i-hate-waking-up

whispers somebody teach me how to drink coffee
or i’m p sure i’mma die this semester ——

Just wanted to stop by

And let fishmostly , fishareblue , iantojonesthebetta , rowencia , heresyourfirststep , and the rest of you know that I’m okay. Last couple of months I’ve shut down almost completely because of what’s going on with my dad. But the more I see him try to fight the more I realize I can’t let myself drown in sorrow to the point where I’m not doing anything. I’m gonna try to get back on my feet and do what I can to feel normal again. I don’t expect to be able to do it right off the bat but I’m hoping I can get there again.
It’s been extremely hard to get myself to do anything. I hate leaving my house, I sit and watch tv all day, social interaction is hard and I prefer small doses of it, I hide behind wedding planning because it’s the only thing keeping my mind busy, but I can’t do this anymore. I hate waking up and looking at myself in the mirror and hating what I see. I hate seeing myself so depressed and tired looking all the time. I don’t look happy, I don’t feel happy, I don’t care about anything but I want to change that.
I’m hoping that by telling people I’m trying to change that it’ll help me actually get there. I miss who I used to be before all this and I’m sure the people around me do too. Really , though, it’s important that I do it for myself.

Thanks for caring about me and sending me messages to check up on me. It really means a lot to me and I’m sorry I didn’t reply.

It’s so exhausting to wake up each morning knowing that all you’re doing is waiting for each day to be over. Nothing but waiting and repeating.
—  What a pointless cycle

As soon as Cas realizes what’s going on—what the queasy feeling in his stomach means, why he can’t help smiling whenever Dean is around—he tries to tell Dean right away, but the words won’t come out. It’s because Sam is here, Cas thinks. They are at the dinner table, after all. It would probably be uncomfortable. I’ll mention it sometime when Dean and I are alone.

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