The first physical meeting was nothing like my expectations. I had spent an entire year imagining what it would be like but the reality was very different.
I expected to run up to her, arms wide and pull her into an embrace. I expected to look her in the eyes and say “Hey beautiful” and kiss her. I never took my nerves into account. I knew i’d be nervous but not to the soul crippling extent of how nervous I actually was.
I did run up to her. I did embrace her. However the rest? I forgot about the rest. I forgot how to even speak. Her mum and brother were there which ramped up the nerves even more, my friend senritrinity (Dominic) was there for support. I guess the fact that we weren’t alone made me even more nervous. However Dominic was a lifesaver that day and Louise could tell you that part.
Once we left the airport we waited to be driven to the city. Dominic, Louise and I stood there and I remember Dominic pushing us together for a hug again. I felt so awkward because I felt like I blew it. She wrapped her arms around me and i felt my body shaking against hers. I was so nervous. To this day I still think it was the most nervous I have ever been. I felt so small and insignificant all of a sudden, because she was so beautiful and i was just me.
When we got to the city we walked around a bit. I started thinking “okay you’ve spoken to her every single day for a year and you can’t even look at her now. get it together” but in all honesty I was so poor at it. I am so insecure at the best of times so this was torture for me.
I remember getting to the pretzel stand and we were messing around trying to get in front of each other. I wanted to be the one who paid but so did she, the same thing happened at Starbucks a while later. Things never change, we still do this at every single time without fail.
I couldn’t even eat the damn pretzel because I was so nervous. (yes they’re the pretzels from our ‘first meeting’ picture). It’s funny because Louise couldn’t either, so naturally we gave our pretzels to Dominic who was totally happy about that because hey - free pretzels.
We didn’t really get “alone time” together until our bus home, a few hours after I had picked her up. (we technically weren’t alone even then, because Dominic was in a seat behind us with earphones in. So during every silence we could hear a muffled Katy Perry playing in the background)
I remember this being the first time I looked her in the eyes properly and i got lost. So lost. Her eyes were the most beautiful shade of green I have ever seen. I felt lightheaded and began to shake again. I remember that typical cliche movie-like “are they going to hold hands?” thing happening when my hand was next to hers. I felt mine gradually inch towards hers every so often until my pinky was locked in hers. I saw her smile in the corner of my eye so i held her hand properly. I remember resting my head on her shoulder because I was tired. It was really intense. We both spoke about how nervous we were and I felt a rush of relief. She seemed happy.
When we got home we left our stuff at my house and went to my school. I had to finish a bit of coursework so we sat in study together. I remember typing and feeling her looking at me, i remember not knowing a single thing that I was typing. I think I wrote one line.
We left soon enough and walked back up my town, hand in hand. It was bliss but even then I still felt nervous. (how many times have I written the word nervous now? is this story getting boring? I’m so bad at writing things like this)
We were both really tired so I asked if she wanted to just go back to my house for a while and she agreed. We went up to my room and sat in my bed and talked for a really long time. Gradually I felt myself get more at ease but everything felt so intense. I have no idea how much time passed but I’m sure it was hours.
At one point, a silence came and I watched her eyes cross between my eyes to my lips and back up again. I realised I hadn’t kissed her yet, and so i did. I would describe what it felt like, but explosions and fireworks and every typical thing you’ve heard of doesn’t even match up to it. My heart flutters even thinking about it.
I’ve been addicted to kissing her ever since then.