maybe I just have crazy high standards but being daddy is more than fucking bitches n sipping lean but I’m just chillin


I was tagged in the six selfie challenge by the gorgeous chowsweet

(i was checking the six-selfie-challenge tag just to make sure there aren’t some kind of rules for this challenge… and i saw a lot of dick pics. thank you tumblr, you never disappoint :D) 

I tried to find selfies that i have never posted on here before, which was hard :D, and explains why they are so retarded 

1. i went outside

2. but i prefer chillin with my doggie inside

3. but i also like my friends tho

4. and i like flexing my imaginary biceps (fake it till you make it *fleeeeex*)

5. i lov that quote!!! (with my sister, do we look alike?)

6. i don’t have a bf, and although disgusting, i still appreciate doggie kisses 


now i need to tag some people, that will be so creepy, but here we go

(act as if we are friends, ok? )

fit-banana eva-ann-marie tillyontoast fit-vegan-healthy positivelykettlebell  championsaremade  only-halfcrazy 

So I like to drive my boyfriend’s car and he has a “pro-choice, pro-feminism, pro-pets” sticker on his car. We went out to eat and while he was paying for he food and ordering something to go for his Oma, I brought the car to the front. It was 88 degrees so the window was down and I was chillin.

These rat looking, greasy haired guys saw the sticker and immediately started harassing me, saying shit like “So you’re got equality? Why are you killing babies? Feminists skank it up then can’t deal with their consequences!” and just more ignorant statements. My boyfriend eventually came out and he heard them harassing me. He let the rodents know that it was his car and that meant the sticker was his. These guys were probably like two inches taller than me (I’m 5'6") and my boyfriend is a little over 6'5". They immediately started saying shit like “Oh, bro we were just joking, y'know? Harmless fun, bro haha” and then they like nervously walked away.

People are like “Oh, women have it so good” when I was literally minding my own fucking business and was harassed by two men because of something on a car. Like, yes so good. Can’t even have something on a car without getting harassed.

zayn today: *fake adjusts shirt* oh… hey world….. as u can see i’m in…. paris chillin… and….. i don’t know the name of that vimto uh… it jus came with the room… i have SO MUCH TO STUNT ABOUT… that i don’t know where to start- it BAFFLES me it BAFFLES me so…. i asked myself this question and u can ask yourself the same… WHO *moves hands*  WHO DO U KNOW… WHO DO U KNOW…. WITH…. 2 THUMBS IN THEIR OWN LOUIS SHOE *points both thumbs to self* THIS guy.. um… DUE to the transactions… early this week i have some uh…. have some very uh… GRIM news i know i know i’ve been called the God’s beloved-i’ve been called a lot of names uh… mostly… the people’s champ A FASHION FORWARD ICON and…. DUE to what has happened…. what has happened so SEVERELY… WHEN THE LOUBOUTINS HIT THE……. RUNWAY… I WAS FORCED TO CHANGE MY NAME… TO… ZARTIN ZOUIS ZHE ZING…..ZR…. address me as zuch AND UNTIL THEN I WILL BE IN THE BUILDING *puts on louis scarf* SWAGGER *picks up louis briefcase* ON A HUNDRED *rests briefcase on lap*….. THOUSAND *shakes diamond headtop and leaves a sparkly pile of diamond dust on the floor*………. trillon

anonymous asked:

Story of the first time you had sex?

i had sex in the 2000s for the first time. she invited me over to her house while her parents were out of town, and she had a cool younger brother and he was in the living room playing Halo 2, and I played with him, and it really made her mad, like she was just sitting on the couch super bored and was all “Are you done playing this dweeby game yet?” and I was like “Oh, sorry babe, I will be soon, can you get me a drink please? Luv u.” and she threw a sofa pillow at me and was like “Get your own drink!” and i could tell she was really upset, so I stopped playing and we went to her room, 

and i was like chillin on her bed, and she got on top of me and was like “So what do you want to do?” and I was like “idk” and she just started making out with me, and idk.. it happened, and it lasted like 2 mins… it must have been really disappointing for her but it was still great for me. and then things got weird. i started feeling insecure because i finished too fast. so i broke up with her a week later because i thought she was going to break up with me for this cooler dude, which was dumb… it made no sense, but i was just a teen 

so i was like “im going to break up with her before she breaks up with me.” and i did and she got super sad, and like i tried to get her back, and she was like in the girls bathroom with her friends crying, and like one of them on their way out was like “You’re a fucking asshole!” and I was like “I’m sorry! Tell her I’m sorry!” and she was like “She doesn’t want to talk to you, just go away.” but then afterschool we did meet at like this place everyone went to afterschool and made up, and dated the rest of the year, but then she fell in love with some dude at Tennis Camp that summer and broke up with me over AIM