#PostItFoward to lovin’ yo’ self

I was bullied for the majority of middle school, that perplexing period of your life when you are always asking yourself “Who AM I?????

Having my peers belittle me for who I was made it really hard for me to answer that question. 
For three years, I tried to dress differently, act differently and went through scary dieting to get my peers to like me.

I only ended up feeling more isolated than before. 

The night before my first day of high school, I made a vow to myself that I would learn to love myself and make some new friends that finally took me for who I was. 

The passage of learning to love yourself in your own skin wasn’t easy for me. The voice of belittlement and doubt was always in my head. And sometimes I still hear it. 
As I continue to grow into a woman, I learned that being yourself is so much more easier than anything else and as I grew to love myself for ME, so did the other people around me. 

Most importantly, I learned that what others think of me is so INSIGNIFICANT to what I think of myself. 

Take me as I am or leave, homie.

#PostItForward to lovin’ yourself for the person you are. There is no reason to put yourself down for being who you are and never let anyone make you think otherwise. 


Steroline Meta - You told me that I would find love again !!

Ever since I watched and re-twatched the season 6 finale, I have been bitter and irritated because I initially thought Stelena got a more epic dialogue than Steroline. I also felt slightly insulted that Stefan would tell the woman who clearly as fallen for him that he loved her best friend ‘more than he thought he could even love somebody else’. .  and boy was I fuming ! And I kept thinking to myself, Elena gets all that and Caroline just gets - you made me laugh, you made me dance…you told me I would find love again…. YOU TOLD ME THAT I WOULD FIND LOVE AGAIN…that stuck with me.. and I’ve been mulling over that since the finale and I have finally found the words to express how this dialogue completely changed the landscape of steroline romance and how we view the dynamic of Stefan with Caroline .. please bear with me as I attempt to put my overwhelming feelings and thoughts into decipherable language ! ! ! 

Stefan to Caroline : You made a list of all the ways loving me has ruined your life… …but I made a list too - of all the ways LOVING YOU has changed mine : Whats important here is to note that he clearly says - THIS IS HOW LETTING MYSELF LOVE YOU HAS CHANGED ME . . so the things he lists are the experiences he has had after he started loving her. . 

- you were by my side when I needed a friend

There is no specific time period for this. It can be construed as season 5 when he clearly developed feelings for her after he lost his memories and she was by his side. 

- you made me laugh, you made me dance

Again one cannot annotate a specific time period for this.. could be season 5 or season 4. . 

- you told me that I would find love again

This sentence right here - changed EVERYTHING. This happened in 4x19. The iconic prom dance, where Caroline tells Stefan that he will fall madly in love and move on without even realizing it. This moment was for many shippers, the episode that launched Steroline and foreshadowed that Steroline would indeed happen. 

Stefan saying this implies only one thing - he has started LOVING her by the time she had said this to him. ‘Cause this is one way she changed his life - she gave him hope for the future. He was already falling in love with her, but he didn’t know it, but as a result of falling in love with her, he let her in to his life, to change it for better or worse. Cause that’s what happens when you love someone and let them in, you give them the power to change you for better or worse, to influence you to give you hope or even to destroy you.. As he fell for her, he gave up control to her without even realizing it and when she said he would find love again, he believed her. By loving her, he allowed himself to believe her when she gave him hope for love in the future. 


We have always been under the shadow of Stelena. In the recesses of our minds, there is this whisper of a doubt, a question that we dare not utter loud - “Would Steroline be together if Elena had chosen Stefan instead of Damon ?” 

