uh yeah my name is linds, i’m 20 years old, and i’m sort of unsure about myself. haha i’m actually shaking as i’m typing this. i guess im sort of coming out for the first time, seeing as the only one who knows how i have felt is my best friend, cat.
before coming to tumblr, i didn’t actually know there was a way to be not a girl but also not be a boy at the same time. i never minded being assumed my pronouns were she/her because i just thought there would be no other way to live. i’ve been here for 20 years rejecting my voice, rejecting how i looked so feminine and spoke so feminine. so annoyingly like a girl. i remember that i at least took pride in the fact that my breasts had never grown in, but still crying myself to sleep at night when my mom, who has very large breasts, would assure me that some day i won’t be able to even hold onto that.
cutting my hair short helped me, but only for a short period of time. i felt like i could dress how i wanted and people wouldn’t be able to just misgender me if only i never spoke. nothing really just helps because i’m always confused.
even now, i don’t put my gender on my blog because i just don’t know what or who i am, and it just sucks. i figured that by now i’d be able to figure out who i am, but i just know who i am isn’t a girl. or a boy. what kind of therapist would treat me seriously if i told them that? i guess i just don’t know anymore haha.
not a girl. also not a boy.