I wish I could restart this school year. I really fucked up. My grades last semester were horrible. A lot of people found out I self-harm, including my family. I have to see my psychologist every week. I lie to her a lot. I cried more and more, but now I can’t even cry. I just sit there, numb. I lost my best friend. She meant everything to me. I can’t even be friends with her now because it makes me sad to remember that I fucked it all up. So I’m trying to push her away, even though I KNOW it will be the 2nd biggest mistake of my life (the 1st was losing her). My first actual suicide attempt was this year. My favorite teacher told the principal and pretty much the whole school knows. There were plans for other attempts, but my favorite teacher and two friends kept me here. I disappointed my academics counselor with my horrible grades last semester. He says I made a huge improvement and he’s super proud, but I know he’s not. No one can be proud of me. I’ve self-harmed so much more since March 28. I found out about 6 people who also self harm that are close to me. It’s all so stressful. I can’t take it anymore. Looking back, I would be better off dead.