This HEART FLUTTERING ADMISSION BY STEFAN puts all doubts and fears to rest. Because, while it looked like Elena still had not figured out who she wanted to be with - what with the sire bond confusion and the humanity flip, when it looked like Stefan was indeed waiting for her to pick him, he was in fact falling in love with Caroline. Elena moved on with Damon, but the truth is, Stefan wasn’t exactly left high and dry. By the time Elena officially chose Damon in 4x23, Stefan had already fallen for Caroline. He just didn’t realize it. His brain told him that logically he should be fighting for and pinning for Elena,( the loyal man that he is, could not fathom a different route) and that his feelings for Caroline, albeit deep, was because of their deep rooted friendship… 

This is why Lexi and Stefan’s conversation in 4x23 is so important.. Lexi asks essentially asks him, what if Elena chooses you, what would you do?.. which is weird because if she didn’t think he had already moved on, why would she have asked such a question? Take Caroline out of the picture and its just Stefan and his love for Elena, which is something Lexi knows plenty about. But she asks him - ‘what if whatever she (elena) feels is for you’. She wanted to know how self aware Stefan was about his feelings for Caroline. His answer made it clear that he was in the dark completely, which is why Lexi, tells him later in the car ride that while Elena will always be someone he loved, there is another love out there, and all he has to do is LET GO AND BE OPEN TO IT. This was Lexi’s way of hinting that you need to tell your brain to stop obsessing over Elena, and come to terms with your feelings for Caroline. 

So what I’m trying to say is this - if Elena Gilbert had chosen Stefan, yes he would have gone back to her, but only to later realize that his heart is with Caroline and it has been for some time now. SO it wouldn’t have mattered if Elena had chosen Stefan, these two - Stefan and Caroline, would have still found their way to each other.. 

Thank you for your patience !!! I know its a long post.. and my first post at that, but I needed to put this down for the whole world to see that Steroline is endgame ! !! 

When I woke up today from my nap, just a normal nap I took everyday; what’s not normal is that I got this feeling, this urge of fulfillment and I think to myself, my god, I am so lucky to have her, or to have someone to love and have her love me back. It is the sense of wonder, that you are just ready to commit for whatever comes next. You know, the feeling where you feel alive because you understand there is nothing more wonderful than this beautiful human being in your life, when you look at that person and you are thinking, this is  it, she will most likely to be the woman I say “I do” to, and the woman who will carry me for the rest of my life.
—  Most of us don’t get this lucky sometimes. 

spontaneouschatter asked:

I love a lot of characters, but I've never related to any more than Elsa. Sometimes, I think "this woman doesn't even exist; how does she match me so well?" But she's the most relatable character I've ever seen (for myself). I am so happy they created her the way they did.

I’m really glad to hear that! Elsa is a really inspirational character and people should love her more for promoting a “accept yourself just how you are” instead of starting to dislike her because they’re done with Let it Go. 

Have a magical day!

Because sometimes you find love in more than one person… And it’s not wrong. It’s just bigger hearts have more space… This woman is the one person besides my husband that no matter what I’m here for… For the past 3 years She has taught me that love doesn’t always conquer everything and that’s ok, but patience and understanding just might help you in the battle. She’s beyond strong even when she shouldn’t have to be and for this I admire her. It’s rare that you find someone you can be completely open with and still feel safe… So I remind myself constantly to hold on tight to her. I will never be able to fully express my love for her, but I will forever try. exothermic-oxidation I love you

anonymous asked:

Your Nano just isn't Nano its a depressed, sadistic woman with more kids than she can handle. Is it even healthy to have 23 children in such a short space of time? I understand the whole loving children thing but are you sure you're not using them

((What… using them? Okay, so 23 is a lot… but originally they were in different AU’s, and there are times I wanted to scrap them, but as a mun, and as someone Who really loves children and can’t bear to throw away something I designed or created… I couldn’t…

I nearly broke myself because I did an rp involving miscarriage, and I never wanted to go through that ever again… I don’t want to get rid of them…

It doesn’t help that I don’t mostly rp happy things because most of my rp partners does mostly angst and it doesn’t help. There are even times when it gets too much that even I get depressed. Sadistic? Well yeah since there are times she goes evil.

My Nano was developed differently because of all the bullshit she goes through.

You know what. I wanted to roleplay with others, for once I wanna do something nice and fun, but of course everyone hates me. They hate me, they hate my Muse, they hate everything.

