i-hate-him-so-much-i-can't-even

« I’m not leaving, » he says but his  skin already feels like a memory under my fingertips. I can see the stars, like I always did, in the depths of his eyes but instead of feeling like I am home, they seem too far away from me. He smiles softly and I can’t help but think about the moon, so bright and beautiful, yet so out of reach.

            I think of the past few years, of our daily dates, me sitting on the balcony, him flying just above my head and I wonder when I became so used to him. All of him. He’s anything but ordinary, yet he has been a part of my life for so long and I feel guilty for not telling myself, everyday, how lucky I was.

            « Hey…” he whispers softly and panic takes over me because his face is blurry and all I can hear is goodbye. It’s only when I finally blink that I realize I am just crying. He erases tears, one by one, long fingers as soft as they always were.

            I don’t want to let him go but I can see in his eyes, I can see in his everything that he doesn’t want to either. Things are happening that both of us can’t control and I know that if we can’t help it, at least, we can be there for each other. Now, I’m the one erasing tears.

            “I was there in the beginning,” he adds, “I’ll be there in the end.” It hurts me to hear the interrogation behind the words, it hurts me to see the doubt in his eyes so I nod. I nod as quickly as I can.

            “Of course,” I reply. “You’re the galaxy, aren’t you?”

            He smiles, corners of his lips slower than ever to move upwards, but I take this as a victory. I can see it now. How bright and tall he is. I can see the constellations he drew himself and I can see his bravery. I feel grateful because of all the balconies in this world, he chose mine to land on every night. I feel grateful because people like him are not supposed to exist but he does. He does, for me.

            “You know”, he finally breaks the silent, looking already half gone, “you spent so much time looking at the sky… Don’t even think the stars didn’t get printed in your eyes. You took a part of me with you and… maybe I won’t be there in the end. Who knows? But you will, won’t you? You will be there so… I will be too.”

            It’s hard now to tell where the horizon ends and where he begins. The curves of his body are getting so dark that they slowly fade away in the night sky. He smiles one more time and opens his arms. I know this isn’t his last smile and it makes me so damn happy because he has the more celestial smile I’ve ever seen but I also know this will probably the last smile of him I’ll ever see. My tears leave traces on his chest as I hug him closer. Now, he’s taking a part of me too, but it’s okay because I want him to. I want him to draw new constellations with everything I gave him, I want him to fly in the night sky and decide, one day, to land on one particular balcony. He can change lives and I want to give him the strength to keep doing it.

            “I’m not leaving…” he whispers and then, he’s gone.

            “No, you’re not…” 

5/ Tᴜᴍʙʟʀ Dʀᴀʙʙʟᴇs: ɢᴀʟᴀxʏ

ɪɴsᴘɪʀᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜɪs (ᴀʀᴛ ɴᴏᴛ ᴍɪɴᴇ)

"ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅᴇᴅ ᴀ sᴛᴀʀ, ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ɢᴀʟᴀxʏ"

  • fandom before 4x15:that is it, we cannot love killian jones more than we already do he cannot be more of a precious baby pirate angel idiot than he is, THERE IS NO WAY HE CAN HURT US ANY MORE, HE IS NOT PLANNING TO COMPLETELY COMPROMISE US ANY MORE RIGHT?
  • killian jones in 4x15:bitch i might be

"Oh my god, do you ever shut up? Do I talk this much, too?" 

I made a very necessary reaction gif for y’all:

oops my finger slipped and I

free use of course!

If anyone’s interested in hearing some Big Finish for free, BBC Radio is playing Graceless starting today, with the next part going up in a week.

This should be available to listen to anywhere in the world, with no restriction on country.

Abby/Amy and Zara were first introduced in Big Finish’s Fifth Doctor Key2Time trilogy, and this continues their story. But I wouldn’t say listening to those first is necessary, as this is very much its own thing.

