i-promised-myself

Ship to Shore - Chapter 2

This cruise was meant to mend their relationship - not tear it apart! Emma Swan is left alone on a ten day cruise after an ill-timed break-up. Is there any way she can salvage this vacation? And just what is it about that first officer, Killian Jones…

Also on AO3 and FF.NET

A/N: So two chapters will have to be three! I couldn’t do what I wanted with this story in the word-count I had promised myself so I hop you enjoy this and I plan to have part 3 up very soon!

When she awoke, there was a flashing light on the in-room phone, indicating she had a message. Once the room stopped spinning, she dialed zero for the operator and was told there was a message awaiting her.

Curious, she washed off her tear-stained make up and pulled on a sundress, covering her puffy eyes with sunglasses as she walked to the front desk and retrieved the mentioned note. Tearing at the anonymous, white envelope, she stumbled back to her room, ready to spend another few hours hiding away under the thick, down-filled comforter. She paused outside her door as she saw the name of the message’s author.

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+ cxrnelian

& it’s so LATE  – it’s so late, & all he can do is stand right at her front door, fist pounding against the hard wood, as a whine ( or several ) fall from his lips.   flossy !! flooooosssyyyyyy… wake uuuup.  he’ll drawl, now discarding the beer in hand to sit next to the lovely roses that were situated out in her front garden, & he’ll give THOSE a hard glare, too – they reminded him of his girlfriend, who decided to be the shittiest person on the PLANET that night —- not that he remembered much of their argument, anyway. it mostly consisted of her throwing shit at him & him slamming his fist against the wall, & then he was escorting himself out, only to down several shots of vodka & attempt to refrain from puking his guts out. but now he was here, at flossy’s front door instead, still punching at it with his fist.  pleeeaaasseee ?? i promise i’ll be — i’ll be quiet !! i just wanna come iiiin. ‘m coooold.  ’ & he’s mostly just talking to himself, adjusting the snapback he wore in his head with a flick of his wrist, though it almost leaves it to fly off of his head. he’ll slump against the door as he waits for an answer, a giggle cascading from his lips as the alcohol continues to burn through his blood – what got him into this MESS ?? & why was he h e r e ?? – not that’d he question it too much. he didn’t want to give himself a major headache any time soon.

Decades

I promised myself I was gonna give my fingers a rest for a few days… but its four in the morning and this happened. Have some angst >:D 

Summary: Ten years is a long time without someone.

Lucy sat perched on her windowsill, the window he abruptly came in when he broke into her house. Her downcast eyes took in the scenery from the dark world outside the glass. No one was out on the streets, most likely due to the late hours. The midnight sky made the lamps illuminating the street shine brighter. Lucy sighed for the umpteenth time that day.

She remembered coming home in the middle of the night with the pink haired dragon slayer. She would barely be awake, dragging her feet all the way home while the fireball would still have enough left over energy to swing around on the fixtures. Her lips quirked up in a tender smile, feeling the back of her eyes burn a little with unshed tears.

She missed those days.

Nowadays she just took a small mission here and there, just enough to be able to afford her monthly rent. Other times she would sleep, or pick out a book to read to get her mind off things.

But most of her days were spent sitting on the windowsill awaiting Natsu’s return.

Lucy can’t recall the last time she was at the guild; the last mission she had taken paid a pretty penny, enough for her to pay a few months worth of rent. She did miss her guildmates tremendously, but she wanted to avoid that place as much as she possibly could. There was an aching feeling in her chest at the thought. Since the day she had joined Fairy Tail, she always thought of it as home; her home.

But it was farthest from the truth.

Home didn’t have to be a building she came to realize. Home could also be a person, something you confined in… something you trusted to keep you safe and warm.

It wasn’t until the day after he left that Lucy realized Natsu was her home.

She had always subconsciously thought that he was, but never had it dawned on her until it was too late. She buried her face into her knees, remembering the day he left like it was yesterday…

Even though it was seven years ago.


Lucy sat at the bar, ordering a alcoholic drink from Mirajane. The take over mage gave her a wary look, but complied to her request. When the beverage was presented in front of her, the stellar mage took a swig; ignoring the approaching footsteps coming from behind.

“Lucy.”

His voice rang in her ears, but as easy as it was for him to say her name; it was even easier for her to ignore it. Lucy heard the old wooden floor squeak as he took another step forward, desperately trying to get her attention.

“Lucy, I’m leaving in a few minutes.”

Did he really think that was going to make her respond to him? She felt the whole guild’s eyes on them, but she didn’t care. She didn’t have a reason to speak to him, he should just leave her as easily as he did the first time.

“Lucy please-”

“Please what Natsu?!” She snapped when she heard him beg, he shouldn’t be the one begging her to talk to him before he leaves. It should be her begging him to stay with her. She seen the hurt flash across his face, she tried her best to not feel guilty but a ping of it was still there. She sighed, turning back around to the bar. “You should really go, you’ll miss your train.”

“Not until you see me off.”

Lucy felt her temper flare. Goodbye? Tell him goodbye? Rage controlling her she turned back around to the dragon slayer, standing up from the bar stool. She stood up straight, her heated gaze directed to his black orbs.

“So you want me to see you off?” Her tone was one of mockery. “Why isn’t it as easy to leave me this time? It was sure as hell easy for you to do it last time.”

“I left you a letter-”

“Letters don’t mean anything Natsu!” Lucy shouted, completely enraged. “I write my mother letters every single day, just as a way to vent my feelings. But it doesn’t mean a damn thing because they’re just words on a thin sheet of paper that can easily be lost or torn, then what? You can never get it back because they’re gone.”