I’ll do you all a fucking favor and kill myself. Just fucking quit. I’m done. Who would miss me anyways?!))

Jajaraku Jojoraku: Issabel Drake.
Issabel Drake makes a straight face at  Jajaraku Jojoraku.
Jajaraku Jojoraku: You’ve been and remain one of… no the greatest part of my life since I’ve met you.
Jajaraku Jojoraku: You’re the most talented woman I’ve ever known, the only other person as sharp minded as I am, and the only person in this world I truly consider my equal.
Jajaraku Jojoraku: I’ve never been happier than I am with you.”
Jajaraku Jojoraku: I love you more than I love anything else in this world… well, tied with myself, of course.
Jajaraku Jojoraku beams with delight at Issabel Drake.
Issabel Drake burst out laughing at Jajaraku Jojoraku
Jajaraku Jojoraku: There’s no one I want in my life more than you, and I never want to leave yours. So please, Issabel. Will you allow me the honor of being your husband?

i guess it wins tonight and i roll around a blob of self hatred but when i wake up i will be a stronger woman than anyone has ever seen because i am so much more than dysphoria i am power and i am courage and i am love and i am understanding i will find a way to love myself and i will win

I was very hesitant to post this because of my small chest. For years as I’ve grown into a woman I’ve been super insecure about my small chest. But this guy, kisses every inch of my body, loves everything about me, and makes me feel more self love for myself than I’ve ever felt. I love you baby, and thank you.

I used to be afraid. Afraid of how the world would see me. Afraid that my family and friends would leave me. Turns out all you need was some courage and love. They loved me even more, and in return, I learned to love myself. Though we haven’t been together for long, this lady here has made me realize that I have been more comfortable than I thought I was with myself in the more recent years. I’ve never felt more happy than to let people know that I have a beautiful, smart, hilarious and caring woman by my side.

anonymous asked:

11-15, please, and hope you are having a great night

11- By far my favorite age to be was 9.  I didn’t give 2 flying fucks about what I did/ who was watching/ what people thought and we were all so nice to each other aw what a time to be alive. Also at that age I ate berries from a wild bush in the woods and my friends and I built a forest home where we used old lawn chairs people threw out as furniture and buried a dead possum  in the field behind my house because he was our pet.

12- The last person to say they loved me was one of the residents at my job (I work at an assisted living old folks home, if you didn’t know).  She’s 102 and she told me she loved me and held my hand and snuggled close to me.  The feeling is more than mutual.  I love that woman more than anyone could ever understand.

13- My worst enemy is probably myself, to be completely honest.  There’s no one who hates themselves but also loves themselves as much as I do and that’s the worst situation.

14- My desktop picture: My 2 sisters and I after I won homecoming queen at my high school in the fall! :)

 15- I do like someone but unfortunately we’ve been talking for 2 years and he still cannot find the courage to ask me out and I’m too scared to ask him.  So that’s probably not going anywhere D:

And I am having a decent night, thanks friend :)

Blah here, blah there.

I am so eager to be alone after being with another human for a few years every night. I missed my lonesome thoughts. I missed accidentally saying my thoughts out loud and having them go unnoticed by anyone but me. I missed being able to nap for hours because no one was expecting my presence beside his. It is almost as if loving him so unconditionally has ignited a love for my own self now. When I realized that maybe I do deserve more than being called stupid everyday, I then transferred that love and light I had for him and I gave it to myself. 

I have replenished my brain with my love of physics again. I missed reading textbooks and nonfiction best sellers. I have written so many pages on science and earth and the planets and humans. I am back on my path to be the renaissance woman I was always supposed to be. One day you wake up and you realize, “Holy shit, I’m supposed to be doing something amazing for this world.” When that notion washes over you it can’t be shaken. 

Dear Ari.


My dear, sweet sister in law to be.

I know I fucked up big time in the past and nearly ruined things for you and Chris and wow do I still feel like a total shit for that. I am so very sorry we made you feel that way. It was never my intention.