(A very strong warning for sexual assault and abuse, though.)

princewilfredspencer asked:

Walking over to Hikari Wilfred let out a small sigh "I hate Lyla." He muttered to himself as he gave her a small, forced smile "She read your tags... Apparently I'm a rabbit now." He had on a pair of white ears along with a small fluffy ball on his butt to be his tail.

((I’m gonna say it again Ilu oh so very much ♡♡♡))

Placing her hand over her mouth to hide the amused smile on her face Hikari cleared her throat a little and walked over to him to reach up and pet his ears with a smile. “You know, these ears really suit you. It’s such an adorable look on you that I just don’t know what to do with it. I’m sorry she shoved you in it, but I really like it…” She smirked a little and kissed his cheek.

I’m so conflicted

I’m conflicted between desiring the intimate touch of someone and wanting to keep as far as possible from anyone and everything.

After he left…after what happened, I made a mistake. I went out that next weekend, got VERY drunk, and made out with someone. “Harmless”. But not for me. He pushed himself so close and his hands kept roaming and grabbing all over my body. At one point during this groping he said “God, I love your ass” and even in my drunken state, this saddened me so much. My immediate thought as he said this had been, “You sound like him…great.” The following thought was, “That really is all they care about…this really is all they want from me, isn’t it?” I was so sad by this…

Tonight I went to the movies with a guy I haven’t seen in years. He was coincidentally the first guy (on my very short list of guys) that I had ever made out with. It was completely random, but I went nonetheless and actually had fun. It was all innocent until I went to hug him outside my car. He ended up grabbing me and kissing me. One hand tightly on my waist and the other on my ass. He was a good kisser so I allowed this for a moment. It went from me laughing in disbelief as I drove away to slowly growing quiet and, once again, sad, because there had been a hidden agenda there the whole time. There had the first time he’d kissed me three years ago, and the drunken mistake after my breakup had also been plotted about a week in advance.

I crave physical contact but at the same time, when it’s happening, I pretty much just end up feeling shitty about myself. Instead of it being a self esteem booster like “Yeah, these people want to be all over me” or “Yes, I’m getting the physical stuff I’ve been wanting!!”, all I can keep thinking is “this is all I am”.

I know I’m so much more…I just can’t seem to accept it again just yet. I know this mentality is part of the scar he left….I’m still trying to figure out how to not love him. How to not miss sleeping in his bed at night or think of all the plans we’d been making…The hurt of knowing in the end, that all I was to him was essentially a piece of ass, that his view of me changed one day from me being amazing and him caring about my well-being, to matching those of random guys that mean nothing to me…nothing is more degrading.

So for the moment, physical activity is ruined for me. He ruined it. Because now my view is that my worth is centered around my body. Not my intelligence, my creativity, kindness, ambition, my passion for my future…because nobody seems to care about any of that. This is the third time in a month my body has been the basis of my worth. I’m tired of feeling like they’re right even though, deep down, I know it’s not true.

I’m tired of writing long-ass Tumblr posts at 2:45 in the morning while eating half a pizza because the memories of him keep me up at night. I’m tired of not being able to focus on my studies, the most important thing to me, because everything seems so much more dull without him here. I’m tired of not even realizing I’m listening to sad music because my subconscious apparently wants something present to parallel how I feel.

I’m so damn tired…

Ooo. Ooo. So one thing that pissed me off about my last DAI playthrough was the fact that even though I imported my Keep and it told me it uploaded and imported right, it didn’t import anything, just gave me options for if the default DA story was uploaded…but it looks like for my hard playthrough it uploaded right, because Varric mentioned Bethany this time instead of Carver, I’m so excited to have my custom Hawke I love her and I’m so eager to get there but since it’s on a hard difficulty I’m going slow and just UGH I want to jump to the good stuff NOW.

.

ok Last op post lastt one

i used to hate on law cuz like one time my brother said he liked him and i wanted to mess with him and i also went to an anime store w/ him once and there was So Much shit of law and i was just like holy shit… what an asshole lol. but like…. even tho i haven’t seen much of him and don’t know what his deal is… tbh.. honestly tbqh…. he’s kinda hot…k ind of.. hot sort of honestly ok. yeah