dude’s cool and has a cup ready for me asap in the morning. Kevin you’re awesome bro and I love you man. 

My only issue with Shringold not being an inatimate object is that drawing an object head character wouldn’t work.

…On second thought, a guy with a butterfly for a head would be pretty funny.

The time is 2:48 AM. I havent slept in an elapsed time of 29 hours. I am beggining to talk to inatimate objects and they talk back to me. I have developed cat-like reflexes and now I have a 40/40 vision and a keen sense of smell. I can travel faster than the speed of light. I killed 5 men. I hanged my enemies. Please help me.

survey 515
  • Had sex in the back of a pickup truck?
  • Fooled around in a sibling’s room?
  • Been walked in on by parents?
  • Been walked in on by roommate?
  • Cheated on a test or exam?
  • Had sex in the backseat of a car?
  • Sunbathed naked?
  • Streaked?
  • Lied about sexual prefrence to avoid a date?
  • Had sex in a sleeping bag?
  • Skinny dipped?
  • Woken other people up by being too loud during sex?
  • Gotten carded (for anything?)
  • Had a fake ID?
  • Been approached by a hooker?
  • Worn clothes to hide a hickey?
  • Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?
  • Had sex with an inatimate object?
  • Been too drunk to stay awake during sex?
  • Puked on someone you were kissing at the time?
  • Burped on someone you were kissing at the time?
  • Laughed so hard you peed?
  • Laughed so hard you’ve snorted?
  • Told someone they had a booger?
  • Been told to tone down the “dirty dancing?”
  • Been so drunk you peed in your own bed?
  • Rolled over and introduced yourself?
  • Woken up drunk?
  • Not remembered how you got home?
  • Bruised you buttbone?
  • Committed a felony?
  • Been caught?
  • Gone to Jail?
  • Accidentally kicked a guy in the nuts?
  • Kicked a guy in the nuts ON PURPOSE
  • Stolen?
  • Shoplifted?
  • Fooled around on a ski lift?
  • Fooled around with other people in the room.
  • Gotten carpet burns?
  • Woken up sore from fooling around?
  • Had the cat (or dog) walk over you while fooling around?
  • Had milk shoot out of your nose?
  • Fooled around in a someone else’s bed?
  • Fallen asleep in class and woken up in a puddle of drool?
  • Fallen out a window?
  • Been PUSHED out a window?
  • Pushed someone out a window?
  • Had to pick a pubic hair from betweeen your teeth?
  • Bought condoms?
  • had your parents ask you if you were a virgin?
  • Rented a porno and watched the whole thing without saying “THATS GROSS”
  • Hooked up with a teacher?
  • Hooked up with a family member? 
  • Went drunk to prom?
  • Been so high your eyes were almost shut?
  • Swallowed?
  • Spit?
  • Spit everywhere?
  • Got poison ivy from having sex in nature?
  • Had an STD?
  • Been bit by a fish while having sex in the water.
  • Been so comftorable with your girlfriend/Boyfriend that you leave the bathroom door open?
  • Had sex against a washing machine?
  • Had sex INSIDE a washing machine?
  • Acted out sex scenes with Barbie and Ken?
  • Hidden a porno under your bed?
  • Taken the morning after pill?
  • Gotten so sick your swore off a particular type of alcohol 
  • Smoked in the bathroom of high school?
  • Run from a police officer?
  • Spent the night in jail?
  • Had phone sex?
  • Had phone sex so hot the operator listened in?
  • Laughed out loud at a funeral?
  • Thought your were, or wanted to be a vampire?
  • Had a pregnancy scare?
  • Had a pregnancy scare so severe you were looking at books of baby names?
  • Given someone a fake phone number?
  • Been to “South of the Border”
  • Fooled around on the beach?
  • Been fined for indecent exposure?
  • Had a flash flood occur at an innoppertune time?
  • Done the “mad search for clothes” when someone knocked on the door?
  • Walked around the next day bow-legged?
  • Sat through an entire “Real World” or “Road Rules” marathon?
  • Had a hangover so bad you wanted someone to shoot you?
  • French kissed someone in the ear and lost your gumin the process?
  • Been asked by police officers to move along?
  • Stood outside a convience store trying to find a non-minor to buy you alchol?
  • Done body shots?
  • Dated someone and their sibling?
  • Dated someone and their parent?
  • Passed out with your head in the toilet?
  • Used someone else’s toothbrush?
  • Been put to sleep on your stomach or side so you couldn’t choke on your own puke?
  • Played strip poker?
  • Played strip monopoly?
  • Been so scared at a horror movie you grabbed someone’s leg you didn’t know?
  • Snuck into any movie because you were underage?
  • Been snuck into any bar/club because you were underage?
  • Used a fake ID and then forgotten what your new name was?
  • Tried to guess someone’s password?
  • Had a sex dream about a professor?
  • Acted on this dream?
  • Run out of a bathroom screaming “Yes!! I got my period!”
  • Carried on a conversation where one or more of the participants had their head in a toilet or trashcan?
  • Seriously thought about becoming a nun to avoid contact  with males?
  • Had sex in a Victoria’s Secret dressing room?
  • Gotten kicked out of Victoria’s Secret for smelling the lingere?
  • Had a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese’s?
  • Gotten your braces locked together kissing someone?
  • And had to walk to the school nurse to get them unhooked?
  • Been fooling around with someone and had a cop stop and ask “Is everything alright here?”
  • Had to show how to/help a guy unhook a bra?
  • Had a guy/girl give you flowers?
  • Made out under the stars? 
  • Done the “walk of shame”?
  • Been fed strawberries? 
  • Had sex in a national park?
  • Had sex with more than one person at the same time?
  • Slept in a bed with more than 5 people?
  • Gotten hard to explain bruises?
  • Screwed around in a picture taking booth?
  • Had a hickey last for more than two weeks?
  • Gotten a tattoo?
  • Stopped kissing (or having sex with) someone to say “What’s your name again?”
  • Screwed around in an elevator?
  • Gone somewhere in the presence of a member of the opposite sex, just to be seen by an ex?
  • Gotten less than a 40% on the purity test?
  • Been fooling around in the car and accidently honked the horn?
  • Had sex in a tree? (or treehouse?)