You are an amazing woman and I know you don’t feel that way all the time. I know you have your demons as much as I do, and I know you’ve shown more strength in some ways than I in overcoming them.

Never forget how loved you are, by all of us, but especially by Belle and Chris. I know they both love you so completely and I will never forgive myself for making you doubt that. Never doubt it again. And never doubt how wonderful you are. You are a kind heart, a real giver, you give so much to all of us in your life.

Never ever let the light in you die out, Ari.

The Value of a Woman

Hi. So my last post inspired me to write this one. Since I moved to the Middle East in 2012, one of the most common questions I am asked is about the treatment of women. Are women respected? Do we really have any rights here? Are we allowed to drive? Many people were surprised back then when I told them that I loved being a woman here, probably even more so than being one in the states. I kind of am worried about the whole repatriation actually. I have become too spoiled. For example, for two years I didn’t drive anywhere and I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!! I have many views on gender roles, and I would like to talk about that in this post.

Living here after being raised as a woman who knew how to wash dishes and sew buttons on a shirt AND change a car battery AND take care of myself, I sort of got into the idea that I did not need a man. Although I am married, I still don’t, necessarily, but it is such a pleasure to be able to really live as a woman and do what women do. What do women do? In my mind, the perfect woman is able to handle everything by herself if she must, but once she is paired with an equally yolked man, she can take the passenger seat and let him take full reigns. While I tend to be very controlling, there is nothing better than a man who can shut me up and shut me down. I need that, I tend to be a bit pushy if I am not put in my place. Yes, my place as a woman, because I believe we have one. I mean think about it. Yes it sounds so caveman-like but seriously, why do most women want to be identified in the same vein as a man ONLY when it works to our benefit? That’s like saying you want your husband to carry the babies. No. I want to carry my own babies. I am sooooooooooo going off topic.– Let’s just pause for a minute……

———————————-PLEASE HOLD—————————————–

Ok I’m back. Clearly I got a lot of thoughts and opinions on this topic. As I was saying at the beginning of the last paragraph, being in the UAE makes me feel so feminine. I can go out to eat with my friends, chat, sip tea, be obsessed with make-up, shop, discuss babies and families, my holidays, weddings (none of which I really do in the regular), and not talk about careers at ALL it’s totally normal. In the household, if you’re married, your husband naturally handles all of the business for the family, Visa applications and all other paperwork, handling any auto or mechanical issues, changing lightbulbs around the house, cleaning out A/C units, taking out the trash, doing things that require a ladder, put gas in the car, drilling things….you get my drift. It is expected for a man to do these things here. Something that is lacking in America and ABSOLUTELY fucks with the dynamics of family and male/female roles. In America, so many women are doing all of those things and aren’t thinking twice about it. I think we have something to do with that. Men of course need to step it up as well. But ladies can’t one minute say you don’t need help then the next minute expect your date to pay for your meal when you go out to eat. What kinda shit is that? Pick your side of the fence and stay on it. Please and thank you. Some men want the woman to be the man, some women want the man to be the woman. If that’s your thing, get it how you live. If it ain’t, keep reading, you might learn something.

My point is, living here has put me in my place as a woman and I can’t wait to come back to the USA and continue to live out my days as a lady.lol. A real lady who works, but also is domesticated and is a good PTA mom. There is nothing wrong with that. I don’t wanna be a man. I don’t wanna do what they do.

On the flip side, I think men should be just as equipped. A man should know how to cook, wash clothes, iron, take care of his health, etc without a woman but it should be an added bonus when he meets a woman he will marry that will help lighten his load. Now some people may like to do what they do, and I totally respect that. Life is about living how you are most comfortable, and I will never hate on that. Do you boo. I just know as for me and mine, I have fallen in love with the “old fashioned” concept of being a woman/wife/future mother. I love cooking, thinking of new recipes, and other dainty stuff. I have this country to thank for this. Emphasis is family here, not work, not money, no careers. It’s made me see life for what is important. In the states, for one, I would have never found the time to experience any of this because I would have been too busy tryna make money to pay a bill.

