I think this is something that plagues many of us (youth or otherwise) today.
Both in this world and in the Church, we see young people striving for relationships without realistic expectations and for gushy romances without the duty and responsibility that building a relationship truly brings.
I myself haven’t completely figured all of this out yet- and that’s why I’ve only made mistake after mistake with flings and infatuation and flirtationships. It’s hard to remember that the person you seek to be in a relationship with is not going to be the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend that you have imagine in your head for so many years.
It’s important to realize that he or she won’t live up to every expectation that you have for them and it’s necessary remember that your significant other doesn’t exist for the sole purpose of making you happy of fulfilling the sometimes desired Christian dream of being “young, married, and ready to travel the world together and seek Jesus!”
While the aforementioned dream is fine to have, life sometimes doesn’t work out in ways that we plan- even in Christian circles. I think it’s important that your friend realizes this and that he doesn’t try to force the hand of God in trying to make this relationship work.
If you’re still advising him about this relationship, tell your friend that it’s best if he starts with the basic guidelines of respect in pursuing his next relationship. The future person he will be with doesn’t owe him anything and it is important to remember that.
Also tell your friend that it’s very okay to keep people prayerfully in mind when thinking about dating. It’s probably more okay to do that, in keeping options open for a while and seeing how he acts with the women around him and after awhile, when God places it upon his heart, seeing which one draws him in the most (spiritually, intellectually, physically, etc.)
I’ve mentioned before on here that I’ve never been in a real, solidified relationship before- only a few “almost” relationships. One pretty serious “almost” relationship (if you can call such a thing almost) ended up in heartbreak because we thought that since we intended to court and do God’s way of dating, nothing could go wrong!!!!!!!!! (smh…. sweet, naive Akua)
After like a month of head over heals infatuation in talking and deciding that this was it, this was the person that God has for each other to marry, I think that the both of us lost sight of who we were as individuals and how God’s timing works. I don’t think God’s timing can fully be made manifest if we pick an individual and say “God, this is the person for me!! Please bless this relationship ok thx bye!!!”
It’s easy to want to take things in our own hands and try to rationalize these things with our God- but Lord, He’s Christian!!!- and not be willing to receive when we are ready or not ready to be thinking about these things.
I’m currently in a season of my life where I’m halfway between being a teenager and a full-fledged adult. I think this season requires that I have and make purposeful “friends”- men who God have placed in my life and in whom I am studying their character and seeing what they are all about before being ready to even consider moving into a full-fledged relationship with any of them.
“Friends” are good. “Friends” allow you to keep your options open without pigeonholing yourself into a relationship or position you don’t know how to get out of when/if it’s time to consider marriage.
With that, I say tell your friend to remember that the girls he dates are daughters of God first, and his girlfriend much later. Encourage him to keep fighting the good fight and encourage him go be wise with his future relationships and not rush into anything too quickly.
I also wanted to commend you for having the courage to talk to your friend honestly. It’s great to have people in your best interest advising you and helping you and from what I can see, you’ve been a great friend in reaching out to him.
Thanks again for this question and God bless you,
- 31Women (Akua)