You know growing up and watching all those stories about people who decided to end their life. Tragedies my mother called them and of course then, I thought tragedies don’t happen to people like me–ordinary and good children like me who listen to their mothers.  I couldn’t understand why someone would do that, but it hasn’t until recently that it begun to creep up on me. Now I’m not so sure it’s all that irrational, and there’s a bit of a toxic empathy that is growing on me. 

I’m stuck between, wanting desperately to kill myself and being too afraid to actually do it, and that’s the worse thing ever. You do everyday activities and keep picturing killing yourself, you fight back tears in the middle of the day, you stay up crying and just want to end it all. But when you have that knife in your hand, you can’t do it. You know you have no future and you’re nothing, but you’re too much of a pussy to do it. So you lay back down and cry yourself to sleep. Again.


Fighting allergies, when night at a time #allergies #humidifier #nasalpassage #noserape #overit #ijustwantittoend #yasss