iamokay!

It is crazy to think that I am 20 now. That I can get off of work, have a glass of wine with someone who works in my building, go back to his house and enjoy myself. I don’t exactly know how I feel about last night. But I guess I can kind’ve look at it so many ways, and let that effect me. So I chose the positive way. I am going to enjoy these years. I am going to enjoy my twenties, and I am not going to be effected by people. I need to quit being so uptight. Maybe I need to make friends from different places. Not friends from school who think that they know me, and wouldn’t want to do spontaneous things with me because of the morals their parents shoved down their throat. Defiantly not people from work, because you never want to mix business and pleasure together. I do miss how things used to be. So simple. But everything was such a lie. My entire life was basically a lie, and I happened to be the main character of that story. I have been through enough. I have been through so much, and now I stopped running. I stopped running and it has caught up to me. It caught up to me, and hit me so hard. I think that’s what people don’t understand, how hard it really hit me.  I worry a lot. I try to always be better, and maybe it’s time I just start being myself. I am not going to let what happened to me define who I am. I am not going to let that become me like I have for so long. I think I am a survivor. Because I am here. I made it. I am facing my problems, and I am not running.  I am not going to sell myself short of anything.  I guess I really don’t have friends, and the people I thought I had have changed on me over night. I don’t feel loved,  but instead I am going to love myself. Hopefully then people will start loving me back. 

I accidentally bumped into one of these at hip-level yesterday. In case you were wondering, those spikes are sword-sharp. O almost passed out from the blood. Yowza! #iamokay #bruised #mojaveyucca #joshuatree #werkersontheroad - posted from Instagram http://ift.tt/1EjDsuC