Tired of feeling nothing. Tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see. Tired of everything and everyone. Why must they constantly judge me. If only they new that I was was unhappy with the way I live and the way I act. I put on this tough girl front so maybe they would think I’m normal but I’m tired of all of this. I broke down in class on Friday. The teacher asked me if I was ok Nd I broke down. I regret doing that because now people know I’m weak. They are all going to look at me like I’m some kind of freak.
I’m done with this thing we call life

I wish I could restart this school year. I really fucked up. My grades last semester were horrible. A lot of people found out I self-harm, including my family. I have to see my psychologist every week. I lie to her a lot. I cried more and more, but now I can’t even cry. I just sit there, numb. I lost my best friend. She meant everything to me. I can’t even be friends with her now because it makes me sad to remember that I fucked it all up. So I’m trying to push her away, even though I KNOW it will be the 2nd biggest mistake of my life (the 1st was losing her). My first actual suicide attempt was this year. My favorite teacher told the principal and pretty much the whole school knows. There were plans for other attempts, but my favorite teacher and two friends kept me here. I disappointed my academics counselor with my horrible grades last semester. He says I made a huge improvement and he’s super proud, but I know he’s not. No one can be proud of me. I’ve self-harmed so much more since March 28. I found out about 6 people who also self harm that are close to me. It’s all so stressful. I can’t take it anymore. Looking back, I would be better off dead.

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