Spring is pretty much over. This week went by a lot faster than i anticipated. I had a whole schedule planned out for myself so that I could get all my work done before getting back to school…but none of that fell through. Nothing went according to my plans and now I am really behind on stuff. I was supposed to finish reading this book a while ago and start writing the essay..but I am just starting the essay today and I go back to school tomorrow. I’m actually excited to go back to school. I think I am always looking forward to going back to campus. I know this sounds bad…but I don’t really like being home anymore.
It’s crazy to think that I spent so much of my life at home and now I prefer to be somewhere else other than where I used to find ‘comfort’. I know like being on campus away from home. I think I realized this when I first came home for Thanksgiving break first semester and when I came home…it wasn’t the same. The things that once never bothered me, now bothered me so much. I couldn’t stand it. I feel like being away from home spoiled me. I became too complacent with things just being there and given to me. Being at school made it easy to run away from the reality that was presented to me when I was home.
When I’m at home…problems become real. Things other than myself matter. I know that this is selfish, but when I’m at school, all that matters is my studies and my friends. Life is easier. I’m surrounded by things that are easy for me to do. When I’m at school it’s so much easier to do my work; studying is actually somewhat enjoyable because that is all I have to do. But when I’m home…there are so many things that need to be done. So many more responsibilities emerge when back home. So overall, this is why I’m looking forward to going back to school. I have about a month and a half left of this semester and my freshman year of college will be over. Then I’ll be back home for 3 months. 3 long months of.. i don’t know what it’ll be filled with..but to be honest, I don’t look forward to it. I don’t know what to expect.
But. I know that this is pointing to areas of my life that I need to work on. It is showing that I only live for myself. I’ve been continually running away from my problems and my excuse is that I’m away at school and when I return home all these problem..i guess not problems but burdens are waiting for me. In turn, my emotions are negative and my attitude is rotten. I snap at people and do things while complaining. I know that when I get back home I should be more than happy to serve and put others before myself but I’ve been so well fed at school that I don’t want to be outside my comfort zone. It’s funny because I lived like this before going to college. I lived this life at home for a good 4 years before going to college…and now I’m totally different. My attitude has changed greatly and now all that I know how to do is live for myself and not put others before myself. As much as I was excited to leave home near the end of my senior year…I need to have that attitude back. I need to stop running away from my problems and face reality. I need to stop being a baby and need to face reality.