The truth is, I don’t really hold my career as high up as I did before. Yes I will always be a busybee. that’s just who I am, but I seriously am not starving for recognition in the work world anymore. There is just more to life and I’m beginning to see that.

And while many people may look that this culture and see the women are covered up and feel like it’s a matter of control, why do you wanna be naked? I think it’s lovely that a woman is not revealing herself to the world. Like with any country and it’s culture, they aren’t perfect and there may be some things that I question, but in life you have to take the good from situations because focusing on those positive things that you can learn from will enrich your own life. Everyone may not come here and see what I see. That’s fine. But my opinion is the only one that matters, as this is my blog. Good day. :)

Unfair (You & I)

It was unfair – the way you loved me.

You met me – broken, grieving, tired and you thought I was magic. You filled my cracks with yourself – I loved you and it seeped into my bones like ink. I stained.

Now you have left – I feel my bones are parched, empty, crumbling from the love you took away with you as farewell. I had begun to adjust to my brokenness – you did not need to come, fix me, act as sutures.

In the end – I blame myself. A woman should be smart enough to know nobody can stitch her up together. And I remain - more cracked, broken, and sparse than before.

But then again – this brokenness will also become a part of my life. A lesson in failing myself.


I don’t know what you feel. When you read my tumblr do you understand . Perhaps not 100%.

Reading can be interpret with so many emotion.

Anyhow. I feel like lying to myself, I still trying to figure out what’s love all about.
Is it a sin for falling in love. Perhaps for long distance it’s not that big deal.

If I failed to bring you towards goodness then is my time to go .

I’m not eager to get married , I’m afraid if I stay in haram relantionship it will bring me more bad influence rather than the good. I don’t want to be involve with your friends “muscles man” or being jealous over some woman who caught your attention.

If you really for me you will eventually comes . But if not , no matter how I try things won’t work out. And I hope to go with peace .

I don’t really worry about myself . Since I can handle myself perhaps I improve by time.

I’m more worried about you , I’m leaving you soon if you don’t come to me. I really want to help you become a better person , but I can’t help you if you don’t help yourself . And I can’t help people without helping myself first.

Do take care of your prayers.

Dah tak Ada lah orang nak bebel pasal jaga solat. Harap pandai lah jaga diri. Dah dewasa dah pun. Buat keputusan betul-betul . Ingat tuhan. Jangan lupa jaga hati mak ayah. Tak tahu bila Ajal kita semua. Moga dirahmatinya.

the mind

I used to hear so many complaints about the kind of person I was.
I remember at one point that I actually started to second guess myself.
I remember asking people what they thought about me & shared what i had been told but they reassured me that I was an amazing woman & any man would be lucky to be loved by me.
I remember smiling & tearing up at the same time because…well…for the first time I felt like I wasn’t appreciated…& didn’t know what else I could possibly do or say to make someone show me they love me or that i was more important than others.
I remember thinking how is it that people who’ve never been loved by me or even been shown an ounce of affection from me see such a woman & yet…the one I’d do anything for sees nothing but errors.
I remember the words…all of the words..& very few were I love you.
I remember sitting by myself wondering why & who…
I remember…
I remember thinking to myself “how?”
I remember a lot of things people chose to do & that’s where it ends.

I write to tell you,
That yesterday was intense
I still feel the skin
The slide your fingers
And the taste of his soul
To join my
Every second and every moment
Deserved a photo on the shelf
Just to look
And relive every moment
The fire of feeling
Which consumed my reason
me filling
With more than emotion
Thank you for love me
And let me share
Some of your universe
this world
That revolves around you
As quietly harmonious
I needed to target the flanks ride
I needed a long time to give myself
For a love that felt
Leaning on my soul
And making me an antenna
To capture all the beauty
That a female and bare skin
You need to have your own reason
Thank you for last night
And that may other
Call me whatever you want
Lover, girlfriend, friend
But thank you for making me
Feel like a woman …