Tears were rushing down her porcelain cheeks. She started to shake at the intensity of the sobs, covering her hands over her brown eyes. Natsu sighed, knowing what Lucy truly meant by her outburst. He walked over to the hysterical girl, wrapping his strong arms around her petite body; relaxing when she eventually returned his embrace.

“I just don’t want you to leave.”

He sighed, burying his head in her hair taking in her strawberry scent. “I know.”

“I could barely do a year without you Natsu, how am I going to manage ten?”

Natsu had to stop himself from visibly flinching at the thought of not seeing his blonde haired partner for a full ten years. He had to go though; it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. It wasn’t everyday the great Gildarts Clive asked you serve with him on a decade long mission.

“You’re the strongest person I know Lucy, I know you’ll find a way to cope.” His grip on her frail body tightened. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

She couldn’t find the words to speak, settling for nodding in his chest. All too soon, the partners had to reluctantly pull apart.

“This isn’t goodbye Lucy, you’ll see me again.” He gave her one more of his infamous grins, faltered slightly by the own tears slipping from his eyes.

Lucy nodded, sitting back down in her chair feeling as if her knees were about to give out on her; her tears never faltering.  

“I’ll see you in ten years Natsu.” The last memory she had of the fire mage was a two finger salute he offered as he walked out of the guildhall doors for ten, long years.

Lucy wiped her tears away, once her clear vision was restored she could spot the dark orange in the horizon signaling that sunrise was now on its way. The celestial mage slowly stood up and walked over to the bed Natsu had slept on often. She grabbed the article of clothing lying next to her pillow, cuddling with the scarf that Natsu had left behind for her. She buried her nose in the garment inhaling the scent that wasn’t present anymore.

Snuggling into a comfortable spot, Lucy hoped she would receive more than three hours of sleep tonight. Her sleeping habits had been off since he left, everything has been off since he left.

Slipping her eyes shut, Lucy gradually fell asleep. Ready to do the exact same actions tomorrow.

And she would keep repeating them until the day Natsu came back to her.

10

This is by far the best summer time of my life, so let me share the reason why I’m on hiatus these past few months..

Meeting new friends. When I started working last April, the only people that I knew there were Jim and Lienett. Because technically, we were blockmates who intended to find a summer job for our luxuries. We started working without interacting too much with others except Geminie who happens to be our companion since day 1 of our application. She’s a Psychology major, and also from PUP. So we got along together real fast. However, I don’t like talking to other people way back then (although all of us were ONLY students from different colleges and courses) and we do have separate worlds while training. Because 1. I promised myself that I won’t get attached by those people in the pictures above. 2. I wanted a job because I needed money, and not because I needed another set of temporary friends that will leave me eventually. 3. I do have trust issues. So spare me from betrayals and such.

However, look at us now. Inseparable and very devoted with each other. Taking selfies together. Laughing our ass off over stupid things. Spending our day-offs going to coffee shops, cinema, malls, or even at friend’s house. I realized then that trusting these kind of people won’t hurt that much. It’s exciting though. We’re some sort of strangers way back then and already now a part of my family. Can you imagine that?

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I TOLD MYSELF I WASN’T GOING TO DOWNLOAD SIMS 4 AND LOAD IT WITH CC

I PROMISED MYSELF

*cries while adding in another piece of CC*

Pan Visibility Day snuck up on me in the end.  I promised myself I’d post something so this is it.  Followers will know that this is the first selfie I’ve ever posted ever ever - and it’s also going to be the last, so this is like spotting an extremely endangered form of anteater in the wild before it promptly sets itself and all record of its existence on fire.

My sexuality is an important part of who I am.  I’m not openly gay, I don’t declare my sexuality, I don’t wear it loud.  But I’m still proud.  I’m proud of who I am and who I love.  Gender doesn’t influence who I love - isn’t that great?  Pan people spend so much energy and time validating ourselves that we forget to notice the beauty in ourselves.  Seeing the beauty in every gender, in no gender, in multiple genders at once, and indeed looking past the gender to see the person inside the construct - this is such a gift.  Love without limits - or with whatever limits are right for you, of course.

The thing that bothers me the most is when I see hate and lack of empathy for pan (and ace, and other) people from within the LGBTQAP+ community itself.  You would think that because we’re all in the same boat together, people would be more understanding.  But instead you see marginalisation within marginalisation.  Pansexuals and panromantics and pangender people exist, and everyone needs to see that we exist and see the faces and hear the stories behind the avatars.  Maybe then they will think twice before they say “Pansexual?  Panromantic?  Pangender?  There’s no such thing.”

Aside from all that, my message to other pan people would have to be… It’s okay to be scared.  I was scared - I’m still scared.  Scared of people, scared of their reactions.  Being scared doesn’t diminish you, doesn’t make you “less” of a person or “less” of a queer person.  It’s hard to be brave all the time.  The important thing is that you hold and keep your strength and in your heart of hearts, you know who you are.  No one can knock the you out of you, no matter how hard they try.

That’s all I wanted to say.  Just my perspective on things.  Inclusivity is important.  Everyone matters.  Everyone is beautiful.

[She/her pronouns please]

I promised myself

I have promised myself
Sealed my lips
Chained my heart 
I will no longer pour my soul out for you 
Tonight is the last night you will look into my eyes 
I will no longer show that I bleed for you
I will never let you hear my voice 
I will never let you touch my skin 
For I have promised myself that I will never let you see my heart beats for you
This will be my last poem for you 
Tomorrow I will strive to erase every atom of your being that once was a part of me 
That part I will bury so deep underground that even when it resurfaces as a tree I will burn it and throw the ashes into the ocean 
Because I will never step into the same wave twice
After all I have promised myself I will no longer love you

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